These were the last pictures taken of my boy.(sorry they were selfies) Even in the grip of this overwhelming grief, I can kind of see that the light had gone out of his eyes. Doesn't make it any easier, but maybe, I did make the right call. You can see his yellow bandana. I was so excited to wear it on him and se him hip hopping into the vets for his checkup. This weekend may be tough, as my 4 year old Granddaughter will be here for the first time since losing TY. They were incredibly close. She said her heart was sad the other night. Oh baby, I am with you, my heart is sad also. Still searching for the bath picture. Maybe that will be my sign from TY that he is happy and OK. Right now I am so scared, as I cannot feel him near me. It just feels as if he is just gone. I keep waiting for a dream so I can feel him with me again. I feel so lost.

I thought of you today, I thought of you today as I was driving. you used to look so cute sitting in the seat like a person. I thought of you today as I made 2 trips to barn to get your brother( he never goes down there) you, however loved to. I thought of you today as I worked outside, you loved the outside. I thought of you today as I filled a hole that you had dug last fall in my flowerbed. I almost left it there. I thought of you when I cleaned leaves from behind the rock I placed in the flower bed to keep you from tunneling under the porch.I even thought of you as I was cleaning the land mines out of the back yard. I thought of you a lot today! miss you so much TY GUY Evenings are the worst. well and the first wakeup in the AM when I realize you are gone. I think in the evening, I am too tired to fight my emotions. What I wouldn't give for a hole in my flower bed. I wish I had not been so worried about it. I wish I could hug your neck one more time.

Unfortunately a tree won't grow where he dug. He always dug right up next to the house or porch.when I was out working yesterday, I did however clear out a pretty spot under a tree that I am going to fix up as a tribute of sorts for him. Even though I did not bring his body home to bury, he can still have an outdoor spot. I am still 2 nd guessing that decision. I am to get his ashes Tuesday. I want him back home and at the sane time, I am dreading the emotions. Still want to turn the clock back and do everything differently. I will take a picture of his spot when I get it finished.

No Alison, you are not batty. I think whatever it takes to help with the overwhelming hurt is OK. Ty did not play with toys, so I don't have those to hold on to. This is so much harder than I expected. I thought I had prepared myself. Hah!! Nowhere near. As I was throwing the ham bone away ( don't feel up to making soup:( I was remembering Thanksgiving. I told my husband to put the turkey carcass in the dumpster so the dogs would not get into it. He took it real far up into the woods instead. The next day, I see Ty at the front door. When I open it to let him in, guess what he has in his mouth. Tail wagging and so proud. I of course am panicked because dogs are not to have poultry bones. That is how fast he went downhill. Got me 2 nd guessing even the amp decision. Maybe I should have just increased pain meds. I feel like the self blame will not stop. I am tortured by all of the bad things that happened to my poor, precious pup in less than 3 months. I can't even look at the pictures I took when he had the big MRSA growth on his neck. I was taking a lot of pics because I felt that our time. Was growing short. Still cannot feel him. Still trying to process my decision to put him to sleep. Can't seem to wrap my head around it, that it was the best thing. Feel guilty for everything. Claudia, I did split his ashes. I had a smaller box made for my daughter. She loved Ty so much and I cannot deny her the comfort that may bring to her. Ty was such a sweet giving soul that I am sure he would agree with the decision. The panic over splitting him was just some emotional overload I guess. I have even been 2nd guessing my decision on his remains. Maybe burying him was the better thing. Although I am sure I would have 2nd guessed that too. My poor husband, I know he is getting tired of me bawling. I really am trying, I just keep getting these waves that come over me, like someone has punched me in the stomach.

Thank you all for your kind words. I still cannot stop crying. Just miss my pup so much. I was watching Libby's video today and it made me realize just how much my poor boy just never bounced back from his surgery. He could not run or jump heck he couldn't even enjoy a stupid kong. I just feel so stinking sorry for him and what he had to go through. He tried so hard. I hope he knows that I was never disappointed in him. I know how hard he tried to get better.