Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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HI everyone...
It will be 3 weeks on Monday, since we lost Jake... and I've been so sad and depressed... and just living like a zombie, it seems...
This morning, I woke up and took my shower... and in the middle of it, I all of a sudden remembered the dream I had this morning... Jake was back... He was still missing his leg... and I knew he was dead... but he was back... ALIVE! My husband and I were lying on the floor with him... spooning him... holding him and caressing him... and he felt so good... so soft... so warm... and he lifted his head to look back at us... We were all so happy... Everything was OK again... But then I realized in the shower, that was just a dream, and I burst out crying! 
All day at work... I was holding back my tears... holding my head down... hoping no one would look at me, or ask me how I was feeling... I left early... and all the way home I was crying in the car... but when I pulled into the garage... I forced myself to stop... I don't want Wolfie to feel any worse than he is already... He pooped in the house yesterday... He's only done that once before... the day we brought him home at 8 weeks old... never since... Poor baby... I'm trying so hard to be happy and playful whenever he is next to me... not to show him my sadness... but it's so freaken hard! 
Why am I so upset now? You'd think I'd be happy... that maybe Jake came to visit me in my sleep... Since he's died... I haven't seen him in my dreams... maybe just glimpses... but that's all... But I feel almost as bad today as I did when Jake took his last breath at the vet clinic... or when I brought his ashes home... I just can't stop crying!!!! I can barely see what I'm typing now, I'm crying so much... Maybe it's cause it's cold and been raining all day... I don't know... 
I'm sorry for dumping on you all... I just feel like no one else would understand what I'm feeling... My boss and coworkers are like... "oh, I'm sorry your dog died, that's so sad... but you'll get another one"... They probably think there's something wrong with me that I'm still so depressed... Gee, it's not like I lost a family member.... 
They soooo don't understand!!! 
Those of you that have recently lost your babies... Those of you that still have them... I know you all understand what I'm feeling...
All of my friends... who are supposingly animal lovers... they don't seem to understand why I don't want to hang out and party with them yet... Is there something wrong with me?!
Maybe today was just so awful because my dream seemed so real... I don't know... I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better day...
Angel Jake's Mom
Jake, 10yr old golden retriever (fractured his front right leg on 9/1, bone biopsy revealed osteosarcoma on 9/10, amputation on 9/17) and his family Marguerite, Jacques and Wolfie, 5yr old german shepherd and the newest addition to the family, Nala, a 7mth old Bengal mix kittie. Jake lost his battle on 11/9/2009, almost 8 weeks after his surgery. We will never forget our sweet golden angel… http://jakesjou.....ipawds.com ….. CANCER SUCKS!
Marguerite - don't be sorry...what better place to "dump" than here?
You are not alone in your grief...and there is nothing wrong with you...at least I don't think so. Tomorrow is 3 months for Zeus and I'm a depressed cookie today and I'm supposed to leave on a much needed vacation tomorrow to the warm sun and sand - I don't even want to go and it's 9pm here this evening, our flight leaves in about 10 hours and I haven't even packed yet.
When Zeus comes to me in my dreams - I have the same reaction...the comfort and warmth and happiness and then the crushing reality. It's a roller coaster - grieving is. There is no right or wrong way to grieve - only what works for you and you have to let it out, let it flow and feel the pain and the loss when it comes...it's not good to hold it inside - it will end up manifesting itself in other ways that are not healthy. Those that cannot understand - screw 'em. Sorry, but that is how I feel about it. It's a very personal process and it takes what it takes to get through it and only you can determine the best way to grieve for yourself.
I broke down into sobs each and every night for about 6 weeks. It hurt and still hurts so much. We loved soooooo deeply - we feel the loss sooooooooo deeply. I do promise you this - it does get a little easier, it does. I still sob, though not every night. I look at pictures and video and I smile and I laugh. I know how fortunate I was to have him 17 more wonderful months and I try and focus on being grateful for that time, even though it's over. I know I need to focus on his lessons more...but I haven't gotten there yet, but I know I will. I journal A LOT about my feelings and it helps a lot to get them out on paper...even if the only thing I can write is that I miss my baby.
I'm so sorry you had such a horrible day. I'm giving you a big (((hug))). Zeus and Jake are probably upset that we are so upset, so we have to try and buck up a bit - maybe we can give each other some strength so our babies aren't sad and upset that we are feeling so depressed lately. What'cha think? I'm game if you are - we can get through this together. 
Hang in there kiddo...we are all here for you. You are not alone.
Much love,
Heather
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
Marguerite
I know the feeling, although it has been many years (2001) when I lost my last dog, and of course those feelings are just starting intermittently in our current situation. It was so hard for a very long time. And of course you don't feel free to mention it. Even now, the idea that I might drive my dog somewhere far away for treatment - you can imagine what your boss or co-workers are thinking (loony tune). You will feel better and smile again, but it doesn't seem that way.
I was feeling rather crappy this morning, one of those times when I thought I was about to lose Tazzie (he is perkier tonight). When you are in that space, it is just so hard to see a way out of it. It does help when there is someone who is understanding. My neighbours are great. They just invited Tazzie and me over. It got us out, but at the same time with people just as devoted to their animals, so a perfect balance.
Sometimes when I feel crappy, I need to do something that involves giving to others (hey, maybe volunteering at a shelter, although that could be difficult and also isky, isn't it, Yoda's mum). I bet some of our sparkplugs like Jackers will have some crackerjack ideas to help you cheer up. If you can't come here at a time like this, where can you go?
Susan & Tazzie II
Marguerite, I wish I knew what to do or say to lessen your sorrow. I never had to go through the loss of an animal. But I can understand your grief very well. I just want you to know you are not alone and no, there is nothing wrong with you. BIg HUGS,
Suzanne & Oslo.
Margueritte,
Please don't feel bad for "dumping" on us. We understand what you are going through like no one else does. Losing a dog to cancer is different then losing a dog to old age or even unexpectantly. Even though we say that our dogs are living with cancer we are also on a sort of death watch. We don't mean to be but we watch them for any sign things are not right. So even though we know to treasure the days we have together we also live with the knowledge that time is most likely limited. It prolongs the grieving process, I think. My first dog died in his sleep one night. He was only ten so we weren't expecting it. I still miss him but the grief was not as strong as when I watched Emily live in great health, live with cancer, and die from cancer. Caring for a cancer dog is all consuming and when they are gone it is like we lost who who are and what we do. I remember thinking "if I'm not Emily's Mom who am I". But I am Emily's Mom still just like you will also be Jake's Mom.
In your dream it must have felt so good to hug your boy. A few years after my favorite grandpa died I dreamed I got up and he was at the table drinking coffee. Everytime I thought about that dream I cried and cried because it was something that I had seen him do hundreds of times and it felt so real. Your dream of hugging Jake probably felt so real. Of course it was hard to realize it was a dream.
I am crying for you as I type this. Unless people have gone through what we have they don't understand. My poor vet just found out her dog has cancer in his sinus cavity. She has been wonderful with Emily and so loving to Emily. She said she has been thinking about us so much though and hoped she had been compassinate enough because she didn't truely understand how it was to be the one cancer was happening to. Your coworkers probably don't understand. They haven't been there so how can they know.
Didn't mean to write a book. Sorry about that. Truthfully, I both desire and dread a dream about Emily. Right now, hearing how hard it was for you, I hope I don't dream about my little girl for a long time.
I wish I was there to hug you.
Debra
Debra & Emily, a five year old doberman mix, who was diagnosed with an osteosaecoma. She had a right rear leg amputation on May 19, 2009. On November 10, 2009 she earned her wings and regained her fourth leg.
Why are you upset? Because you've lost a loved one. He'll never come back. And that hurts. Bad. Just remember you are never alone here. We feel for you and can only say, from our experience, that is does get better. But it never gets all better. Thanks for sharing.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
You invest every ounce of your heart and soul into caring for Jake, especially in the time since his diagnosis- no one should expect you to be 'over it' in less than 3 weeks.
Every person has to grieve on their own terms and at their own rate, there is no formula or time frame. Part of the penalty we must endure for loving so much is the raw pain of dealing with loss.
But in my experience coping with every loss eventually becomes easier, and it will for you. But you have to allow yourself time to deal, and to vent. Venting here is the best because you don't have to explain anything- all you have to say is "today I miss Jake"- and we all get it.
I am sincerely hoping that the days begin to get better for you, and Wolfie too.
Karen and the pug girls
Margueritte,
"Dumping"??? Sorry, but you will have to do better to get up to the state of "dumping"! Rather, I read a very warm, wonder, caring person who was privileged enough to share one of those spectacular experiences with a very special warrior. Heather, Susan, Suzanne, Debra, Karen and I can feel the frustration, lonliness, and pain the pours fourth in every word.
"The Girls", my two white standard poodle liter-mates, each suffered extreme torsion three weeks apart. I was able to save both of them in a battle that financially makes this cancer look meger. However, three years later, the each passed on only three months apart from complications due to the torsion. It took me three years before I opened my heart to Cherry and she had a life threatening condition at the ripe age of 6 months. That was 11½ years ago and while I still often sob at the loss of "The Girls", miss them dearly, and could really use their support right now, I can honestly say that there is as often a quite smile when ever I think of them. Just seconds ago, I was in the study and glanced at the last photo ever taken of Cassy.
I have mentioned this experience only to let you know that we feel what you are feeling, and if the people around you cannot understand, then it is their loss. If the only way to not feel the pain was to never have them in my life, then I choose the pain when they are gone. Heather is right, we will get through this. Lean on us. Many of us have been there and can fully sympathize with your feelings. I do feel that my words are hollow in light of the loss of Jake, but know that you have a full community here to help. You will get through this and if letting us see your feelings and our sharing the pain helps, then please rely on us.
Bob & Cherry
I don't know about you, but our animals are our children. We can't have any and chose, for many reasons, not to go through the ridiculous and painful process of in vitro.
Anyway, Caira Sue IS our family and she IS our daughter. And when she goes it will be just like losing a family member. And we know. I've lost my father and Adam lost his mother just over a year ago. We KNOW the pain and we know the grieving process and we KNOW that this will be just as painful. Because she IS our family.
Jake was part of your family. He was a family member. He was your son. You had 2 alive and now you have one and who can possibly deny you that pain?
But you are right, people don't understand. My mother called into work once the day her dog died and was met with "it's just a dog." NO. It's not just a dog. You know what? People are callous. And those people have never experienced the love we have both had from our dog children. Sad for them.
You are the brave one who has gone through this journey with Jake. And it is painful to dream about them, even when you really want to have that "one more moment" with them.
You know what? That shows me you still have a heart. You have compassion. You care.
I'm so glad I had the chance to "get to know" someone such as yourself through this forum. You are a good person. And tears are a sign of your strength.
May 2001-Jan 21, 2010.....I'm a dog and I'm AWESOME!..... Always.
Margueritte,
I didn't realize Shilo and Jake passed away exactly one week apart. Never feel like you are dumping, it is truely here that I have found those who feel that same compassion, and it is here I can feel true understanding. Like you said, a lot of the world thinks we are crazy... 
I have had those dreams.... I am finally sleeping all night with the help of sleeping aids... I think I would still be making the 4am sprout out of bed in a panic to give meds and check on my baby. My husband wishes for the dreams, I don't right now anyway. Like you said you wake up and realize it was just a dream and then it hurts just as much as the day you said goodbye.
Someone used the term "my heart dog". I have loved all my babies but there are very few that get past that to become your "heart" dog. Shilo was mine. She got me... She knew my emotions before I did. I wonder now if I will ever again find a connection that can even compare.
Then there was someone else that said," one day you will finally come to a place where you can be "ok" without them, and then you will look for another family pack member. You will miss all that hair, midnight pees, etc. Yes, they are right I am sure I will.
Don't be so hard on yourself about Wolfie, even if you try to hide the tears. He too feels the loss, it will take time...
My prayers and thoughts are with you... 
Sorry for my rambling too...
Hugs
Alisa & ShiloAnne (spirit)
Shilo diagnosed with osteosarcoma 9/4/2009, amputation 9/9/2009. ShiloAnne lost her battle 11/23/2009 where she regained her fourth leg and is patiently waiting for her parents to join her. We will always love you baby girl.
May peace find all of you suffering that terrible loss. I tend to be extremely strong with the loss of a person, but I know losing Trouble is going to turn me to mush. There is nothing that compares to the connection you have with your cancer dog.
Shanna & Spirit Trouble ~ Trouble gained her wings 3/16/2011, a 27 1/2 month cancer survivor, tail wagging. RIP sweetheart, you are my heart and soul. Run free at Rainbow Bridge.
The November Five - Spirits Max, Cherry, Tika, Trouble & Nova. 11/2008 - 3/2013 An era ends as Queen Nova crossed the Bridge.
Morning Margarite,
So yesterday has pasted, how are things today? Supai & I are new to this site, so I don't know much about you. In 2000 I said good by to my first Dog Buck. He was a great lab, He went everywhere with me for 13 years. My friends referred to him as my shadow, always there. I thought my world ended that day. I don't know if Jake was your first loss or your hardest loss maybe both. But as dog lovers we are cursed with enduring this pain way to often.
My words of advice, don't fight the memories or the tears. These are signs of just how much you loved Jake. Jake will always be with you, after 9 yrs. I still get teared eyed sometimes thinking about Buck. When I felt down I would go someplace where Buck & I had a good memory, like a favorite hunting spot, the top of Cardigan Mtn. where we so so many beautiful sun sets. Talk with a friend who knew Jake and talk about good memories that make you smile even bettre make you laugh thinking about him. Celebrate your life together and don't concentrate on mourning his passing. By celebrating you keep his spirit living and if you can do that with others you pass his spirit along.
Unfourtunatley I am realizing now that Suapi will be a greater loss. For the better part of 1 year I took care of Supai through 2 blown cruciate repairs, now the Cancer fight. The bond we build with our dags guiding them through these trials makes for an incredible bound.
Make Sure You Smile Once Today 
Marguerite,
There is no magic time frame or any magic answers when it comes to grief! Oh don't we wish there was, then we would know when we would stop feeling like crap, crying our eyes out and trying to pull the knife out of our heart!!
I have had so much loss in the past 5 years, both parents and 3 animals, there have been times that I did not think I could get through another day! Then something would happen to make me smile and laugh and sad thoughts turned to wonderful memories. Jim is right though, it never gets "all" better. I guess that is part of life.
If I had a magic wand I would wave it your way.......just want you to remember that we, in this caring community, are sending you love and support. Be kind to yourself.
Gineej & Paris
Grateful for every moment we had with Paris…..no regrets!
Honoring her life by opening our hearts & home to Addy!
Jake wanted to visit. It's hard to wake up from visits, but it will get easier. Do what feels right. Take time to spoil yourself and Wolfie as much as you can. You're not alone. We all get it and we'll all get through it. 
More thoughts and prayers coming your way.
Yoda&Mom united: 9/5/06 …….… Yoda&Leg separated: 6/5/09……… Yoda&Leg reunited: 10/14/09 ……… ……………….………….………….……. Yoda&Mom NEVER separated! …………………….….……....….…… Though Spirit Yoda currently free-lances as a rabbit hunting instructor for tripawds nationwide
Marguerite,.
What a beautiful dream Jake sent you. But yes, so hard to wake up to the hard reality. Here's hoping you are having a better day today. Love yourself and Wolfie.
We are sending you big love from Oaktown,
Martha and the Pack
Woohoo! Tripawds Rule!
Regulator of the Oaktown Pack, Sheriff of the Oaktown Pawsse, Founding member and President of the Tripawd Girldogs With 2 Names ROCK Club, and ... Tripawd Girldog Extraordinaire!
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