Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words.  I loved the lyrics to that song, Michael.  

It’s been a rough last month.  I immediately reached out for support as I was struggling with extreme guilt on top of missing him…guilt for getting to the point where the only “help” I could offer him was euthanasia.  I felt like he trusted me to help him and I completely failed him.   Talking with Sally helped me greatly in a time of need.  I called the support line in the hopes she might answer and I was so glad she did.  I did a Lap of Love support group and also spoke with a grief counselor.  As of last week, I was starting to function better and catching up on things I had put off while Honor was sick.  I took Bianca back to a new vet in front of my neighborhood that I had her at for an ear infection during Honor’s final weeks.  Our regular vet had been booked. This vet talked with me after and suggested she thought the leg Bianca had TPLO surgery on should be xrayed.  Last one was in June.  Anyway I had put it off but brought her there the Friday before last.  It’s a long story but they ended up keeping her all day and, when I picked her up, I was told the vet detected a heart murmur so they did an ultrasound in addition to the xrays.  I was told she likely had hemangiosarcoma of the heart and skin and also probably osteosarcoma in the leg she had surgery on.  This was 16 days after losing Honor.  It was closing time on a Friday so I couldn’t even reach out to my usual vet.  Anyway, what followed was a week of 2 different vet appts (both who reassured me the diagnosis seemed wrong) and finally an ultrasound at a specialist on Friday who was able to confirm she is 100 percent fine!  I had already joined hemangiosarcoma groups, ordered supplements, etc.  All I can say is I hope to never face that cancer with any of my dogs! 

Hi everyone.  I know it's been a long time since I've posted.   I just spent the morning downloading and saving more Ring videos from the yard.  They only go back to July now so after he was diagnosed but was walking pretty ok after the radiation.  Honestly, I'm very torn on looking at the ones from where things really started to go downhill.  If I don't save them, they will be gone forever though.  I did really enjoy watching and saving some of the ones from before he started limping.  The saved videos only go back a certain number of months.  I was really sad to get to the end of the ones before his diagnosis.  Right now, I'm mainly up to the ones where I was taking him to the lake most every morning.  He still looked happy and I still had hope.  Wish I could have just frozen time there.    Looking at them reminded me of all of you here who offered so much support so I wanted to sign in and see how everyone is doing. 

Wednesday the 24th will be Darcy's 10th birthday and the anniversary of the day we adopted Honor from the shelter he was at.  Honor would now be 9.  While I'm so happy Darcy is still with us and I plan to do something to celebrate for her, it's also going to be an emotionally rough day for me because Honor joined our family on her 2nd birthday so it was always a celebration of them both. 

Around the end of November, and shortly before Thanksgiving and mine and my son's birthdays I became aware of a 7 month old male Great Pyrenees puppy that was being fostered by the lady who runs the rescue we adopted Bianca from.  She was fostering he and his 2 sisters for a larger national rescue.  They had never lived indoors and were going to be transported to the Northeast if not adopted soon.  She let me know he was her favorite she had ever fostered and she believed he was meant for me.  This was very soon after having said goodbye to Honor and shortly after I went through the health scare with Bianca so I wavered.  I finally told myself I was doing it mainly to give him a good home, but he has helped me far more than I helped him.  I'm not sure I would have made it through the holidays without him.  My son and husband drove to GA to get him and, on the way home, my son was telling me how he felt like he had known this dog his whole life.   We named him Atlas.  He is a goof and a snuggler and has made me laugh many days I felt like crying.  Honor would have hated him I'm sure, but I know he wouldn't have wanted me to be alone so, as long as he doesn't have to deal with him, I feel like he is okay with it.  Atlas saw and chased off his first bear yesterday (it was just a cub and barely bigger than him, but Honor would have approved).  Bianca is still doing .... okay.  Now the vet thinks she found arthritis in her toe (she already has it in many places) and, of course, I immediately asked for an X-ray to make sure it isn't bone cancer.  The vet didn't see anything that jumped out at her (phew!),  but sending it to radiology to be safe.   That's basically what has been going on here.