Thanks Jerry and Sally.

Swelling in paw looks better…not perfect but better. Yet, he still is only moving once or twice a day and that’s to go to the bathroom. 

I kept thinking maybe the lung mets hadn’t gotten too much worse because I wasn’t hearing a lot of coughing but read something about how cerenia can act as a cough suppressant and I have been giving him that daily for weeks…ever since he started antibiotics to combat nausea from those.  He does pant a lot during the night and last night he was keeping his head raised most of the night and panting which made me worry he was having trouble breathing laying with his head flat but he is now on his side.  I cut his dose of gabapentin down to make sure that wasn’t causing the panting but it seems unrelated.  

Lap of Love hospice care thought it was ok to continue with hospice for longer and thought little risk of a crisis as we would see lung/breathing issues progressing with time to set appt but, of course, what happened with Ellie comes to mind along with some other stories I have read.  And, given the added confusion of having had the cementoplasty procedure done and the complications he had, it is very difficult to determine if his reluctance to move and general discomfort is leg related, lung related or if there is something going on elsewhere in his body/spread that we don’t know about. The only way to determine that would be extensive testing requiring sedation which, even if he was mobile enough to get somewhere, would only potentially give me an answer but no solution.

All I know is it’s a beautiful, cooler morning for the first day in several days…the kind of day where even at the beginning of last week Honor would at least make his way to his bed on the patio and be outside for hours.  I mean he wasn’t super alert and interested in everything he normally would be, but he at least made it out there.  Not today. 

I had hoped Lap of Love hospice might prescribe some things to keep him more comfortable.  I asked about prednisone but she said too many side effects and better off just continuing carprofen as it works just as well for inflammation.  Should I push back stronger for trying prednisone?  I asked about hydrocodone and she didn’t think he needed it yet and to reserve for later.  I don’t know how much “later” we have.  The only thing additional she suggested I add is tramadol which, of course, recent research shows does absolutely nothing for dogs!

Meanwhile, I have a tentative appt to say goodbye set up for Thurs.  I can keep pushing it off, but I am trying to figure out if I would be pushing it off more for me or for him.  At the moment, I worry it may be the former because I know saying goodbye to him is going to completely break me.  I mean he is still eating things I hand feed him, drinking, occasionally interested in watching birds on the TV, and liking being pet and my talking to him.   Do I wait for those things to be gone too?  For worse symptoms to make an appearance?  For myself to have absolute certainty that I have no other option?  For some divine inspiration to tell me it is time? The problem is I really can’t even answer these questions. 

Jerry,

Thanks so much for letting me know that.  I do think I could really benefit from talking with her tomorrow.

So, things are still not good.  Honor hasn’t been able to move from his spot in the bedroom since 7 PM last night.  I’ve opened the patio door and he wants to go outside and it looks like he has tried several times but just can’t.   I am starting to worry we are headed towards complete rear leg paralysis or something.  I can’t remember if Whitney’s Ellie had weakness in her hind legs or difficulty getting up or anything that presented in advance of her completely losing use of her hind legs or if it was more sudden.

All I know is everytime it gets to be around this time of day, he eventually manages to somehow get up because he really needs to go to the bathroom but I’m sitting here on edge because I just have a feeling that one day he may not be able to even make that one trip outside and it would kill him to make a mess indoors as he never has.

I don’t think the issue is the leg he had the procedure on.  This is beyond that.  If the issue was only that leg, he has 3 other legs and I’ve seen him at least putting weight on the leg that had the procedure so that’s just not it.  He doesn’t have much coughing.  I don’t think I heard him cough one yesterday.  He does have noisy breathing at time and rapid breathing/panting but it’s hard to tell if the latter is due to his lungs or the discomfort/pain from whatever it is that is making it difficult for him to move.  He has also been groaning some when shifting positions.  Needless to say, all of this is breaking my heart and I am down to having no good options.  The only medication Lap of Love could think to add is Tylenol with codeine so I’ll be picking that up.  He keeps looking at me for help and I hate that the only thing I can offer at this point is death.