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Trying to live without Nitro
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Durham, NC
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7 August 2017 - 8:44 pm
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Paula,

I have to chime in and say that I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Each of us copes differently, reacts differently and finds their way through this however they can. I am not far behind you as Izzy and Nitro slipped away in the same week so I get what you are going through. Fine one minute and a mess the next? Seems reasonable to me! 

Follow your heart and do what feels right. Izzy has been visiting a lot, so I know she's around me. I hope she keeps showing herself to me - I'd actually like it if she were a bit more obvious because it makes me feel better. I talk to her all the time; I know she is listening. Nitro will guide you, too. Just take one of Sally's deep breaths and try to remember that there IS a plan (and you need not know what it  is just yet).

Sending our love,

Amy & my pretty pink angel piggy, Izzy

Momma to the world's most beautiful American Bulldog, Izzy!! Lost her front leg to OSA 9/18/15. Diagnosed w MCT in June 2016. Celebrated her 1 year ampuversary with knee surgery on 9/18/16! MCT recurrence in Dec 2016. Happy & hungry til nearly 14, earning her wings on 7/31/17.

Virginia
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7 August 2017 - 8:58 pm
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Awww....Amy & my pretty pink Angel piggy Izzyheartheartheart

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Los Angeles, CA
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14 August 2017 - 9:47 am
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Paula, I'm late to this conversation as I had been out of town (as you know) and was following snippets here and there but I get it. I 100% understand where you are. .. grief comes in so many cycles ...my first week I was cried out and then I was fine and 2 weeks later, I went for a run and couldn't get home because I was crying SO hard I was hyperventilating. I think once the shock and awe wear off ... we are left with the reality.

And no one but you knows if it is right but I love that poem that Elizabeth shared. It spoke to me when 2 months after Shelby passed, I rescued Jasper ... I asked Shelby for signs. I met another dog before JL and it felt wrong and scary. Jasper felt sort of right but not 100% but as we all know ...it worked out.

We are here for you... Nitro will send you signs... your bond was the strongest bond EVER and he will never abandon you! Always with you!!!!

sending heartheartheart

Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.

October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014

Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife

Durham, NC
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14 August 2017 - 10:30 am
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Paula,

Just wanted to post a quick note - I keep seeing Nitro's beautiful banner and thinking about how handsome he was. As you know, I'm following your path just a few steps behind and finding that week 1 was much easier for me than week 2 without Izzy. I can't go on vacation all the time to distract myself.

I'm thinking of you and hope you are hanging in.

Sending love,

Amy & my sweet sassy angel, Izzy heart

Momma to the world's most beautiful American Bulldog, Izzy!! Lost her front leg to OSA 9/18/15. Diagnosed w MCT in June 2016. Celebrated her 1 year ampuversary with knee surgery on 9/18/16! MCT recurrence in Dec 2016. Happy & hungry til nearly 14, earning her wings on 7/31/17.

Green Bay, WI
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14 August 2017 - 11:16 am
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Here we are, 3 weeks post-Nitro......still have good days and bad, but signs are everywhere. Kodi is Kodi, he's so laid back its hard to know what he thinks. I come home at night, and find him laying on the futon by himself, and he looks lonely to me. I miss having 2 dogs in the house - we've always had a pair. John's grieving process is a ways behind me, as I've said before, I've been grieving for more than a year now.

I stumbled on a nine week old Westie pup, an hour away.....Westie's are pretty hard to come by in our area, and this intrigued me. I went  to look at him, but left without a commitment (John couldn't go with, so I took pics and videos). We left it as, "if he's still available on Monday, we'd go back". 

I'm having a diamond made from Nitro's ashes, fur and my hair, as a memorial to my boy; as I was considering finances, I knew if it came down to a puppy or Nitro, Nitro would win hands down.  So I decided to put my Harley up for sale, hoping it would sell before the end of the ride season (but not expecting it), as this would help with available money. The day after it listed, someone bought it for our asking price! Ok! There goes that argument for puppy vs Nitro.

It's Monday, the puppy is still available.......a cardinal was singing in my yard this morning.....not sure if it's a mistake or not, but I'll be heading to see the puppy later this afternoon. Stay tuned.

Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro

Nitro 11 1/2  yr old Doberman; right front amp June 2014. Had 6 doses carboplatin, followed by metronomic therapy. Rocked it on 3 legs for over 3 years! My Warrior beat cancer, but couldn't beat old age. He crossed the Bridge peacefully on July 25, 2017, with dignity and on his terms.  Follow his blog entitled "Doberman's journey"

http://nitro.tr.....27_2_1.jpg

"Be good, mama loves you".....run free my beautiful Warrior

Durham, NC
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14 August 2017 - 12:33 pm
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A diamond?! Oh my - I *have* to look into that!!!!  Looks like all signs are pointing to good things for you ... I'm soooo glad!!

Keep us posted!

xoxox

Momma to the world's most beautiful American Bulldog, Izzy!! Lost her front leg to OSA 9/18/15. Diagnosed w MCT in June 2016. Celebrated her 1 year ampuversary with knee surgery on 9/18/16! MCT recurrence in Dec 2016. Happy & hungry til nearly 14, earning her wings on 7/31/17.

Green Bay, WI
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14 August 2017 - 12:46 pm
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Amy, I first learned of the diamond thing here on Tripawds - an article by Rene I believe. The website is Heart-in-Diamond.com

P

Nitro 11 1/2  yr old Doberman; right front amp June 2014. Had 6 doses carboplatin, followed by metronomic therapy. Rocked it on 3 legs for over 3 years! My Warrior beat cancer, but couldn't beat old age. He crossed the Bridge peacefully on July 25, 2017, with dignity and on his terms.  Follow his blog entitled "Doberman's journey"

http://nitro.tr.....27_2_1.jpg

"Be good, mama loves you".....run free my beautiful Warrior

Here and Now

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14 August 2017 - 1:12 pm
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izzysmomma said
A diamond?! Oh my - I *have* to look into that!!!!  

Here ya go...

http://gifts.tr.....-diamonds/

Virginia
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14 August 2017 - 2:57 pm
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SGNS!!!   SIGNS!!!!      EVERYWHERE SIGNS!!!!   And  Cardinal shows up today????   Are you kidding me?   Okay....lretty breathless over here!!!    A Cardinal shows up within an hour after Nitro headed to the Bridge!    I think you said it was a female.   Now, today, another Cardinal shows up....her mate......and it's Monday.....and the puppy is still available....DUH!!!!   BEAR and NITRO could not be anymore clear about where this puppy belongs!!! 🙂

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Virginia
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14 August 2017 - 3:05 pm
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Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Livermore, CA
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14 August 2017 - 11:27 pm
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Hi Paula,

First let me apologize for just now sending condolences, I've been pretty much away from Tripawds for a couple of months due to job commitments and family obligations.  I have been peaking in from time to time and I knew that Nitro was nearing the end of his journey.  He is a special warrior and will live forever in your heart!

Like your last few months with Nitro the end of Tripug Maggie's journey was very intense and was all consuming.  The night I came home without her the silence was deafening...and I still had Tani at home.  Tani had her own issues and took meds daily, but compared to Maggie, well it seemed like I had nothing to do.  Tani was really lost without Maggie, she had never, ever lived as the only pug.  I would find her sleeping in weird places, she was mopey when I took her on walks or tried to play with her.

Nothing about signing up with the rescue is weird to me- and nothing you do will ever take anything away from the loving bond that you shared with Nitro.  He will always claim a piece of your heart and soul, but there is enough heart and soul to love another.  Tani was here with Maggie, then came Obie and after Tani passed Elly came along.  I will never have a bond with any other dog like I had with Maggie, but that doesn't mean that I don't love them all for who they are and treasure what each brings (or has brought) to my life.

Besides, I think that the dogs that come into our lives come for a reason.  It's not always clear at first why, and sometimes it takes years to discover their purpose.  At least that has what has happened with my dogs.

Nitro was a major part of your life for years- it will take more than a few days or weeks to be able to always smile at the memories.

Karen and the Spirit Pug Girls

Tri-pug Maggie survived a 4.5 year mast cell cancer battle only to be lost to oral melanoma.

1999 to 2010

 

              Maggie's Story                  Amputation and Chemo

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18 August 2017 - 6:14 pm
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Hi Paula,

I can't say enough how much I echo Karen's words here.  This is sooooo effing hard - and I say it a year out from MySweetTed's amputation and ever so close to a year without him - and I miss him every.single.day - despite the fact that I have a super sweet little (BIG) pup laying right here next to my feet...who adores me (and I him).  Breathe....just breathe.  I do think you should get another companion for yourself - just take the time to do it slowly or you may end up losing the joy in it!  I'm happy to explain that later.  We are all here for you, use us, lean on us, vent on us, we all know what you are going through. Nitro was such a glorious, beautiful warrior.  I personally am so thankful to have known him through you...
w

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19 August 2017 - 3:03 pm
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Dear Paula, You were so helpful to me the day I called the Tripawds hotline in tears...confused, but knowing what we had to do for Bella later that day.  I could hear how hard it was for you too - knowing Nitro was nearing the end of his journey.  I could feel all the hope in your heart for your sweet boy.  It is so heartbreaking even when you are prepared. He had such a graceful and loving goodbye - and this last gift came from you.  It will be one month tomorrow since we said goodbye to Bella.  I journal every morning and still write to Bella, but ask how things are going in her super wonderful new world, free of fear, pain, or worry.  She is having a blast - but misses us too.  I hadn't slept on a human bed for months, as I would camp out on the floor with Bella to be there if she needed me. We had our own little pack on the floor...me, Bella, and my two cats Ziggy and Ninja.  It was so strange to sleep in a regular bed once she was gone.  I wanted to sleep on the floor near her bed that night even though she was gone.  I know how hard this must be for you - but I smiled to read that you are opening your heart to a new dog.  It's so right.  In so many ways.  We adopted our dog Maya (Bella's pesky little sister) only a few weeks after we lost our loving black lab Diamond.  Diamond was and always will be the most special dog I've ever known - but Bella was so lonely without a pack friend.  We thought we had to get another black lab...but boy were we wrong.  When we went to the animal shelter a few towns away - my husband immediately gravitated to this little white spotted, scruffy dog with a huge smile and what looked like black eyeliner around her white eyelashes. Diamond was telling us to take a leap of faith with this little girl and we did and never looked back.  Bella, on the other hand - was probably hoping for something a bit more docile.  But Maya was just what Bella needed.  She got Bella to come out of her shell and before long, they were resting their heads on one another and swimming around in the pond like old friends.  And then life happened and we said our sweet loving goodbye to Bella too soon.   Maya - like me, is lost without Bella.  I know I'll never replace my sweet girl, but you have inspired me to start to think about a new friend to rescue and love and introduce to our pack.  The journey never ends, with love - it keeps going and going.

Virginia
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19 August 2017 - 9:42 pm
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This is what we do around here.  When we help.others heal, we help ourselves heal.    When we help oirselves heal, we help others heal.

It's good to hear from you Brenda.   And it's lovely for you to take time to respond so beautifully to Paula.

Just happen to know that there were a couple of things that were just PERFECT for Ms. Paula to hear!   ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!! 🙂   Pay attention Paula!!  When the student is ready, the teacher appears!   And the teacher can be human, dog or cat..maybe even a Vulture every now and then! 🙂

Brenda said
but I smiled to read that you are opening your heart to a new dog.  It's so right.  In so many ways.  We adopted our dog Maya (Bella's pesky little sister) only a few weeks after we lost our loving black lab  We thought we had to get another black lab...but boy were we wrong.   my husband immediately gravitated to this little white spotted, scruffy dog with a huge smile and what looked like black eyeliner around her white eyelashes. Diamond was telling us to take a leap of faith with this little girl and we did and never looked back.  Bella, on the other hand - was probably hoping for something a bit more docile.  But Maya was just what Bella needed.  She got Bella to come out of her shell and before long, they were resting their heads on one another and swimming around in the pond like old friends.  I know I'll never replace my sweet girl, but you have inspired me to start to think about a new friend to love and introduce to our pack.  The journey never ends, with love - it keeps going and going.  

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Virginia
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19 August 2017 - 9:46 pm
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And Brenda referenced  WHITE SCRUFFY DOG.....hmmmmm......perhaps a WHITE SCRUFFY DOGGY needs a home Paula!!  :-):-)    TEE....HEE....... 

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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