Marguerite -

I am so glad you wrote this post.  It said so many of things I want to say.

It's been just been slightly under 5 months that I lost my healthy 8-year boy (shep mix), Rugby and I can't seem to shake the depression and tears.   I didn't get to say good-bye because I didn't even know he was *that* sick.  He was he happy self that morning in July.  But about 1 hour later, he collapsed.  I rushed him to the vet and had to wait 45 minutes.  I thought it was his tummy. My vet wondered if it was a black widow bite.  I wasn't worried - because he was never sick and was a trooper.  I left him to run tests.  My vet called to tell me that things were weird; blood count wasn't reading, enlarged looking heart and seriously pale gums.  He wanted to put an IV in him.  Of course, I agreed!   He called a few minutes later and said he had died while he was putting in the IV.  He couldn't revive him.

Autopsy revealed tumor on the heart that burst.  He said it was cancer. (now I know, it was hemangiosarcoma)  

I wasn't just devatasted for me, I was devastated for Comet, my 3 legged dog.  She needed Rugby to keep her tortured world safe, in which he did.  I needed him to help me take care of Comet, who has a tremendous amount of emotional problems  (hoarder home syndrome).   And it just wasn't suppose to be this way.  Comet is 2 years older.  Comet is afraid of strangers and other dogs.  Rugby loved strangers and other dogs!  He could survive without her.  Comet, couldn't survive without him.  This is what ran through my mind in a matter of seconds. 

For the 8 years I had him, I spent all of my energy for Comet.  But he didn't care.  He loved whatever attention I gave him. He loved Comet so much that he understood she needed me.   He was there for her and me.  He brought me laughter when she brought me tears. He distracted strangers that wanted to pet Comet with his antics and got right in front so they wouldn't try to touch her, knowing how scared she was.   I just never thought I wouldn't have him to help me cope.  He would outlive Comet and he could move on.  I thought.

I lost my only sibling in '07 and was just finally getting over my brother's death.  I was looking forward to finally having a Christmas this year that wasn't so painful as the last one.   I almost lost my mother in April and was celebrating the fact she was recovering, still in the hospital but almost ready to go home.  Then May came and Comet came down with diskospondylitis. She seemed to be healing. I was looking forward to enjoying the summer FINALLY!   But then that horrible day in July came.

So, the last 5 months have been difficult.  I can't explain to friends/family the sorrow.  They understood losing a brother but didn't seem to think too much of  'a dog'.  It's more than a dog. Without human children, he was a child to me.  He was the normal one I didn't have to worry about and he didn't ask for much in return.  

We did get another dog, but that was a very difficult.  I knew Comet couldn't be alone.  We got a small dog so she wouldn't be afraid.  She's getting used to him but it's so not the same.  Rocket, a terrier-poo (I think) mix is not the same as a shephard but he tries so hard to get Comet to love him and is non-threatening.  And that's all I can ask.

I'm just looking forward to the day when our world is a happy one again. We are getting there...slowly.

Again, thanks for sharing your feelings and thanks for listening.

Comet's and Rocket's (and fur angel Rugby's) mom.

Dearest Angel Jake's Mom,

Thank you so much for writing that *chapter* in your life!   I needed that so much!  Actually I needed it since July.  I felt like I was the only one that experienced the sudden loss.  I have also wondered the 'what if' my vet had caught it in time. 

I'm so, so sorry for what you've gone through, too.   I had a Golden (Goofy) many years ago (almost the same story as yours on how she lived prior to our house)   We had a chow, Snooker who needed a playmate.  I had the best chow in whole wide world, thanks to her being raised with a golden!  

There's something about a shepherd, isn't there?   I never knew or had one before.  I think Rugby was a shep/bassett mix.  Looked like a shep with short legs.  He was so ugly as a puppy.  I didn't want a boy even though I picked him out (he was happy).  I never had boys.  As my husband was filling out the adoption papers, I almost backed out.  I thought he was so ugly and I would never love a 'boy dog". I'm glad my husband convinced me to go forward that day. 

I just wished I hated taken him for granted and showed him more love.   

Dogs just make it too easy to love them this much and that's why I can't help myself.  As you know.

So, don't feel a bit bad for having a tough time yourself.  I don't think friends/family are trying to be cruel.  I just think some people don't understand how to comfort.  I saw this when my dad died as a 20-year-old.  My early 20's friends then didn't even understand nor tried.  And it was the worst.   

Because of my experiences of death, I try extra hard for people I know when they lose someone.   And that's the best anyone can do whether you get it in return or not.

Thanks admin -

I noticed that book and am seriously thinking about ordering it.  The author struck a chord with me.  Fear and anxiety - which has a bad habit of striking 'type a' personalities in the worst way.  The fearless become the most fearful when they can't control everything.  I totally understand!