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A grieving mama looking for answers
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Member Since:
4 April 2019
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2 February 2023 - 3:53 am
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I just wanted to add I am happy I still cry over Brownie. I am happy I think of him everyday because that means he is still in my heart and always will be. Just like Louie will always be in yours❤️

My Beautiful Beloved Brownie was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma on February 26, 2019.  With all odds against him he lived an additional one year and eight days with amputation, love, and prayer.  I was honored to be his mom, and I have never been so proud!  He will live forever in my Heart!

Brownie Bubba Bell

04/01/2007 - 03/05/2020

"March Saint"

The Rainbow Bridge



Member Since:
25 April 2007
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2 February 2023 - 10:41 am
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bridgeeey said
Thank you Brownie’s mama.

I think what you said touched upon one of my biggest fears. You said that you never hit that point where things got “better.” Instead, life just looks different. I am terrified of this. I am terrified that Louie being gone took away a huge part of my joy that I’ll just never get back, because the only way for it to be back is for him to be here with me. Louie, and my other baby Jack, are the lights of my life, and I have a strong suspicion that I never felt true peace before we found each other. I can’t remember what life was like before fur babies, but I know it wasn’t filled with this much love. Both of my babies changed my heart for the better, but the flip side of that is dealing with this intense pain that comes with loss. I know Louie wouldn’t want me to be sad indefinitely, but I can’t see having consistent joy in my life without him. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here.

  

One day at a time. It's all you can do. And in your own time you will see that the joy Louie shared with you is present in all of your surroundings, in all of the memories, and those special places you went together. True love never dies, it just changes form moving through us and around as time goes on. 

I know that when we have been without a dog, our life (@admin and I) wasn't filled with the kind of love and smiles that a dog selflessly shares with us. They are the greatest gifts to us.

Member Since:
25 September 2022
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5 February 2023 - 9:59 pm
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Hi everyone. I just really want to express my gratitude for the kindness you have shown to me. To take the time and read a complete stranger’s words and offer thoughtful, empathetic responses…this is why I love not just dogs, but dog people :).

I took a little break from posting because every time I would log in to Tripawds, I would go down a rabbit hole reading other people’s stories, and I found myself not just grieving Louie, but also having a really hard time thinking back on his entire cancer journey. This was a very traumatic year for so many reasons, and it’s hard to even comprehend what our family has been through.

I’m posting again because I just really need help. Yesterday was the two-week mark of saying goodbye to our Earth Angel, and the pain is unbearable at times. Like the worst dream that I cannot wake up from. I really am trying to take this journey one day at a time, but I also want to know what is on the other side of this. I talk to Louie everyday, and I ask him to protect me and watch over me, because he is the only one who can ease my pain right now. I feel like I could maybe benefit from a support group, talking face to face with others who are experiencing this loss. Did anyone else do this? Do you have any resources you can recommend? Thank you.

Member Since:
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6 February 2023 - 4:39 am
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Hi, if you want to message me your address I will be happy to send you a book that really helped me. I also fell into a black whole but one day out of nowhere the sun began to shine❤️

My Beautiful Beloved Brownie was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma on February 26, 2019.  With all odds against him he lived an additional one year and eight days with amputation, love, and prayer.  I was honored to be his mom, and I have never been so proud!  He will live forever in my Heart!

Brownie Bubba Bell

04/01/2007 - 03/05/2020

"March Saint"

The Rainbow Bridge



Member Since:
25 April 2007
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6 February 2023 - 9:24 am
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Hey there, I'm so glad you reached out. Two weeks out is not a long time for a broken heart to start feeling whole again. Allow yourself the grace of more time, it's OK to feel the way you do.

I know that for many it's hard to return here so it speaks volumes about how much you want your heart to heal. Yes, a pet loss support group can be so helpful! You can do them virtually or in person, which is so amazing.

Lap of Love is an incredible organization with its own grief support services.

The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement has a page with support services too.

Next week I'm posting a tripawd talk episode with a grief counselor so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, here are some suggestions she passed along to us during our interview:

If you want solo grief counseling, a good place to start would be Psychology Today; you can search by location, insurance options, therapeutic approach, areas of expertise, etc. 

If you do choose a one-on-one grief counselor, make sure they have a masters degree or doctorate. I didn't know this until I spoke with this counselor, but apparently anyone can get a "pet loss counselor" certificate without any clinical background or training in psychology.

I hope this helps. Let us know what you decide to do if you're feeling up to it.

Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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6 February 2023 - 1:20 pm
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We understand everything  you have written and everything  you are feeling.  It is a nightmare and the pain is seemingly  unbearable.  Right now you cant even phantom there is  the "other side" to this.  And even if someone  told you there is "another side", you probably  won't  be able to believe it right now until you "feel" that moment yourself.  Perhaps it will be  moment where a memory  of Louie comes through and you find yourself smiling for the first time.  Yeah, that will be Louie reminding you he is still watching over you.  He gave you endless Happy memories that he can't wait to share with you  when you are more open.  Right now he knows your sadness is too heavy, but he will touch your heart with a smile when yoj least expect it.

We know it is hard to come back to the site.  Some do, some dont.  Probably "most" dont.  For now at least. We do hope you can stay connected  to a degree with the hope that our support, love and  understanding will help comfort you.

Surrounding  you with peace

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too 

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Member Since:
26 January 2017
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7 February 2023 - 12:51 pm
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So sorry for your loss of Louie. You've been given a lot of great advice. One thing I'll add about the second-guessing, it's human nature to do that. We've all done it. So you're definitely not alone there. 

I'm not around here as much as I used to be, but when I lost Rocky I did the chat rooms at the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement that Jerry linked in his post. You have to register, but it's free and they had chats most nights for a couple of hours. I also found a grief counselor where I live and met with her for awhile as well. 

I don't know that time heals all wounds, but it does dull the pain. Take your time to grieve. It will get better. 

David and Rocky (and Baxter now too!)

Rocky had his right front leg amputated on Valentine's Day 2017 after being diagnosed with osteosarcoma.

He joined the September Saints on September 3, 2017.

He is the toughest, bravest, sweetest and best friend I'll ever know. 

Member Since:
25 September 2022
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14 March 2023 - 12:06 am
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Hi everyone. I’m returning to this thread because I’m still struggling and am looking for ways to cope. It has been 7 weeks and 2 days since Louie became my "guardian Angel." I use that term even though I don’t actually believe it in the traditional sense - I more so feel that the imprint he left behind is what guides me.

As an update since my last post: I’m not feeling the daily despair that I experienced for the first several weeks. I function fine at work and have my sense of humor back in certain contexts. However, underneath the daily functioning, I am shattered and empty. I dread nighttime because it is by far the saddest part of my day (and it used to be the absolute best part of my day, because it meant downtime with my Louie). I think I've only gone 1 or 2 days without crying in this almost two month period. The longer crying spells have lessened, and they probably happen about once a week now.

What I am still struggling with is accepting that life will never be the same from here on out. Louie would want me to be happy, and to not spend every single night crying over him, but as much as I repeatedly tell myself that, it doesn't seem to help me. I've been in therapy, but I don't feel it's benefiting me. I write letters to Louie and talk to him, and now I've found my way back to this forum. I'd like to try a support group next, so it's just a matter of finding one. I'm kine of just talking into the universe at this point. I guess I just needed to get my feelings out. Thank you for listening.

The Rainbow Bridge



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14 March 2023 - 12:18 pm
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I'm so glad you posted, and shared how things are going. You have been, and continue to be, so brave and courageous in seeking help and pouring out your feelings. Not everyone is up to that task, so give yourself credit for taking those tough steps. You deserve it. 

It does sound like you are making the kind of progress that is to be expected at this point. One day is great, the next day maybe not so much. You've learned to cope on a daily basis, but then the nighttime hits you and you feel the grief harder than ever. I totally get it, and I think lots of people here do too. 

Something that stands out to me:

What I am still struggling with is accepting that life will never be the same from here on out. 

Yes, you are right, it won't be. If you are able, take a step back, to look at the bigger picture. From day to day, moment to moment, nothing in the universe is ever the same as it was even seconds before. That is the nature of being alive, the nature of energy, which is what we, and Louis are. Energy is always shifting and changing, and never static. Even when Louie had a physical form, he was still changing every day. 

Sure, we have our routines, and we like to imagine that life is the same from day to day. But when you look at life with a microscope, is it really? Of course not. That isn't to say that it's bad for nothing to stay the same, nor is it good. It just is.

One thing I would recommend, is to check out a mindfulness practice. I find that the Headspace app is very helpful in seeing the big picture like this, and it helped me through the death of my dad, and Wyatt Ray . They have meditation courses for grieving, and many emotional states. I can get you a coupon code if you'd like, since I've been a subscriber for several years. For me, a mindfulness practice has been life changing. You might want to check it out as another form of therapy.

I hope this helps. Remember you are not alone, we are here for you. And so is Louie, in his shiny new forever form sp_hearticon2

The Rainbow Bridge



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25 April 2007
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14 March 2023 - 12:19 pm
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Oh one more thing: read through Nitro's blog. Paula was very honest in how she felt as she wrestled with her grief, and I think you'll find many similarities. Feel free to reach her on the Tripawds Helpline on Thursday mornings.

Virginia







Member Since:
22 February 2013
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14 March 2023 - 3:16 pm
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We get it.  We get it.  We get it.  We understand  every si goe word you jave written and every feeling you jave expressed.  Does that "help" you?  No.  What it does do though, is let you  know you are. not alone in those feelings, those thoughts, those emotions.

Jerry has written such words of wisdom and with so much heart and understanding. I know you will find comfort from that.  AND you will find, as you already have, the tiniest  bits of "healing", even if only for a day or hours.  It is not anything  you can put a timeframe on to speed up the process.  It will happen, and is happening,  at your own pace.  The times "it" doesn't  happen is what is consuming  you and u understandably  so.  

Do acknowledge the "progress" you have made in reclaiming some of whom you are.  And yes, you will never be the "same", but you will add on to the foundation  of all the "wonderfulness" Louie brought kntomuour life, into your Soul, into your ever expanding experiences of life lessons.

You've posted that Louie taught you what the  experience  of real joy feels like.  He and Jack have taught you what peace feels like.  That is exactly one  of the reasons, many reasons, they came into your life.  They wanted you to feel the same joy, same peace, same depth of love that they felt with you.  And NOTHING,  N.O.T.H.I.N.G  can ever undo those feelings that have now become part of who you are.  

As hard as it is, you must eliminate the "mantra" in your head that "Louie is the only one who can ease uoir pain."  Everytime that mantra takes hold and gets a tight unrelenting  grip on your thoughts, it puts up an immediate  roadblock  to why Louie came into your life. Once you catch yourself with that mantra that is so disempowering  to you, try one that Louie would want repeated  in your thoughts.  Step into  to Louie's eternal light that surrounds you and let Louie's mantra come through to you  What would that be??   What would it sound like???    What would he be saying to you in a way that empowers you??  What would he want you to say in a way that honors him and let's you feel his love??

If you don't  mind, I hope you will share the mantra that Louie would want to become part of your healing" process......one that reflects the gifts he has given you and that you mever knew existed  until he came into your life.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts so honestly.  We know it's hard but so appreciative  of your willingness  to let toich base.

We are sending you love and always surrounding  you with Louie's light.

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

The Rainbow Bridge



Member Since:
25 April 2007
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14 March 2023 - 4:18 pm
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Beauuuuutiful input Sally, thank you. I love the vision of stepping into Louie's light and imagining what his mantra would sound like, how it would feel. Well said my furiend.

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14 March 2023 - 10:54 pm
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Thank you Jerry and Sally.

First regarding Jerry’s suggestion to read Nitro’s blog: I read a lot of it, and you’re right. I do relate to much of what Nitro’s mama said. It’s a bit terrifying to think of being in a state of pain for so many years. I’m so glad she found her way to Tripawds to get her through her darkest days. Maybe this community will have the same impact on me.

Now turning to Sally’s suggestion of writing a new Louie mantra: That’s a tough one! Every part of this grief journey has been the most brutal reminder of how hard it is to be human. I know I only miss Louie in the way I do because of how much I love him, but this part of it is really miserable. I think I need to brainstorm a bit to come up with a mantra that sticks. He is the most pure, magical soul I have ever known, so I need to choose wisely. Thank you for giving me something to think about Sally. I’ll report back!

-Bridge

Virginia







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15 March 2023 - 4:12 pm
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As painful as this part of the journey is, how lucky you were to  able to experience the magic Louie shared with you♥️  

 

    He is the most pure, magical soul I have ever known 

Louie is so  pleased you have grasped and embraced  the  realization of his beauiful  gifts he  came into your life to give you.  In that "attitude of gratitude" gently whisper "thank you Louie, thank you."  He will be listening.

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

The Rainbow Bridge



Member Since:
25 April 2007
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15 March 2023 - 7:18 pm
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I can't wait to find out what your mantra is if you'd like to share with us when you are ready. Take your time. We aren't going anywhere.

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