Tara has an appointment tomorrow (Wed) with a vet tech for a blood draw and also a chest x-ray.  I was a little appalled to realize that when my husband took her in for her annual earlier this year, he did not get blood work done.  My rule of thumb is that if the cat is 10 or older, they go every year to the vet and get blood work done every year.  That's how we catch things like thyroid issues or kidney problems.  Orlando (20 year old) has gone every 6 months since he turned 18.  But apparently my husband didn't get blood work done earlier this year so it's been over a year now.  So we could find out something else, like thyroid or kidney stuff that we had no idea about.

Husband also wants to get a referral to an oncologist.  I made my list of questions to ask the vet when she calls with results of blood work and the x-rays.  He said he is having second thoughts about amputation.  I am hesitant to go spend $$$ seeing an oncologist just to have them say the same thing.  He also asked for a copy of the path report from the biopsy we did when the mass returned a few weeks ago, so he could read all the cancer-ese.  

Tara is still in her cone because otherwise she chews at her paw and re-opens the wound and I am worried about infection.  She is acting a little depressed, but I can't tell if it is because of the cone or because she doesn't feel well (or both).  She is pretty sedate normally, but she has been sticking close to me or going to hide in FIL's closet (the latter especially to me suggests that she doesn't feel good).

So yeah.  I am like 90% of the way there to amputation, but now husband is having second thoughts.  He said he will do whatever I want to do, but I worry about him holding it against me.

Thank you, Sally!  I think husband is falling back on the "she is already old" argument and how much more time will we get vs. putting her through an amputation.  Me, growing up, all four of our cats lived to at least 16.  Midnight was 18 when he died.  When I started collecting my own brood after college, I assumed 16 would be the minimum.  Murphy caught me completely off guard with his kidney disease and then cancer and he left us when he was 14.  So now I am like OK, 14 is the minimum.  Except now of course Tara just turned 14 last week.

And in husband's family, cat life expectancy is lower, maybe like 10 or 12 or something.  So he has said he is content to sort of let this be the thing that gets her.  And I know she won't live forever, something will get her, and at some point she will be old enough that I will say no, I'm not putting her through XYZ.  It's like with Elly, who was my heart cat, she majorly slowed down and it was obvious something was going on - so we went and they felt a mass in her abdomen.  She was 17 and a half, I didn't even bother putting her through the ultrasound because I knew I wasn't going to put her through the surgery (if that was even an option).  So we let her go.

But Tara at 14, my reaction is not automatically that she is too old or in bad condition.  She is very petite, but she is not overweight and she is generally healthy.  She looks way better than Orlando, who is 20 (just about anything goes wrong with him and I am ready to let him go so he doesn't suffer).  I think she would survive amputation and would adjust.  I struggle with the thought that I would feel horrible for the rest of her life, especially if it ended up being short.  But if we do this and she makes it to 16 or 18 or even 20, it will have been worth it.  I don't understand husband's willingness to let this be the thing that gets her, aside from him wanting to avoid putting both her and me through an amputation.  I tried explaining getting rid of the cancer now before it spreads will be better, but he does his "I know everything about cancer" thing and says it likely won't spread and won't be painful.  But if we don't want her chewing on it, she's in a cone for the rest of her life.  If we find someone to remove the growth, chances are it will come back.  And how many times do we put her through that surgery?

Sorry for all the word/emotion vomit, I'm sure everyone is used to it, this is such a huge decision and it's so emotional.

Thanks, everyone.  We went to the vet yesterday so a tech could do the chest x-ray and also get some blood for blood work.  They said that Tara behaved extremely well.  So now we are just waiting on the vet to call us with results.  I think either way my husband is going to ask for a referral to a vet oncologist for a second opinion.  And then we are going to call whoever we get referred to and ask how much it will be to go in and see them, do the exam, etc.  I've already spent almost $700 between the biopsy, the blood work, and the x-ray.  But I would be interested to hear what an oncologist would say.  The thing on her paw has shrunk back down again, but she's still in the cone otherwise she chews at it.  I feed her in the morning and at night and I take her cone off and sit with her and let her bathe herself etc. but then put the cone back on when she starts going at her paw.  

I find if I think about this logically, amputation is the obvious choice.  But if I get emotions involved, I want to do anything but that.  I just find it so upsetting.  I think husband is still thinking more in terms of amputation would be to prevent the spread, and to him sarcomas don't spread often, so there is no need to amputate (I know his dad feels 100% the same way, but I did tell husband that if his father disagrees with me he just needs to keep that to himself and so far that's worked out).  I am like, but otherwise she is in a cone, or we find someone to remove the mass but then when does it come back and how often?  How many more surgeries would we put her through?

At one point husband even said that we have just talked so much up one side and down the other that he is confused about what to do and that is why he wants a new, fresh opinion from an oncologist.  I am like... I remember the order that things happened in if you want me to go over it and help you not be confused... but he just wants a second opinion. 

Just waiting for news from the vet and then we'll go from there, I guess.  I am sure she will call husband and then he will forget all the questions I want to ask... or she'll call me and I'll be in a meeting so she'll have to leave a message or something.  Ugh.  I hate waiting.