Elizabeth - Thank you for telling your story about Tanner. I cannot tell you how much it helped my perspective. While Shelby was never perfect from the get-go like your Jake, she definitely felt more comfortable with me in our home than this little one. It is helpful to know there was some apprehension on your part w/Tanner and your kitty! And you are so astute - indeed I have been hurt badly in my past, not only the loss of Shelby but the loss of my father and then many boyfriends that have wounded me. And with EACH loss, it takes longer to let love in. For example, my ex in NOLA (the reason I got Shelby), I waited over a year to date again. Then that didn't work out (for a variety of reasons but I was letting people in). Fast forward to LA where I met what I thought was "the one" - after a year, he broke my heart in ways I didn't think possible. I was downright dark and scary. It was 2+ years before I opened my heart again. Then my recent break-up - my heart is just now open to the idea of letting someone in ... that was 3 years ago. And I think in part it was because my focus was re-directed when Shelby got sick and my priorities shifted. But I tell these tales because it all shows how hard it is for me to let anyone, human or pet, into my heart and that has really become apparent with Jasper here. 

Christine - I wanted so much to love her instantly. I wanted to be a "dog" person because I was with Shelby. It never occurred to me that it wouldn't have been a good fit since she was everything I had said I had wanted. I even found myself yesterday looking on Petfinder (buyer's remorse maybe?). I know she will continue to come out of her shell and I have to keep reminding myself her life was probably scattered before she got here. She has no clue if she is here for forever and I guess even if dogs don't live in the moment, she still doesn't feel settled. I want her to feel safe and yeah, I like her a bit more today. I think I am coming to terms with the fact that I can like her (a lot) and she can be a good companion that will make me smile but I don't have to feel 'connected' to her like Shelby. 

Lisa - It does help to hear that others have been there. These stories have been invaluable to me. I felt like a horrible person and that I was alone in being scared, unsure and wanting to take her back but desperate to 'save face'. I know if she stays here, she will have a great life; she will never be abused. She will never be hit. She will be snuggled, kissed, cuddled and fed. She will have adventures and lots of toys. And maybe that is enough for her. It's only been 3 1/2 days. We have the weekend to get to know each other. Hoping that helps. It seems like I 'resent' having her here more in the a.m. - like I wake up with that sense of dread like I did the first few days / weeks after Shelby passed. Mornings are a sad time for me. 

Sally - HUGS!!!! Always! 

Thank you everyone ... she is 100% healthy (per the vet) except for those icky ears. She is very mellow and pretty laid back. And she DIDN'T pee on me today. I basically put her in my arms on her back out of her crate, didn't speak to her at all and walked her outside and down the apt stairs to the grass and then greeted her good morning. I am hoping her submissive peeing days are coming to an end... She is very cute and has interesting markings. She definitely gets attention when we are out. I think I'll go for my run and then see about taking her to Petco to get some treats / food of her own (we're almost out) and maybe to the beach. However, her love of barking at cyclists, might limit our time there. I find it funny but I'm sure it's not kosher for her to do that.

Thank you my friends for your stories and support. I feel woefully inadequate here and am working through this the best that I can. 

OMG! I am laughing so hard right now ...Sally, you are such a precious gem! You say I have a way with words? Well, girlfriend, so do you!!! LOL!

Y'all are 100% right - she is a dog. And she is pretty darn cute (I do like her dumbo ears quite a bit). I don't know if the photos do them justice but they are really pretty big  compared to the rest of her body. And they are so expressive. Where Shelby could give me 'the look' with her eyes, Jasper's eyes are always in the 'look' but the ears tell me if she is happy or sad. And her big bushy tail which I am sure would curl like a Basenji if she tried. 

We had a pretty good day yesterday - I took her to a local pet store for some food and toys. She did great. She was a tad timid but it could have been overwhelming. She is used to be around other dogs so she wasn't scared. People asked about her and I said she was a rescue and I had had her for less than a week and they were surprised how friendly and not 'shaking' she seemed. We got her some toys of her own (she still prefers Shelby's throw-aways), a pig's ear (she adores that) and some proper kibble. She then slept most of the afternoon. In fact, she sleeps a lot for a 1 1/2 year old dog. At first she played a lot but now she's just snoozy. I worry that she's depressed since her eyes always look sad. 

She's growing on me ... I am not 100% sold yet but I would say that most likely I will probably keep her. I have accepted that I will "like" her and she does some cute things (she's a master stretcher, down dog, up-dog)....She's found her voice (unfortunately sometimes). 

And hearing all your stories about not instant "love at first site" has helped ... a lot. I've been asking my friends too and it would appear that what I am feeling is normal. Thank you all so much! 

Karen -thank you for sharing your story about Ruby. That is how I am feeling right now (almost a week together). I like her 'enough' but I absolutely do not love her. It's more like I "tolerate "her in my space and she makes me laugh (God, I sound like a awful human). I don't reach for her, call for her, want to snuggle her. I pet her, of course, and I will hold and kiss on her. She is a dog after all and I do like dogs! Her story is really unknown other than the hoarding situation so I am sure she is pretty 'dark' up there too. 

Kathie - I hope you are right!! I feel her trying, I do. She's channeling her 'inner' Shelby and that makes me smile. 

Christine - I know - those ears are hilarious. They are SO big and she has to turn her head sideways when she wants to put her head through the railing at my apt since they are so massive. I think I am the the point where I enjoy having her around but I could really take or leave her right now. Like I am not going to actively find her a new home but if her real mom (totally hypothetical right there) were to come and say to me, I want my DOG back, I would give her and not fight for her. Does that make sense? 

One week in and I still have a bit of 'buyer's remorse"... but we'll get there. I am not ready to announce her to the world yet. I still consider her on a trial basis and that is OK for right now because she's in a great home and getting very well taken care of for sure. 🙂