Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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I am sitting at my computer and Jack is snuggling in his little bed next to me. Even though I still have him, I know my time with him is coming to an end. His lungs were clear on his last x-ray and his lymph node was clear, but I am painfully aware that one day the x-ray will come back with the dreaded "suspicious spots". He is the first dog I have ever raised from a puppy, and will be the first dog I will ever have to be with when he takes his last little breath. I am trying to prepare myself for when this time comes and after reading the hospice link, I just lost it. No matter how much I don't want to be with him when he "crosses the rainbow bridge", I now realize that the faces of the people that picked him up from the shelter and loved him throughout his life should be the last thing he sees in this world. The thing that calmed me down was something I read in another coping with loss post. Someone raised the question of why do we get dogs when we know their lives are finite. The answer they came up with was that dogs have shorter life spans than their people because people can grieve and support eachother and continue on with the memories of their precious doggies; dogs on the other hand could not live without their owners. They need us for food, love, shelter, snuggles, and kisses, and we are their keepers for however long they happen to bless us with their presence. This gave me some comfort in knowing that he needs me more than I need him. Some days I feel like everything will be OK, and other days, like today, I just lose it at the thought of the moment when I have to bring him in, watch him get the injection, and close his eyes one last time. I find it a little easier knowing that at least we have the benefit of knowing how he will leave us, but I guess I just need some advice on how to prepare myself for the moment when it happens.
Oh sweetie, we are sending lots of love and hugs out to you. We understand completely how you feel, and hope we can help here . . .
The thing to keep in mind is that, there are no guarantees as to how long any of us will be on this earth, right? Or, how we will say our goodbyes. One thing is for certain; none of us are here forever. We wrote a post a while back that addresses this, called “Buying Time on an Emotional Budget.”
I say listen to Lao Tzu. Understand the truth. Become tolerant. Welcome reality.
If you don't realize the source,
you stumble in confusion and sorrow.
When you realize where you come from,
you naturally become tolerant, disinterested,
amused, kindhearted as a grandmother,
dignified as a king.
Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you can deal
with whatever life brings you, and when death comes
you are ready.
– Lao Tzu
What you are experiencing is called “Anticipatory Grief.” Essentially, you are mourning Jack right now. That's OK, but there are things you can do to lessen the pain and get back to loving life together. We highly recommend reading our friend Doug's website, “Overcoming Fear and Guilt When Canine Kids Get Sick.”
Doug's story changed our perspective a LOT. It will make you cry rivers of tears, but it will help you cope with life as you know it now, and better prepare you for the inevitable future. Let us know what you think OK?
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Oh gosh, thank you so much for these links, especially the "Overcoming Fear and Guild When Canine Kids Get Sick." I'm sure I will read each section daily 🙂 We took Doug's advice and will start having "conversations" with Jackers. Today we sat him down and informed him that he had cancer. We told him that although we got the main source removed, there may be a chance that more cells will grow in his lungs. We told him that we will do whatever we can to make sure he is happy, but if he gets to where he hurts to much, please let us know and we will help him with that, too. We told him we had a great day with him and we love him. Very therapeutic! I think that if we make this a daily activity of talking about what we enjoyed that day and asking him how he is feeling, over time our fear won't be so bad. I was prepared to sob due to your above post, but I did OK until I reached the following in the "hope" section:
"Miracles happen! What if the miracle isn't that I get better, but you do? I hope you see this possibility."
There are no words. What a way to think about this horrible situation! It totally turned my mind around and my heart feels a little happier 🙂
dillon81 said:
… I am painfully aware that one day the x-ray will come back with the dreaded “suspicious spots”.
The only painful truth is that they are likely already there, in microscopic form. It is awareness in fact, that is the best way to prepare that ultimate inevitable. But why wait and grieve prematurely when you have so much time left with your pup.
Jack does not fear the future. He only wants to live happy in the now. Follow his lead, enjoy every moment together, and don't forget what Steve Jobs had to say about cancer…
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking
you have something to lose.” – Steve Jobs
Great question by the way, I started a very similar discussion months before Jerry left us: Question yourself to prepare for loss.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
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