Paula,

I have to chime in and say that I don't think there is anything wrong with you. Each of us copes differently, reacts differently and finds their way through this however they can. I am not far behind you as Izzy and Nitro slipped away in the same week so I get what you are going through. Fine one minute and a mess the next? Seems reasonable to me! 

Follow your heart and do what feels right. Izzy has been visiting a lot, so I know she's around me. I hope she keeps showing herself to me - I'd actually like it if she were a bit more obvious because it makes me feel better. I talk to her all the time; I know she is listening. Nitro will guide you, too. Just take one of Sally's deep breaths and try to remember that there IS a plan (and you need not know what it  is just yet).

Sending our love,

Amy & my pretty pink angel piggy, Izzy

Paula, I'm late to this conversation as I had been out of town (as you know) and was following snippets here and there but I get it. I 100% understand where you are. .. grief comes in so many cycles ...my first week I was cried out and then I was fine and 2 weeks later, I went for a run and couldn't get home because I was crying SO hard I was hyperventilating. I think once the shock and awe wear off ... we are left with the reality.

And no one but you knows if it is right but I love that poem that Elizabeth shared. It spoke to me when 2 months after Shelby passed, I rescued Jasper ... I asked Shelby for signs. I met another dog before JL and it felt wrong and scary. Jasper felt sort of right but not 100% but as we all know ...it worked out.

We are here for you... Nitro will send you signs... your bond was the strongest bond EVER and he will never abandon you! Always with you!!!!

sending 

Dear Paula, You were so helpful to me the day I called the Tripawds hotline in tears...confused, but knowing what we had to do for Bella later that day.  I could hear how hard it was for you too - knowing Nitro was nearing the end of his journey.  I could feel all the hope in your heart for your sweet boy.  It is so heartbreaking even when you are prepared. He had such a graceful and loving goodbye - and this last gift came from you.  It will be one month tomorrow since we said goodbye to Bella.  I journal every morning and still write to Bella, but ask how things are going in her super wonderful new world, free of fear, pain, or worry.  She is having a blast - but misses us too.  I hadn't slept on a human bed for months, as I would camp out on the floor with Bella to be there if she needed me. We had our own little pack on the floor...me, Bella, and my two cats Ziggy and Ninja.  It was so strange to sleep in a regular bed once she was gone.  I wanted to sleep on the floor near her bed that night even though she was gone.  I know how hard this must be for you - but I smiled to read that you are opening your heart to a new dog.  It's so right.  In so many ways.  We adopted our dog Maya (Bella's pesky little sister) only a few weeks after we lost our loving black lab Diamond.  Diamond was and always will be the most special dog I've ever known - but Bella was so lonely without a pack friend.  We thought we had to get another black lab...but boy were we wrong.  When we went to the animal shelter a few towns away - my husband immediately gravitated to this little white spotted, scruffy dog with a huge smile and what looked like black eyeliner around her white eyelashes. Diamond was telling us to take a leap of faith with this little girl and we did and never looked back.  Bella, on the other hand - was probably hoping for something a bit more docile.  But Maya was just what Bella needed.  She got Bella to come out of her shell and before long, they were resting their heads on one another and swimming around in the pond like old friends.  And then life happened and we said our sweet loving goodbye to Bella too soon.   Maya - like me, is lost without Bella.  I know I'll never replace my sweet girl, but you have inspired me to start to think about a new friend to rescue and love and introduce to our pack.  The journey never ends, with love - it keeps going and going.