Hi Carol - so sorry to hear this turn of events. I'm sorry you are second-guessing your decision to amputate, for how much stress you are feeling, and how miserable Blitz feels.

Unfortunately, the rollercoaster continued for us the entire 3+ years, it seems; but for very different reasons. More about that in a second....so he had a GREAT day, fishing by the water. YAY!!! Maybe, just maybe, he overdid it a bit, and the next day or two he was like a human weekend warrior who overdoes it - he was sore, and seemed to be backsliding. In my heart, I feel like he needs the correct combination and dosage of meds (I know the consensus might be that he should be off meds by now), and needs to take it slow and easy for a time. I could be way off base, but that's what I think. I know you're feeling the pinch of the cost of recovery - especially if you feel it's all hopeless right now. Have you done any research about a vet who does chiropractic adjustments in your area? I mean a vet who is trained and licensed in this specialty. There are some here who don't believe in this, but I will tell you in all honesty, Nitro WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED without this. We didn't find our holistic vet until he was about 4 weeks post amp, and he was in a lot of pain - mostly in his neck/back area. Even after the first visit, we saw a noticeable difference. Maybe Blitz has some kind of pinched nerve or something that is inhibiting his ability to recover. 

Next, I know how stressful this is - I lived with that stress for 3 years, and it does take it's toll; how is your outward attitude around him? Do you feel you are able to be positive and upbeat in his presence, or is this terrible stress you're under transmitting to him, even subconsciously? They are SO in tune to our feelings, seeing things in us that we don't even know we are projecting. I remember in the early days of recovery, feeling like it was dragging on so slowly, like he would NEVER get through it. "Why is it taking so long?" The time could never pass quickly enough for me (but as his life was nearing its end, it moved way too fast).

Back to our rollercoaster....we had many, many ups and downs over the course of 3+ years. As he mastered the "tripawd thing", he was faced with new challenges along the way. Old age, failing kidneys, arthritis in his hind end, decreasing mobility, loss of appetite...we experienced all of this with him. And all of this was as stressful as his early days of a difficult recovery from surgery. And you know what? As hard as all of it was, from the beginning to the end, the alternative was a thousand times worse....if we had chosen to end his life instead of proceeding with the surgery, I would've never known what a warrior he was, what a warrior I was. The bond we formed the last 3 years of his life is priceless...

Now all of this rambling leads to this...you know Blitz better than anyone. Only you can know what is the right path to follow. My story is not necessarily your story, and no one here will fault you for any decision you make. Right now you are sleep-deprived, out of your mind with worry, and stressed beyond belief. Sending you prayers that you can figure out what is going on with him.

Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro

p.s. as always, feel free to give me a call if you need to vent...I sincerely mean this

Thank you Rene for sharing this. Also, I just want to say.....Carol, remember how you felt on Friday, when Blitz was having a super fantastic day. Try to keep this feeling in mind as you move towards an explanation/resolution of his issues right now. You've seen a glimpse of what life can be like for him once you figure out what the problem is. Don't give up hope - hope kept me going for a long, long time with Nitro. Speaking of, I've asked Nitro to whisper in Blitz's ear to tell him it will be ok, and to send some of his positive warrior energy your way - to give you strength and courage to move forward. Hugs to you friend!

Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro