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Bailey Girl has earned her wings today.
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Member Since:
18 June 2014
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9 October 2014 - 4:37 am
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Tracy- You can still talk about your girl! We want to hear more. Hope this day is a little better.

Laurie

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5 February 2014
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9 October 2014 - 4:32 pm
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Unfortunately it's a gloomy day in St. Louis and today is a week already.

I'm really struggling and I can't eat.  I know this sounds stupid but my husband wants me to drink meal replacement shakes.  My stomach just feels like someone is twisting it like they are wringing it out.

I'm sorry, I can't get this yet.

Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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9 October 2014 - 10:27 pm
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Okay....try and drink those meal replacements....for Bailey...and for us ...and your hubby!!

You know how excited you got when Bailey ate? And sometimes she didn't want to...but she did for yiu!!! Okay, this may sound crazy...but this whole jiurney is crazy....here goes....pretend like Bailey is sitting right by yiur side (because she is) and is cheering you on with each bite you take!!!

Perhaps a grilled cheese would help your tummy right now. You MUST take care ofnyiurself Trac! You are the onlymone who can share Bailey's legacy and heroic battle with the world. Her story needs to be told and you have to stay strong so you can be here voice!

The loss of your beloved Bailey is a grief like no other. Only those who jave been there can truly understand. The intensity of caring for a tripawd 24/7 and then no longer having them here on earth...devastating. brutally devastating.

All I can say is you WILL eventually crawl out of this abyss!! Don't push it...it won't work. You just have to go through it at your own pace..
One step forward...twenty backwards...at first. It seems like the depth of despair will never stop...it does....slowly, to darn slowly....you just have to trust all of us who jave been here. It gets bearable....inconsistently at first.

Sending you so much love...and some more Oreos to go with your meal replacement. And no...oreos don't count as supper!!!

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle

PS...wish I could see all the pics you have on facebooger of Bailey. I know it's jard to just pick one for the calendar.

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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10 October 2014 - 4:24 pm
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Sally, PM me you email address and I can send you a link or a album from my computer.

 

It's a day I can't breath and feel like I can't cope... this weather is not helping it's raining and chilly here in St. Louis and has been the past two days.  Yucko.

I know someday it will get easier and I know I need to start loving on Bella more.  I do love her but my heart is just broken.  It is so true that after taking care of her 24/7 it is a deeper heart ache and I'm sure it will take time.  I told Bailey I was coming with her.  I know wrong to say but sometimes I really wish the world would stop.

Just so hard.

HUGS,

Tracy and Bailey

On The Road


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10 October 2014 - 8:06 pm
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Tracy, never forget that just as Bailey's love was infinite, so is yours, you have lots go give to Bella too. Deep down it's still there, even the smallest acts of kindness will show it to her. Plus, every time you do something for Bell, you'll lift your spirits too. It's a win-win! {{{{hugs}}

-We have icky weather here too, makes me feel the same way.

Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet

Member Since:
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10 October 2014 - 10:17 pm
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Hope today is a better day for you. It certainly seems like the ones that need the extra nursing care are the ones that we get extra attached to.

Some days are going to be harder than others, but you will get through this! But do take care of of yourself, at least a little bit. (& if you wanna eat Oreos for supper go ahead!)

Sonya & "Millie"--born Feb 1999, diagnosed with OSA 8/27/14, set free 9/27/14
(RIP baby girl)

Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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10 October 2014 - 10:30 pm
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Let's just get this straight right now...the part about wanting togo with Bailey. irst of all, we all understand that.

Second of all...and most importantly....Bailey would be the first one to block your entrance to the Bridge and she would kick your butt straight back to earth soooo fast....faster than a speeding bullet!!! It would tick her off big time because she wants you to stay with Bella and Mckenzie and her daddy!! She wants to watcc you try and drink meal replacers so she can laugh at you for al those times you tried to make her eat yucky kibble when all she wanted was peanut butter!!

Yeah, it does seem like your world stopped...everybody else is moving along with their day to day routines snd all your routines nave been stripped away.

To piggyback on what Jerry said about Bella. The next time you have that awful void...that awful break in routine when you would normally give Bailey a pill, or prepare her food...whatever the task was....fill that particular part of the day with doing something with Bella...fill that gap with Bella,. As Jerry said, it's a win/win.

Loss has shown you what is precious...so has the love for which you can only be grateful

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too

And remember, Bailey put up a"No Trespassing" sign....I think she even added "Keep Out Mom"!way-cool

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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12 October 2014 - 7:18 am
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Ditto what Sally and Jerry said.  I find that when it is rainy and miserable out I feel the same way.  That was yesterday and I purposely stayed away from this site as I know I would have spent the day crying. Rather than cry or visit this site I spent the day eating and napping. Well that didn't help either lol. Chunk up the time... write down a little to do list and check off a few chores that you have accomplished. It will make you feel productive! We are here for you. Bailey is trying to have fun with all of our furbabies and should not have to worry about you. She would rather play instead of guarding the gate with a " no trespass sign". 

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14 October 2014 - 8:56 pm
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I have stayed a way for a little bit because I can honestly say that I have been on the floor.  Not to brag but I think I am having a break down.  This weather in St. Louis has been rainy, gloomy, grey and today cold... and nope I have not showered (I shouldn't tell anyone that) but I'm not leaving my house.  The food is not going good... in fact not at all but I know I have to pull it together.  I planned on coming on here tonight and try to read Bailey's journey and see where everything happened and what went wrong.  But I didn't make it there and I can't go there but I will some day. 

I watch the video where she is wrestling with her sister after 2 months amp and wonder what in the heck happened to that Bailey, she was back and I thought she was that way to stay.  I just really can't accept she's gone.  I have her harness and I really wish I would have kept her sponge bob blanket but that belonged to her and she has it in her mouth I just know it. 

My husband went down to check on the flowers and once again deer were down and around but the new flowers had not been touched they hissed at him like giving a signal to the others hopped our fence and the white tails took off he said.  I think deer are peaceful and I'm sure Bailey is saying I wish I could just chase them out of my yard.

Anyway, I need to breath and try to get healthy, my husband thinks I'm trying to kill myself and in my head I just don't think about eating or drinking.  But I know I have to do it for everyone. 

This site was sent to me from God at the very beginning because he knew that I couldn't make it without you.

Love and tight hugs,

Tracy and Bailey

P.S. and damn I miss our routine and I am trying with Bella... we need to go to the vet and I am trying to put it off until next week hopefully the weather will be nicer, she's stiff getting up and may need something for her back end... is there anything out there other than rimadyl for her shaky legs?  It's beginning of wobblers but knock on wood and I am right from here going to that it never progresses.

HUGS and I'm here and I will try to be more supportive.

Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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14 October 2014 - 10:16 pm
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Thank you soooo mich for checking in. I know it was hard, but we do worry when we don't hear from our family....family that we care about so deeply.

Tracy, there is one answer to that seemingly never-ending question of ehat happened...what went wrong...Its the DISEASE Tracy, it's the piece of crap disease! It makes up it's own rules, has no heart, no soul. It's always there innthe background, just lurking and waiting to gake over. BAILEY'S soul was not touched, her Spirit remained intact. It may have tried to take over her body, but it never, ever touched he eternal Soul!

I know you are falling to pieces Tracy. I know you are barely able to breathe. In addition to your husband and your wonderful daughter, you have another HUGE reason to force yourself to take better care of YOU! And that is BAILEY!!! Can you imagines how sad Bailey is feeling because she HAD to go? She needed to free herself of a body that no longer served her...but she waited until she KNEW you would be okay. She transitioned believing you would be okay...because you told her you would. She knew you would be hurting...but she did not for one second think you would give up on life. No indeedy, that thought did not cross her mind!

Bailey knows you...just like you know Bailey! Bailey knows you have the strength to get better. She saw how you fought for her everyday. She infused you with her courage by settingnthe example for you of what bravery looked like. She taught you how to accept that which you cannot change! She taught you acceptance and how to find the sun on even the darkest days.

You speak of faith often Tracy. Let the remembrance of Bailey's strength, her courage and her happy fun filled life be your touchstone for the faith that you have what you need to let the sunlight back in your heart...the faith that Bailey is sooooo happy and fit and healthy..the faith that you have so much more to do with your life....so many more lives to touch with Bailey's legacy.

Bella needs your help.. She depends on you to help her because she cannot help herself. Make time tomorrow to PM Patricia, Atlas's mom. She has dealt with wobblers with her Great Dane and has had great success with acupuncture and various supplements.

If an Acupuncturist comes to your house you will jave to wash your hairclap

Stay connected Tracy! We love you!!!! This is a safe haven for you!!!

TIGHT HUGS.....VERY, VERY TIGHT HUGS!!! Dont stay away from the hugs too long...it makes you think whacky thoughts!!! And we whack whacky thoughts around here!!!!

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

On The Road


Member Since:
24 September 2009
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14 October 2014 - 10:23 pm
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Tracy I so know what you mean about missing routines and then the icky weather on top of that, well it just makes everything seem so depressing. But I have a story for you...

When our Jerry left us we were in the Pacific Northwest, in rainy, dreary November. The RV was freezing, the sky never turned blue, we were so depressed, so down, and just wanted to stay away from everything and everyone forever. Everything we felt was so contrary to what Jerry had taught us and we knew it wasn't right to be so down, because he absolutely hated it when we were sad, but we couldn't help it.

Then one day while walking on a lonely river with nobody around for miles, we looked down (how could we not, our heads were permanently down at that point), and we saw this:

Image Enlarger

Can you believe it? Jerry sent us this sign! He was telling us to be happy, to treasure this life and everyone we have in it because we only get once chance and when it's gone it's gone; don't waste it!

We were stunned. It was a sure sign that Jerry was still with us, that his spirit didn't die, it just changed forms and was even brighter than ever.

I know in my heart that Bailey is sending you signs like this. You need to find the strength within you to get up, go outside with Bella, and walk, look up, look around, look down, and you will see Bailey everywhere, I promise. And when you do, life will show a glimmer of hope again, no doubt about that.

You can do it Tracy, I know it. And please please please call the Argus Institute for grief counseling OK? Promise us you will.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet

Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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14 October 2014 - 11:09 pm
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OMD! Talk about a SIGN from JERRY!!! WOW! This just takes my breath away!!!! I bet this just shook you to your core...in the best way!!!!

Okay...had either yoh or Jim lost any grandparents that were special to you? Or someone who was a grandparent type figure? That sure would be an exclamation point!!!

And I love that Jerry sent a message using such a strong symbol so grounded to the earth.....love that!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Member Since:
15 July 2011
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58
15 October 2014 - 7:16 am
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There are no words adequate to express how very sorry I am to hear about your sweet girl.

The pain of losing our shadows is tremendous. I know I am having trouble getting my mind to think about things other than the last couple of weeks before Bart became an angel when I now realize that he was struggling just to be with me. I hope you are able to refocus your mind to the good times and all the great care you took of your girl. But, I get it...I totally get it. 

Hang in there. I have learned that the pain of the loss does not get lighter and when I cry my tears are still filled with pure sadness like nothing I have ever experienced. But, I can now look at photos I have of Bart all over my office and when they flash upon my computer screen I can smile at what we had. 

My heart hurts with yours.

Darcy and Bart, who remains the most extraordinary Vizsla EVER!!

Member Since:
22 August 2014
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15 October 2014 - 8:33 am
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Oh Tracy, boy do I understand, my heart breaks open again every-single-day. I seem to be alright during work, but as soon as I leave the thought of going home reminds me of Theo. You really do miss the routine. I'm glad you have Bella though, like others said try to spend time with her to get past the tough breaks in Bailey routines, Bailey will understand and be happy. Just little steps at a time as your heart mends.

And keep looking for signs from Bailey, sometimes it's the only thing to cling to. Sometimes just finding a tuft of Theo's fur is enough to comfort me. May be creepy, but I've started keeping them in a jewelry box every time I find one... I just can't seem to throw them away. I didn't even vacuum for two weeks for fear of getting rid of some of them.

This is still so very new for us. And please don't wonder where you went wrong. You didn't...we didn't. I knew you were doing EVERYTHING possible for Bailey when you swooped in on those supplements I offered so fast. You did EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING you could and Bailey knew that!!

Lots and lots of Hugs!!

SnaggleMom and The Snaggliest Angel Theo

Martinsburg, WV
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3 June 2014
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15 October 2014 - 8:54 am
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Tracy,

This grief SUCKS...no doubt about it.  It's so easy to lose ourselves in the heartache and sadness of losing our Tripawd but you have SO MUCH to continue to live for.  Your family and other furkids need you and I have no doubt Bailey would not want this for you. 

Like you I'm still left with unanswered questions on how things went so horribly wrong for Leland and how we ended up here.  For a while I continued to research excessively autoimmune disorders, thyroid issues, over vaccinations, and early neutering to try and make some sense of how we ended up at this point....you know what even with all that I still don't have an answer for the "mysterious mass" that showed up in my Leland's knee that no vet can seem to tell me what it was.  I've just come to accept that perhaps I may never know but I will do better for my other furkid Lucian.  With cancer we do our best to fight it with everything we have...sometimes it can be defeated and other times it continues to rear its ugly head no matter what we do. 

You NEED to try and take care of you...it breaks my heart reading the pain that you are in.  This community CANNOT lose you...you're needed to carry on Bailey's legacy.  We will do all we can to lift you up during this rough patch but please try to eat and drink.  Go take a shower, put on a pair of jeans and sweatshirt then step outside to breathe in some fresh air...just for a few minutes if you can.

I'll be sending you a warm HUG up there in cold rainy MO.

Sahana and her Angel Leland 

Leland

November 17, 2009 - June 30, 2014

May you finally be healthy and running free at the Rainbow Bridge. Until we meet again my sweet boy!

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