Alison, I am so happy for you, and I totally understand all the mixed feelings. I know that Shelby is smiling down on you and is guiding you. Your new fur baby is adorable and so very fortunate to have you. Please keep us posted

Thinking of you,

Joan and Lily

Hey, Alison,

I've been quiet in the forums lately...going through some stressful things here, but have been following things and checking on everyone. I want to offer some comfort and support to you, if I can.

I adopted Seven about the same amount of time after Willow died that you have brought Jasper Lily into your home after losing Shelby. Although I loved the idea of having Seven, I also was afraid that I took on too much too soon. When Willow came home, she was completely house trained, crate trained, polite, never begged, calm (hung out with me or on her bed) and fit right in. Then, she was gone and I had Seven, an almost 90 lb, completely deaf dog. He was anxious, clumsy due to his neurological disorder ( and I quickly figured out being excited or nervous makes his clumsiness sooo much worse), he wasn't house trained (imagine how much a 90 lb dog's bladder can hold) or crate trained, was constantly pacing/running around the house from nerves, and was not only peeing on the floor but also trying to mark on the furniture, and the poor guy couldn't hear me when I tried to get his attention. He had never lived in a home before and was so confused. I had to tether him to me and we were together every second, even when I went to the bathroom!

It took awhile, and a lot of patience and training to teach him the rules, but he calmed down, stopped having accidents in the house, and has become such an sweet, calm, wonderful dog. I honestly didn't think I would make it through the process, but I did, and Seven and I have such an amazing bond and so much love for each other. And I'm so proud of him for making such an amazing transformation.

Some rescue dogs have been though so much, and it takes them a long time to feel comfortable. They're in a new situation, which is scary. Try to put yourself in her situation...wouldn't you be scared to all of a sudden be in a place you didn't know with a stranger that you're not sure of? I would be terrified!

The accidents in the house that Jasper Lily is having could also have a medical cause. She may have a UTI, which is so easily treatable. Or she just might need some patient training. There are "tools" to help...pee pads, diapers, even the "litter boxes" for dogs.

You're right, there is no replacing Shelby. And really, you don't want to replace her. You want her back, but you don't want to replace her. You are such a kind, giving, loving person and you do have the capacity to love another dog. You shouldn't feel guilty about that. Shelby doesn't want you to. She wants you to be happy.

I hope that you and Jasper Lily have a positive vet appointment today, and that as you go though the weekend, you start to see, and feel, some positive changes.

With love,
Carol

P.S. I want to share this with you:

Baggage - A Rescue Poem

written by Evelyn Colbath 1995 - all rights reserved

Now that I'm home, bathed, settled and fed,
All nicely tucked in my warm new bed.
I'd like to open my baggage lest I forget
There is so much to carry - So much to regret.

Hmm . . . Yes there it is, right on the top.
Let's unpack Loneliness, Heartache and Loss;
And there by my leash hides Fear and Shame.
As I look on these things I tried so hard to leave –

I still have to unpack my baggage called Pain.

I loved them, the others, the ones who left me,
But I wasn't good enough - for they didn't want me.
Will you add to my baggage?

Will you help me unpack?

Or will you just look at my things -
And take me right back?

Do you have the time to help me unpack?
To put away my baggage, to never repack?
I pray that you do - I'm so tired you see,
But I do come with baggage –

Will YOU still want ME?

Alison,

Adopting another dog doesn't make you miss Shelby less. I felt more sadness when Seven came home. I think because even though I knew that he was going to be completely different than Willow, I couldn't help but reminisce about Willow and all the good times we had together, and about how easy the transition of bringing her home was, and how special she was, and how much I loved her. I will always miss Willow, but that doesn't mean I love Seven any less. I love him so much for who he is. What you're going through is completely normal.

If you decide this isn't the right time for you, you aren't a failure. It's part of the journey, and if one path doesn't lead where we want to go, then we back track, clean up our mess, and try another path.

I hope this works out for you and Jasper Lily. If nothing else, Jasper Lily has met a kind, loving person and will know that there are people out there who care. Just remember, it can take time...one week may not be long enough to form that bond that you're looking for. But if it's enough for you to decide, than that's all that matters.

With love,
Carol

I agree with the UTI thing. Lucy was peeing everyplace. I finally took in a sample and she had crystals. Has not had an accident since. Also, can you move her crate closer to the door? The bonding will not happen overnight. I think that it starts to happen as we make new memories. Lucy used to just plain work on my nerves. She does not sit still and cuddle, she herded me and she peed on the floor. Add to that the fact that my husband was the one who got her and she was the reason thAt I could not get a Lab puppy. I started really working with her. Her peeing is under control ( so glad I got her checked) she will jump up and let me hug her now and she no longer herds me. The vacuum is another story. Ty pretty much got all of the attention and my time. You all can relate there. Chandler was old enough that he did well. I had posted that right after Ty died, I was mad and could not connect to Lucy. Well, the last 2 weeks, guess what? I Love Lucy! I find myself a bit anxious to see her when I get home, she plays with Chandler and is keeping him young and she is very devoted to me. I guess the point that I am trying to make, is that feelings cannot be rushed or are we a bad person for our lack of them. Just relax, take things as they come and don't worry too much about the bonding right now. Jasper Liliy is just taking it a day at a time. Maybe a trip to the beach, a different spot than you and Shelby used to go. Or just a walk for some ice cream. You may not feel much of anything for awhile and that is ok. You have just come off of a very bumpy ride. Your emotions will be up and down for awhile. I am suddenly crying more this week. Why? I don't know. It is like waves. Just hang in there and try to relax. I think everything that you are feeling is quite normal. My neighbor just got an American Bulldog pup after losing his 2 year old one to a car last summer. I was getting the same feelings from him he other week. Like what have I gotten myself into. Well, I saw him riding his tractor the other night and guess who was riding on his lap...... Yep his puppy, And he was hugging him smiling ear to ear. He had fallen in love with his dog. Don't know if this helps or not, just thought I would share. Love from, Lori and Ty

well now....    you know I am grinning here...  and I can't believe that I did not see this post a few days ago!!  GAH!

I think it's awesome... and I think Jasper Lily is such a cutie patootie!!!  And... in my gut feeling, I believe Shelby did have a bit of influence in this choice.  And I have a feeling that she will be telling Jasper Lily a few pointers on what to do and what not to!!

First off... you have got to get that guilt out of your head.. AND your heart!!   Jasper Lily Girly is not a replacement... uh huh.... Jasper is a new adventure, a new chapter, she is not an eraser.... she will never erase the love you had for Shelby.. or erase those memories.  There are in your heart behinds Shelby's door with her pawprint on it!  Now, you have another door to open with an empty room that is waiting to be filled with many, many memories and it will eventually be full of doggie love!  Don't keep it shut, because you and I , and all of us know the benefits of having a doggie's love!

Secondly... I believe the submisive pee'ing will stop.  Remember.. this little girl has not had the pleasure of living her whole life in one loving home.  She is probably unsure and confused as you are!  hmmm.. perhaps you will be rescu'ing each other eh?

Thirdly... Don't label yourself as her Foster mom.   She hasn't labelled herself as your foster dog!!   She wants to be your dog!  You are an awesome doggie mom... and this little girl is hoping that her furever home can be with you!!  Elizabeth made some perfect points above...   so true!  It is so hard not to compare them with our past furbaby... I have done that with Wilson.  And there are many times where Wilson will do something and I will say.. "Just like Franklin"....lol   

And.. even you said in your post above, "I like her a smidge better today".  heh heh....   just wait till next week!

Keep us posted... and congratulations!!!!  Open that door Alison... you deserve it..  you both do!!

Christine... with Franklin in her heart♥