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Grief with all the losses
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Member Since:
16 October 2012
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17 April 2014 - 2:57 pm
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I know this is a difficult month for us here at Tripawds.  It once again reminds me of Awful August 2013.  I am coming up on the 8th month Angelversary of Sassy.  I know with losing Libby, Hannah, Ty and a few others (please don't feel bad if I can't remember right now their names).  I know I am having a hard time so I know that there are others out there.  I just thought I would start this topic so we could all share memories, thoughts, anger etc here. 

I know me personally every time I read one of these topics I hurt right along with you.  I can totally relate to what each one is feeling. The anger, the total just want to hide in a rabbit hole type of feelings, the crying (heck I am crying right now).  Cancer effing sucks and that is just the tip of the iceberg of what I am feeling.  Its totally not fair that any of us have to go through this or our babies.  But there is a plus side of cancer (if you want to call it that not that I think cancer has any plus sides) its this community.  I know without all of you I wouldn't have known where to start with Sassy, what to expect or have the support through our whole journey. 

I will say the toughest part of this whole thing is that last part of the journey that we have to do on our own.  The decision of when to say until we meet again to our babies. (never a good bye that is final).  Our grief we feel is our own.  Yes in a way it is.  But we have each other to help guide us along the way.  So share the memories, the pictures, the videos, the great stories, the not so great stories and lean on each other. 

sorry to ramble & cry.  I guess what I wanted to say it doesn't matter how long your baby is gone but share them with us.  I love sharing stories about Sassy & her pictures.  It helps.   Keep blogging too 🙂  I kept Sassy's and still share about her, Bosch, Snickers & Jazz.

Hugs & love

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Michelle & my Angel Sassy Sugar Bear  

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Sassy is a proud member of the Winter Warriors. Live long, & strong Winter Warriors.
sassysugarbear.tripawds.com
07/26/2006 - Sassy earned her wings 08/20/2013

05/04/2006 -  Bosch, Sassy's pal, earned his wings 03/29/19  fought cancer for 4 months.

"You aren't doing it TO her, you are doing it FOR her. Give her a chance at life."

Member Since:
14 June 2012
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17 April 2014 - 3:42 pm
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Michelle,

Thank you for starting this and sharing your thoughts.

I also feel such overwhelming grief everyone time another one of our beloved babies has to go. I think people find it strange that I still come onto Tripawds even though Willow is gone. I come here because it makes me feel closer to Willow. I come here because I want to cheer everyone on and because I hope that everyone else's Tripawd will be the one to beat all the odds. I come here because everyone is here because they love their babies so much and understand how much I love and miss mine. I come here because I want to try to return the love and support that I've gotten from this community.

The support here is amazing all through the journey and after. Thank you to all of you who have shared your stories, your happy times, your milestones, and yes, even your sadness. It is a difficult journey, but made easier by strangers who in a way become friends and family.

With love,
Carol

Fort Wayne, IN
Member Since:
25 January 2013
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17 April 2014 - 3:50 pm
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Michelle, thank you for starting this thread.  I agree with everything you said.  Every time I read about someone grieving I can so completely relate, I just don't have the words to say how much I know what they are going through.

I always believed if anybody could kick cancer's butt it would be Libby.  She was just stubborn and sassy enough to thumb her nose at it.  That final decision is the worse part, as you said.  We aren't suppose to have to make those kinds of decisions.  The afterwards the second guessing, the panic feeling that Lori mentioned and the pure, gut wrenching sadness is almost unbearable. 

Don't apologize, please!  You didn't ramble.  Sometimes others say it better than I can and I just chime in and say "ditto"!  That's what you have done.  We are all kindred spirits here and are in each others lives for a reason, even if we don't like the "reason".  It's the only good that has come out of any of this.

Libby's birthday is approaching and I'm hoping I can put together a tribute to her by then.  I cry just looking through her pictures.  Sometimes I think the grief will never end.

Here she is in her younger days....my beautiful girl...

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Liberty (Libby) was diagnosed with OSA on 1-22-13.  Right front amputation on 1-31-13. No IV Chemo. Metronomic Therapy started 2-19-13 along with supplements and some home cooking. Lungs clear until 1-06-14.  She's still her happy, hoppy, bossy self.  Living the dog life to the fullest and a proud Winter Warrior. :) RIP my Libby 4-21-03 to 3-19-14

Virginia
Member Since:
26 January 2014
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17 April 2014 - 4:47 pm
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I thank you too and agree with everything said. Every time I read about another pup passing away, I not only grieve for them but I grieve for my Jake. I too thought my Jake would beat cancer. He did beat the first one but we didn't stand a chance against the second. My Jake was dying, he couldn't even pick his head up, yet I panicked so bad when the vet arrived at my house. I just kept thinking, what have I done? Brings tears to my eyes now just thinking about it. I would have done anything for him and the only thing I could do in that moment was to help him get his wings. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, and I didn't want to let go. My heart broke into a million pieces, so much that I was mad at myself for doing it, even though my head knew it was the only possible decision. Its been 3 months since Jake got his wings, and I didn't start his blog until after he passed (I lurked here for many months and only posted when I was frantic towards the end). I use the blog as a "family" blog. I post about Jake, Tanner and I put a post up earlier about our cats. I didn't want to start a new blog, I just wanted it to be all in one I guess. Jakes story didn't end, it continues in all of us. 

Here's my handsome blue-eyed Jake. He sure knew how to melt my heart! 

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Mom to Tripawd Angels Jake (2001-2014) and Rosco (2012-2015) and Tripawd Tanner. “Whatever happens tomorrow, we had today; and I'll always remember it”  

      

Los Angeles, CA
Member Since:
13 June 2013
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17 April 2014 - 4:50 pm
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I agree ... it's horribly sad and painful and NO one in my local world seems to understand how I can hurt SO much for people I have never met but we have shared so many stories together it has created a common bond and it's cathartic. 

And that is why I upgraded her blog - to keep her and her spirit alive. It's a journal of sorts for me. It's my therapy. It helps. And it helps so much that you all love her as much as I do. She would have loved ALL of you. Seriously. Shelby loved everyone. Unlike any other dog I have ever known. 

It feels like losses come in waves ... and I don't see many "newbies" starting their journey. I do find that when I can post here about Shelby, it helps keep her real. 

As everyone knows, I am single; Shelby was my entire world. I do NOT know who I am without her and without being her mom. I am 100% lost and going through the motions. It's harder for me to get out the door in the a.m. anymore because I don't have to walk anyone. It's harder for me to eat since I don't have to cook for anyone. And so on and so on.... And it's harder for me to think about ever bringing another dog into my home (even if Shelby would want me to). I just want to sleep until this whole nightmare and sadness stops.... 

I was looking through Shelby photos the other day on my phone and I almost lost it. I miss her so much. I miss kissing those loveable ears... so soft. I miss feeling her breath next to me. I worry that I will never feel whole again. But I come here for support and to give support where I can. I learned a lot about being strong from Shelby ... she really did show me the way with this f'ing cancer ... and I will forever be indebted to my beautiful baby. This is how I remember her! 10264908_10152994023679057_3071017715773170382_n.jpgImage Enlarger

Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.

October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014

Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife

Ohio
Member Since:
21 February 2014
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17 April 2014 - 4:57 pm
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Thanks for posting this Michelle..

 

We all feel the grief when another tripawd crosses the rainbow bridge. It breaks my heart that these wonderful, inspirational fur babies have lost their fight with this terrible, unfair, down right unbearable disease. Although we cannot relate.. we hurt too.. and are bitterly reminded of what happens at the end of this journey. It's so hard to live in the moment when my heart is grieving for so many sweet souls..

 

 

We are praying for everyone. 

 

Cody and Family 

Cody is our 7 year old Australian Heeler mix boy. Diagnosed on 2/20/14 and became a tripawd 2/21/14! We chose a homeopathic approach and he is being treated by Dr. Loops our of NC.

Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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17 April 2014 - 5:22 pm
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DITTO MICHELLE...You always know the right comversation to start Michelle and yo always open thing up for discussuon from such a LOVMG place. Andin turn, you've allowed us yet another avenue to share our grief...to not feel so aloe...even though man of us truly are...EXCEPT for the ost caring souls inthe Uiverse who all gather here because of our "Zen Masters" called DOGS and CATS. When tney do cross-over, they leave us with each other. And I can't thiink of any better "each others" I'd rather be sharing this journey with.

DITTO CAROL

DITTO ALISON

DITTO ELIABETH

DITTO AMY

Elizabeth, my sweet Virginia breath of fresh air. We ALL second guess...no matter how PERFECT, PEACEFUL or whstever.... One thing you can remind yourself...ourselves...what if we HADN'T tried "X" and it could have worked?!.. It's just what humans do. But as we become more enlightened because ofour jour ey with our dogs and cats...we learn to do a better job of letti g those thoughts flow through us...they're go na' come...just exhale them out and release them further and furtherout i to the Niverse! Next time you hear lightening...that's the Universe blowing one of those USELESS thoughts that the piece of crap is still trying invade us, because it could zNOT TOUCH Libby's soul, Sassy's soul , Jake's soul, Shelby's soul, Willow's soul or Happy Hannah's soul.....blowing those thoughts up i t nothingness forever!!! And then the thu der you hear? That's all the dogs and cats st Rainbow Bridge applauding.....right before they eat the ice cream!!! Happy Hannah stashed some in her suitcase!

Each of you have such wisdom to share...each of you have been before me...and I co ti ue to larn sooo much and not feel so alone....and sooo scared. Unctrollable, non-stop grief scares you. and I kow for now, as impossible as it seems, each da and night only gets worse.....but together we will all pull through and together we will help others pull tnrough whe their time comes.

As only Shari (Dakota Dawg) can...she wrote me a lovely note that ended with....."we all know this..no one gets out of here alive!" Jist soooopo Shari!! We except that we humans don't get out of here alive...but that applies to all beings...it's just harder to accept for our dogs and kitties!

OMD! These pictures light up my soul!!! Gotta go fnd a good ne lf "fluffy girl"!

Love you Alison, Michelle, Carol, Elizabeth and Amy!!

Sall and Happy Hannah

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Orrtanna Pa.
Member Since:
25 January 2014
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17 April 2014 - 7:18 pm
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Sorry I am not good with technology. I had trouble sizing this, but had to share. My boy as a little TY GUY. Today was pretty brutal. Came inn waves, the sadness did. Thank you for this thread. Just what I needed. I have found some old pics. they actually help me feel closer to him. Found a penny today, just one, but a penny nonetheless. I am wearing my "Angeldog" pendant next to my heart right now. just spoke with the guy who did the cremation. He said he took 2 pieces of TY's fur to put into a card for both myself and my daughter. Just about undid me, but at the same time, I know he really had MY dog. Having a bit of trouble with the whole cremation thing. At the same time, I know I will be moving somewhere else as I get older (can't keep up the farm stuff forever) and he will come with me. He asked if I wanted to be able to open the box. WHAT! I cannot imagine I would want to do that. So it will be sealed. Not that I think it bad if others do that, I just do not think I would want to.  We also did 2 boxes. my daughter wanted one too and she lives 2 hours away. Guess that is ok. Somehow, I do not think he would mind. After all it is just a shell. He is in Heaven. He is pain free, cancer free, healthy. I am still scared that I did the wrong thing, what if????? It is just so finalcryingSo sad.

TY GUY, Best Black Lab ever! Diagnosed  and had amp in January, 2014. Kicked MRSA's butt. Earned his angel wings on April 16, 2014. Run Free my boy and don't forget a shoe. Ty is a proud member of the " April Angels". Ty sent us Daryl, a Tripawd rescue in Sept. of 2016. Daryl is 5 +or -. We are also Pawrents to Chandler, a Border Collie mix who is 15 and 1/2, Lucy, a Corgi who is 7, 2 minis, 2 horses, and a feisty cat named Zoe. Zoe had a non skeletal Osteosarcoma removed in July 2015. No Chemo, she was at least 16. She is going strong although she is now completely blind. She is now close to 20 and her hobbies are eating and sleeping in front of her personal heater. 

Fort Wayne, IN
Member Since:
25 January 2013
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17 April 2014 - 7:36 pm
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Love you too, Sally!  Oh Lori, I know all about the second guessing but deep down you know you did right by Ty.Nobody wants to make that decision and when we do it just doesn't feel right.

What a sweet picture.  He looks a lot like Libby did at that age.  We felt some comfort when Libby's ashes were returned to us.  She was back under our roof.  

Hang in there.  We will all get through this together.

Hugs,

Amy & Spirit Libby

Liberty (Libby) was diagnosed with OSA on 1-22-13.  Right front amputation on 1-31-13. No IV Chemo. Metronomic Therapy started 2-19-13 along with supplements and some home cooking. Lungs clear until 1-06-14.  She's still her happy, hoppy, bossy self.  Living the dog life to the fullest and a proud Winter Warrior. :) RIP my Libby 4-21-03 to 3-19-14

On The Road


Member Since:
24 September 2009
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17 April 2014 - 7:41 pm
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I'm just so speechless and in such a good way. Michelle, thank you, I couldn't have said it better, nobody but you could have.

It's an honor to be a part of so many pack's lives, to be there during the good and the sad and the remembrance, all of it. There is a lot of sadness, and it comes in waves, and it makes you crazy at times, like you just want to throw your fists and scream and yell and give up, but in the middle of all of it we'll have an ampuversary or a remarkable recovery story or some other tale to remind us that life is still good, that we are here and we owe it to the amazing Tripawd heroes in heaven an don earth to live it to the fullest. If we don't then all their lessons are for nothing. And that's no good right?!

This is one beautiful community of people, I can't even describe how amazing it is.

Thank you everyone, thank you for allowing us to be a part of your journey.

Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet





Member Since:
16 October 2012
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17 April 2014 - 7:42 pm
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Amy is right we all go through 2nd guesses.  I even did 2 or 3 months after Sassy was gone.  I had an opportunity to have the fluid drained off of her chest & lungs.  My vet gave me that option but did advise it would come back and we didn't know how long it would take it could be a couple of days or even weeks.  She also told me in that regard putting her through a surgery she could not make it because of anesthesia.  Someone on here did have fluid drained it made me rethink my decision. 

In the long wrong I know I did the right thing by letting Sassy go that day.  She would have kept fighting for me.  She still had her smile & her sparkle & danced even on 3 legs.  But she was struggling.  I knew I couldn't put her through that.  So yes 2nd guessing even after its been awhile is normal.

 

Thank you all for sharing and I am loving the pictures of each one of our babies

 

hugs

Michelle & Angel Sassy

 

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Sassy is a proud member of the Winter Warriors. Live long, & strong Winter Warriors.
sassysugarbear.tripawds.com
07/26/2006 - Sassy earned her wings 08/20/2013

05/04/2006 -  Bosch, Sassy's pal, earned his wings 03/29/19  fought cancer for 4 months.

"You aren't doing it TO her, you are doing it FOR her. Give her a chance at life."

New Jersey
Member Since:
27 December 2011
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17 April 2014 - 8:22 pm
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You are all so amazing... I don't even know what to add-you all said everything so perfectly. I've lost other furbabies and the grief and missing and emptiness is so hard. This community is so, so special-what would we ever do without each other? I love the pictures and videos of the most special furbabies on this earth- it makes us feel so much closer to them and each other. It's so hard losing all these sweet spirits and I cry with all of you-it's heartbreaking. I love that Tripawds has made so many memories for everyone-please keep posting, sharing, blogging, and being there. So glad that Michelle shared and started this-it's something that we, as dog lovers, all deal with-it's easier to talk about it here. Unfortunately, in our everyday world, we are "expected" to get over it in a reasonable (fairly short) time. That's just not how it works-and we all know that.

Thanks again for all being there,

Joan and Lily

Our beautiful Lily was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in her front leg on 12/14/11 at age 8 and had amp on 12/16/11. She completed 5 rounds of carbo. She was so brave and kicked cancer's butt daily! She lived life fully for 4 years, 3 months, and 15 days after her amp. My angel is a warrior princess. I miss her so much.

Montana
Member Since:
1 February 2013
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17 April 2014 - 10:38 pm
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Michelle - Sally is our cheerleader, but you are the troop leader. It seems like so many of us from 2013 have stayed on even after our dog-kid has crossed the bridge. Without the bond that we all develop with everyone here, the journey we all took would have been so much more difficult. No one else understands what we face each day and why we do all we can for our dogs. I hear it so often - "it's only a dog" or "it's only a horse", but everyone here gets it - they are more than that. 

Like Carol, I stay here to offer what support I can to those that have come after me. Sometimes I am just a lurker, but try to be there if I can be of any help. I know how much it meant to me when someone offered a kind word or a piece of advice. If I help one person that is good enough. I keep hoping I will find another little tripawd that needs a home (little is the key word big-blink) and then I can be a real tripawd Mom again.

So we go on and celebrate the good times and cry with each other during the bad times and in the end have developed friendships that have made a difference in our lives.

Blessings-

Luanne & Spirit Shooter

Spirit Shooter was a Miniature Australian Shepherd who was diagnosed with a MCT and had a LF amp 1/28/13 at 13-1/2 years old. 

Shooter crossed the Bridge on 8/28/13, his 7 month ampuversary and two weeks from his 14th birthday.

http://shooter......ipawds.com

In your heart, where I belong.
Member Since:
9 February 2011
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17 April 2014 - 11:37 pm
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Oh I had almost forgotten Awful August! That was a bad one. But here's the thing--I LOVE summer! Such conflict. Maybe it's possible to find good and sweetness in the middle of a bowl of turds. Maybe? I think so. Not that I want to voluntarily reach in there to dig around and find out, but what if a bowl of turds is all you've got?

Anyway, that probably didn't make much sense, but I know what I mean. I refuse to let anything win but me. Cancer doesn't win, car accidents don't win, old age doesn't even win. If we all go out on our own terms, then we win. And even if we don't go out with grace and dignity, we still get to say who wins. I am in charge. 

So suck it, Awful August (and Ugly April or whatever it is). 

-Shari

From abandoned puppy to Tripawd Warrior Dude, Dakota became one of the 2011 February Furballs due to STS. Our incredibly sweet friend lived with grace and dignity till he impulsively raced over the Bridge on 12-15-12.

Dakota's thoughtful and erudite blog is at http://shari.tr.....pawds.com/

Member Since:
15 December 2012
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17 April 2014 - 11:51 pm
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Ditto Luanne

Penny, Hank, Blink and Maggie Over Yonder

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