Thank you everyone for your kind words and support along this journey. The Tripawads nation was instrumental in getting Fionn and I through the various questions and traumatic events we experienced pre and post op. We could NOT have done it without all of you! I got 9 months and 1 week post amputation with my sweet boy, and that is way more than I was told by the vets. Of course, there was that part of me that hoped "he could be an exception" (as we all do/did I'm sure). THAT part of me is MAD because Fionn's lung mets were growing slowly and we could have had more time if not for the HO rearing it's ugly head. I have nothing but positive things to say about the surgical and oncology staff at UC Davis. Fionn's doctors and technicians did everything they could to help him and were just as devastated that they could do nothing for his HO. Even though I ended up not needing the help, the person who offered to help pay for Fionn's treatments will forever be in my gratitude. If the biophosphonate infusion had worked, they were going to pay for some of the chemo UCD wanted to give him to try and attack the lung mets. Whomever they are, they are an angel on earth!

I am so glad we got to go to the Nor Cal meet up in May. It was a goal I set and he was still feeling good then too. What pawsitive energy there was surrounded by all those tripawds. And we got to have lots of adventures together which I will cherish. Fionn was the second dog I have been able to do this with as their cancers gave us the "luxury" of time. For anyone reading this and going through this journey right now, create a "bucket list" for your dog and enjoy adventures together. Fionn became an excellent beer and wine drinking buddy, and I literally took him everywhere I could. When friends would invite me somewhere my first question was always "can I bring Fionn?". I rarely went somewhere without him! Those memories will stay with me forever.  

Someone said that "it's better a day early than a day late" when deciding it's time to let them go. Very true words. Fionn is my 5th dog who I have had to help and I know that each time was the right time. Fionn was no exception. While he never lost his appetite, he was in pain and nothing was helping. The drugs made Fionn's personality go away and he had no quality of life. I was so glad he decided to go outside one more time though. It was his idea and he got one last roll in his favorite spot. His last memories are of green grass, a lovely breeze and endless love from his people. He went peacefully and, while so very, very hard on us to make the decision to say goodbye, it is the very essence of love and kindness to do so. Once the pain of his loss is a little less acute, I plan on visiting Tripawds in the hopes that I may help someone else like I was helped. 

 There's a lovely quote I found when my dog before Fionn passed:

"Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love. They depart to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog, it merely expands the heart." Fionn created a space in my heart I didn't think could be possible. He truly was special. 

There is a lovely video that Facebook made with pictures and video from his last day. If I can figure out how to share it here I will.

Nancy 

Oh Donna, I had no idea we lost so many this month and 2 in one day! How totally unfair that Murphy survived his amputation so well only to be taken by another, horrible cancer. I've dealt with hemangio before and it is cruel. Yes, our fur kids are free and healthy again (and if there are squirrels Fionn will be ecstatic!). 

It's been awhile since I've logged into Tripawds. Sometimes being reminded of my loss is too much, but today, Fionn was everywhere and I felt compelled to once again visit the place that gave me such comfort during this crazy, 3-legged journey. Sally saw I replied on another post and asked that I share how I'm doing. Part of me is too cynical to believe in "signs" and such, but today felt different. I was at the barn and someone who I rarely see, but have seen since Fionn passed, asked where he was. She had brought her dads golden retriever and wanted them to meet. She felt terrible about asking once she knew. I has been awhile since I've had to talk about it and I thought I was past the tears stage, but nope. She and I had a good one right there in front of everyone. Okay, it was just a few people and our horses, but I'm sure the horses were like "dude, what is up with the waterworks and where are the carrots?". Then, her golden leaned on me just like Fionn did. She said the words everyone says, "he was such a HAPPY, GOOD dog". I told her what the vet said about why goldens are so riddled with cancer- they are filled with so much joy, they can't hold it for very long. Ugh, MORE tears.  I also shared a story about a frame we've had in our family for years. After our first golden died in 2003, we put her picture in a wooden frame that says "Good Dog". We got a golden puppy soon after and adopted a golden a year after that. Those 2 crazy boys never stopped getting into trouble. My girls and I would tell them "you'll NEVER get in the good dog frame if you keep this up!". While I loved those boys as much as the others, neither of them got in the frame. Fionn's picture now resides in that frame. 

When I got home, I just felt compelled to visit the forums. Reluctantly because I knew I would find out who else had succumbed to this awful cancer. My condolences to those of you who have recently lost your fur babies. I saw Luka, Nitro, Otis and Mosby have joined Fionn at the bridge. I hope their people are able to find comfort visiting here when they are ready as I have. There were a couple of posts I replied on where I felt I might be uniquely able to help with my knowledge of human medicine. Was that Fionn giving me a push? I don't know, I just feel him with me when I think about him and, today, I was sooo thinking about him! There were a few posts about when to get another dog that hit home. I haven't wanted to really consider it (not out of some sense of guilt I promise- I've had enough dogs to know they each make a place in your heart separate from the others). I am still paying off the bills from his surgery and treatments and I would rather have that done with before I am responsible for feeding and vet bills for another one. My daughter's cat Luna lives with me so there is a living creature that requires some effort on my part, but not much honestly and, while friendly, it's on her terms and, well, it's just not the same. Cats just don't have that "I worship you" attitude like dogs do. It's more like, "I will now lay on your face and you will tolerate it or I will slash you while you sleep or pee on the bath mat". There has been one benefit from Fionn's passing. The dog door stays locked now. The cat used to freely go in and out since I left it open for Fionn while I was at work. Luna is 8 lbs of viscous, serial killer and is single handedly keeping the bunny,lizard and quail population controlled. Many of them ended up in my house. Many still alive. Now, she's either in or out and I can make sure she isn't "carrying" before she enters. If I get another dog (my daughter gives it until December before I give in), I'll have to get out the various sized capture devices again (a mix of tupperware and boxes depending on the size of the creature). Ugh

I'll leave you with a picture I found on an old phone of the evil Luna's mummy and Fionn. It pretty much sums up his personality.

https://goo.gl/.....DMwc2aZ32A

Don't worry Sally, I'll keep visiting. Time may pass as the pain is still fresh, but coming here keeps Fionn alive for me in a way.

For those of you on or beginning this journey, support is a click away. Let the tripawd nation help you through this. Live every day with your fur baby to the fullest. Make a bucket list for your baby and do everything on it!  Don't fret about the "timeline" you are given. None of us make it out of here alive so LIVE the time you are given. Dogs and cats do that instinctively, we are the ones counting and bemoaning the days we have left with them.

Love from Nancy and big, super wet kisses from Fionn at the bridge (sorry but they probably smell like horse poop)

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OMG Amy, you really touched my heart. Fionn's name living on in a sweet fawn is amazing! Thank you for telling me