Whitney, right now something resembling the 30 days you got vet free and med free with Ellie while she was feeling good would be the best case scenario I could possibly hope for….better than several months with him feeling like crap from medications and being dragged to bloodwork appts. etc.  You made the right decision!  If he recovers (and it’s a very big “if” at moment), I can’t put him through anything else.  I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the regret I have over putting him through this.  He has only been going outside to go to the bathroom once a day (sometimes 24 hours).  He barely moves throughout the entire day.  When I do see him up and walking, he is weight bearing.  He isn’t panting a lot like he was prior to the procedure.  Yet, he seems really despondent and not himself at all.  The only new medication he is on since after the procedure is cephalexin (an antibiotic).   I feel like no one has given me very straight answers when it comes to the lung mets so I have no idea if what he is experiencing right now could be due to those progressing quickly, after effects of the procedure…..I just have no idea why he is like this.  All I know is that he is done.  He was so tolerant and good natured about everything I put him through.  It all made more sense when I had 10-12 months looking probable and the 20 percent chance of 2 years or more.  Two weeks at a time of chemo stomach upset or lethargy or additional vet appointments doesn’t seem as large a price to pay when you  have all that hope for possible time living a normal, great life on the other side of it.  The potential risks to potential benefits ratio is just not encouraging when it comes to trying to stall lung mets that are already this many in number and size.   I can’t very well give a dog oral chemo that is in his present physical state so I don’t think it’s even an option.  It feels like he is on the verge of dying.  His quality of life since I got him home is pretty close to zero.  If it weren’t for holding out hope that it’s still recovery related, I would have to be looking at scheduling the dreaded appointment because I’d be worried that what might come next would be even worse than losing him that way.  

Honor update:  Now 9 days past procedure.  

Unfortunately, after I took the bandages off, I’ve had to be more diligent with the cone because the sutures are in easy reach and, although he hasn’t shown too much interest, I was warned that he is very high risk for infection so to make sure he doesn’t lick at them.  It’s one of the soft cones but it still makes him even more depressed so I take it off and sit or lay right next to him for hours without doing anything else as I can’t risk getting distracted.   Needless to say, my house is a complete disaster zone at this point, but I have limited time with Honor and the rest of my life to do chores. When I’m laying down with him, he will put his paws around my neck and push his face into mine and I just wish I could freeze time and stay there forever.  

He still seems very lethargic.  He can walk and put some weight down but I can’t say things look any better yet than before we did the procedure.  There is still some swelling and the Dr. said she had to scrape against the inner layer of the bone (which is the most painful layer and why bone cancer is so painful) to get the dead tumor out so they had room to put the cement in and fill the micro fracture… or something to that effect.  

Of course, the difficulty is not knowing how much of the lethargy is due to lung mets and how much is due to recovery.  His oncologist did a phone consult with me.  She suggested one take at home medication (forget the name but begins with a “v”) that she has had some success with for lung mets without seeing side effects, but we aren’t at the point of being able to do anything at all and I am not feeling super hopeful that we will be.   She would also be able to just provide strict palliative care…..prednisone, hydrocodone etc. to deal with symptoms as they arise but I’d have to be able to get him there.  I have an appt. with a holistic vet 5 minutes away on Thurs. and she is willing to get his sutures out while there so I can try to minimize/consolidate appts.    Just hoping I can actually get him out to the minivan, which we extended the rental on, and over there for a set appt time.  It’s not a situation where he will just get up when I tell him it’s time to go and take his leash out like in the past.  He’s pretty much only been getting up when he needs to go outside to relieve himself.  I have to put his food and water in front of him to have while he is laying down.  Having the mobile vet come over to take the sutures out would be an absolute last resort that I would like to avoid because, after last time, they would require me to give him 3 different sedation meds at very high doses and there is absolutely no way I can see safely doing that to him in his current state.

At this point, my greatest wish is that his leg would improve enough that we could make a some trips to the lake or he could be able to take a few little walks down the street before we have to say goodbye due to the lung mets causing too many symptoms.  And, of course, I am worried about a crisis since I’m not currently having him monitored by a vet and I’ve seen this cancer take some unexpected turns.