Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Hi all
In terms of spirits, appetite and her 100% solid gold angel personality, Eva is still doing well. Lily had another mast cell tumour taken out, but she is also good.
However, Eva has stopped responding to her carboplatin chemo, and has been just switched to Palladia (at home, so luckily I don't have to take her to OVC any more). Despite that, oncology is only thinking about another three months. I'd really been holding on to the hope of a whole year post-amp... I wanted to take her swimming in the summer.
I don't sit and cry all over her hair, because she doesn't like it when I cry, and would much rather I pick up the damn toy and play. However, its getting so hard to stay optimistic - every time I look at her I feel as though death is just sitting on my shoulder, waiting. I'm dreading the day I have to decide to let her go, and I'm dreading all sorts of stupid little things after...seeing her bed, and her leash and her bowl. Seeing Lily looking for her. Not hearing her breathing in my room at night.
How did you react to the feeling of waiting for the inevitable? Also, what did/are you doing to make their last days as good as possible? I give lots of treats and I play with her toys and I built steps so that she can go back to getting into bed with me, but our walks are limited as she gets tired before we're at the end of the block. I take her out anyways because she gets so excited, but walking her makes me feel worse sometimes, because I can't help but remember the way it was just last year. I feel guilty whenever I have to leave her.
Ugh - this is just a big weepy message to the virtual community, but I feel like I'm constantly trying to tack on some optimism and failing. I'm just glad that she doesn't know anything is wrong.
Yours, snotty-nosed and snivelly.... Jess and Eva. (well, to be honest Eva is alternating between snoring and chasing dream-rabbits. I'm the perfectly healthy yet angst-filled one 
)
I went through "anticipatory grief" when Jack was first diagnosed and posted a question about preparing for loss. The couple links I got in responses really helped me think of things in a new way. One thing for sure is that the feelings of helplessness have been pushed aside through the support of this website 🙂 Hope it helps!!!
<3 Laura and Jack
Hi Jess,
While the road we are on can only end in one place, there is no way to tell when we will get there. Eva only knows she has today, and she is happy with today. Our dogs have the advantage over us in living life that way.
I will tell you that I did not deal with Maggie's initial prognosis very well. I focused on the amount of time they were giving her, and spent time worrying about what I would do when she was gone, and while I worried about an uncertain future I could not control, Maggie was right there in front of me, wanting to sleep on my lap, go to the park, and play with her toys.
My advice is not to focus on times or dates. Focus on today. Don't focus on what she can't do anymore- Eva doesn't miss it, that is only you. Many here have outlived their prognosis, and some have fallen short. You really don't know how much time you have, so you have to focus on now and treasure every moment.
You stay positive until Eva gives you a real reason to not be.
Of course all of this is easier said than done. That is where this site is such a huge help, there are so many people who have been where you are now. It looks pretty quiet here tonight but I'm sure you will get more response tomorrow.
Check out the blog called Caira Sue. We just said goodbye to Caira Sue last week, but she showed us how to be a dog to the end.
Karen and the pug girls
Hi Jess,
Karen wrote a lovely response to you...and a reminder to me too. It's so hard not to think of the things you're thinking right now... Believe me, I've been doing the same thing and try to push them out and think of TODAY and the little things with my dog, Maggie, that matters most.
This whole thing has changed my views with my dogs in so many ways...for the better...
Tracy, Maggie's Mom
Maggie was amputated for soft tissue sarcoma 10-20-09
Maggie lost her battle with kidney disease on 8-24-13
Jess,
PLEASE do not waste one day crying.....pick up the toys and commence living!! Eva does not know she has cancer and you have no idea how many days you really have.....how sad to waste them mourning before she is gone.
I tell you these things because I know................I recently lost my sweet Paris, she lived 1 year and 3 days after amputation. Most important she lived 8 1/2 months after lung mets was found. On that day they told me 3 months, got home had my cry and than decided that Paris would live with cancer. She lived a wonderful life filled with toys and travel and cheeseburgers and loving her people!
Have your good cry, dry your eyes and remember that every moment matters!! I know this sounds very corny, but it is so true. Caring for our pups is a huge lesson in life.
Take good care and love that girl one day at a time!
Ginny & Angel Paris
Grateful for every moment we had with Paris…..no regrets!
Honoring her life by opening our hearts & home to Addy!
Jess and Eva,
As always, this wonderful community has given wonderful advice and hopefully support during the very difficult time. Ginny and I have been through this exact situation within the last month. While Ginny and I knew of the issues each was having, I believe that this community would tell you that in each case it was a suprise. I cannot underestimate the power of positive attitude. Cherry's health took a real nosedive as she approached her one year ampuversary. Every one of the symptoms that one would look expect were there. In spite of the scare, we filled this house with the plans for a great three day celebration - twelfth birthday, one year ampuversary, and a party at both of Cherry's care providers. She rallied and a wonderful Three Day Celebration was had by all. We had nearly six more weeks that were filled with wonderful memories. I would also say that Caira Sue's pawrents (Mary and Adam) did much the same. As long as Caira Sue wanted to enjoy life, they found the strength to enjoy that time and filled themselves with memories that will last forever. I am not trying to lay a guilt trip on you but rather attempting to echo Ginny immediately above. There will be plenty of time later to grieve - now is the time to build as many positive memories as you can.
When it was clear the we had to let go of Cherry, I made the appointment for the end of the day. That morning I called her breeder to tell her. Know that the call would be difficult (in spite of the fact we both knew it was comming), I went out to the fartherest corner of the yard to call and as expected I totaly lost it numerous times. However, I waited until I had regained my composure before going back into the house and hugging Cherry. I am very pleased that during her 405 days as a TraPawd, she rarely saw her "Dad" crying or "blue". She was much more likely to hear me singing to her even if my singing may be considered torture.
Please take everything written above as supportive. No one thinks that it is easy, but if you follow the advice of all those above, you will help Eva and build positive memories that you can hold for eternity. Believe me - there will be plenty of time later to grieve.
Spirit Cherry's Dad - Bob
Jess, I can't say it better than anyone else already has. We lost our Max on the 17th, due to complications from osteosarcoma. It was unexpected for us, as we really thought he'd be with us until about March or April. At any rate, listen to what everyone else has already said: there will be plenty of time for mourning later. Take each and every day and make it special for both you and Eva. She doesn't know she's sick, she only knows you're her person and she loves you. So be happy for today, tomorrow, and each day after that. Give her a treat and a pet for me!
Diane
I was so upset when we got the diagnoses of cancer and I could at first could only concentrate on the end, but as time goes by I have realized I am wasting the time we have together with sadness and not enjoying the moment with joy and happiness. Tasha has shown me many lessons the most important for now is to live and appreciate each and every day we are blessed to be together. The time for sadness will someday come but for today just love, play, hug and feel blessed they are with you. Grieve, yes someday, but not today.
Jo Ann & Tasha 
Tasha 8 years old, First cancer diagnosis 6/26/09, Last cancer diagnosis 9/26/09, Amputation 10/01/09, Loving our girl moment by moment.
Tasha lost her battle and became my Angel on May 4 2011. Forever in my heart….
EvaBabay said ...
How did you react to the feeling of waiting for the inevitable? Also, what did/are you doing to make their last days as good as possible?
Acceptance is the first step. Consider these posts from Jerry's blog during the times we shared similar feeleings:
- Buying Time on an Emotional Budget
Monday, May 19th, 2008 - Acknowledge there is nothing to lose.
Sunday, August 24th, 2008
Another helpful forum topic may be this one discussing questions to ask yourself when facing pet loss.
Finally, many people have found help for coping with anticipatory grief in Doug Koktavy's book, the Legacy of Beezer and Boomer.
The best personal advice I can offer is to set your human emotions aside and just try to make the most of every moment together by realizing dread, fear and worry do nothing but make the time you have more miserable.
Best wishes.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I can only echo what everyone else has said. When Tazzie was first diagnosed and had surgery I would often find myself wondering how long she would have and even planning her euthanasia. Finally I realized that Tazzie was enjoying life like she always had and that crying around her only made her sad and confused so I always made sure to have a positive attitude. She ended up surviving for almost 14 months and although we had to make a decision to say goodbye quite unexpectedly (due to spinal mets) I can honestly say that she enjoyed all of those months and probably didn't even realize that she was missing out on anything.
Try to enjoy any time that you do have and take hope in dogs like Paris and Tika who both lived so much longer than they were "supposed" to, even with lung mets.
Pam
Jess, I was glad to see this topic and so glad to read all the wonderful replies. All of us lose our courage sometimes and need that reminder from the gang that while it may be a normal reaction, our remaining time should be spent celebrating the time we have. One of my lines is "there is not a date stamp on their butt", meaning of course none of us know when the end will be.
Trouble celebrated her 14 month ampuversary yesterday, and she and I hope to see you and Eva celebrate month after month for a long while to come. The cancer journey is not a fun one, and not one any of us would have chosen, but we have found the support we need in this group to keep going - one day at a time.
One must actively work to keep the fear demon at bay, but with the help of the folks here, it can be done. Hugs to you and Slurpies to Eva.
Shanna & Spirit Trouble ~ Trouble gained her wings 3/16/2011, a 27 1/2 month cancer survivor, tail wagging. RIP sweetheart, you are my heart and soul. Run free at Rainbow Bridge.
The November Five - Spirits Max, Cherry, Tika, Trouble & Nova. 11/2008 - 3/2013 An era ends as Queen Nova crossed the Bridge.
First off . . . {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}
We all understand those feelings of dread, fear and doom. What you are going through is totally normal, especially for humans. But what you have to ask yourself is; do you want to let cancer rob you of the time you have left together? Because that's what it tries to do; it tries to steal our happiness away. And it only wins if you let it.
I know that's oversimplified, but that's the way we need to look at it. Nobody knows how long any of us will live, so why not make the most of the time we have on earth, by living life the way our canine heroes do; one day at a time, living every moment with as much joy as if it were our first, and our last. Be present right here right now, in the moment, and try not to dwell on what you cannot control. Because none of us can predict tomorrow. There will be plenty of time to cry, some day in the future. Until then, love your baby girl as much as you can and follow her lead. I guarantee she will help you cope that way.
Good luck, and remember we are always here anytime you want to vent or cry or whatever OK?
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Everyone here hopefully perked you up a little. I can't really add too much. Other than a few weeks ago, I thought my Comet was facing the end, even though she doesn't have cancer, she has a boat-load of other ailments. Her mind was spacey and she was so out of it. (as everyone here remembers)
For 4 days, I planned in my head what would I do afterwards without her. I just knew the end was near. I was even angry with Rocket, her new little brother, since he had torn up all of her life's toys and I wouldn't have any to remember her by.
I even lost my fight to try to make her better since I done it with such force for 11 years straight and probably seemed a bit cuckoo with all my vets. Since I'm with her 24/7, I thought how was I going to get through each day alone with her. I wanted to beg my husband to stay at home so I didn't have to face it alone, but I didn't.
Everyone here was so kind and supporative. Thank you all, again.
But I have to say, what really got me through was what my mother reminded me of when my dad was dying. My dad was given 2 years to live at the age of 34 because of an enlarged heart. He was a robust, athletic man and he had a death sentence handed to him at 34 years of age with two small kids, one that was born with a birth defect and a wife that didn't work. His option was a heart transplant - in the late 1970's with a life expectancy of another 2 years at the time. He, of course said, NO. He felt he would be an invalid and his heart was who he was - his soul. So, he lived his life like it was his last after that! He lived 10 years, not 2. He was able to see me, his daughter get married and bought my brother a pizzeria, so he would have a place to work knowing his disabilities. He vacationed every chance he got - with Las Vegas being his favorite, which is why I ended up here (from Oklahoma). He was happy-go-lucky and went fishing 3 times out of the week after work.
Toward the end he slowed down when things got worse for him. He got a pace maker - but that was a band-aid. My mom said, she knew he was getting really bad even though he still went to work and did as much as he could. She said, she started doing all the wrong things herself like, worrying over him and fussing over him constantly. She said she was so distraught, all she did was make him mad because she couldn't enjoy the days he was living anymore. My dad would get so frustrated at her because she wouldn't let him do anything anymore. He knew he was dying but he didn't want to be treated like an invalid. He wanted to live every moment while my mom wanted to be miserable!
So, he died doing what he did almost every day. Going to breakfast with his friend from work before work. He knew it was his last day. He said so to his friend by wearing a ball cap his friend gave him but he would never wear because he considered it special. He had it on that morning and told his friend, "Today's the day.". He collapsed and died instantly walking into the restaurant.
My mom reminded me that worrying yourself sick on what "could" happen doesn't do anything other than make one miserable. You have to enjoy what you have; whether it be moments, days, weeks, months or years. She didn't enjoy the last year my dad was alive and he didn't much either. They fussed a lot and she regrets that. It was simply her fear of losing him that caused it all. The good news is they did have a wonderful last day together she said, even though it was spent going to Dallas to the doctors. They laughed most of the trip, she said.
That's what I was reminded of when I was needlessly suffering with Comet. I was so thankful Comet got better and I can really appreciate the gift I was given to enjoy her even more.
Sorry for the long story...it gave me perspective and I thought I'd share.
---- Comet's, 'not gonna cry until I have to' Mommy
Comet - 1999 to 2011
She departed us unexpectedly January 23, 2011 at the age of 12 1/2.
She was born with a deformed front leg and a tripawd all of her life.
Thank you all SO MUCH. I can't even describe how much better I feel after reading all your posts (although I know I don't have to, because everyone here as experienced the same support during their own dark moments).
I particularly liked the point made by the author of Beezer and Boomer, that the real menace of disease is not in its ultimate outcome but rather in the time it steals from us in worry and in dread. As you all said, Eva doesn't know that this is happening to her, and she is perfectly happy. I'm making a resolution to be as optimistic and cheerful around her as I can possibly be - she thinks I sound weird when I cry! As long as she can follow me around for regular belly rubs and snore loudly in my ear at night and steal my coat to search for treats in the pockets... Eva's life is good. I'm glad you make me pay attention to that.
There will be more down days, but the Tripawds community makes that heartbreak and loss easier to bear, because it reminds me that all of you know exactly what its like to be sitting where I am now, and that we're not alone.
Thank you all so much.
- Eva and Jess
cometdog said:
But I have to say, what really got me through was what my mother reminded me of when my dad was dying.
Wow. Thanks for sharing that heartfelt story with us, it was so powerful, and I know it will help others too. I'm so sorry about losing your Dad at such a young age.
Meanwhile, Jess and Eva, you are so sweet. Anytime you need a nudge to get you in the pawsitive frame of mind, you know where to turn.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
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