Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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I am so, so sorry that you had to part with Fred. They are so stoic and you have to know you and your vet did the best you could to understand what was going on with Fred despite that stoicism. It isn't easy - they hide so much. Please, please do not feel guilty as you could not have tried harder to do what was best for him.
Wishing you comfort in the tenderness of memory - recall that Fred's life was not these last days - it was years of happy companionship and adventure. Wishing dear Fred the sweetest dreams.
Lisa, Minneapolis
On October 27, 2016, nearly 6 months after amputation, and 18 months since his cancer likely started, we lost Pofi to a recurrence of Soft Tissue Sarcoma in his spine quite suddenly. His canine sister also succumbed to cancer on March 1, 2019 - we lavished her with our love in the interim, but life was never quite the same without her only real canine friend. Cliff kitty had to leave us, too, suddenly, in August 2019. Lucia kitty grieved all these losses, but helped us welcome two new Lurchers into our home and our lives, Shae and Barley.
I am so sorry to know that dear Fred has gone. He was so obviously deeply, deeply loved and treasured.
I am sorry too that the ending was so hard. I have experienced that myself and I know how terribly distressing it can be. There is just no possible way of predicting these things. Please, please do not reproach yourself. You could not possibly have done more for Fred, or tried harder to establish his best interests.
In time, the wonderful memories you created together, will overpower the pain of your loss.
Sending love,
Meg and Clare (and Elsie Pie) xxx
Ruby, Staffy, born June 2022, became a Tripawd, 23 November 2023, adopted 12 January 2024.
Also Angel Tripawd Meg (aka The Megastar), who died in April 2023, aged 14, after seven glorious years on three, and Angel Staffies Pie and Bille. In the pawprints of giants...
Thank you everyone for all your kind thoughts. It means so much to be understood, to have access to this community.
This part is sooooo hard. Your heart is broken and you don't think you can take your next breath. The void hurts, the break in the day to day routine of caring for Fred is not there and it hurts. Everything hurts. The grief seems to get worse everyday and you wonder how that is even possible.
There is something each of us who have experienced a "loss" can promise you. The tthousands of happy memories you and Fred shared will eventually, slowly but surely, pish the sadness vurther in the background. It will never go away, but it wil ddiminish as the hole in your heart fills with Fred's happy smiles and wagging tail.
His crossover was just a blink of an eye compared to the years and years of treasured times you two shared. I just revisited those great pictures from Fred's "family abum" and can assure you, Fred had a GREAT life of loveand spoiling and wonderful adventures!!
Because of the intensiy and stress of this journey, ournerves areshot and out emotions are raw as we are faced with the actual transition. So we ocus on those last momer for awhile. You will finally realize that wasted energy keeps you from staying connected to your beloved Fred. That piece of disease did not and will not come between you and Fred! Your unbreakable connection is stronger than ever!!
I can assure you there was a huge pawty at the Bridge welcoming him back home! There were bowls of ice cream, platters of steaks, cheese pizzas and CHOCOLATE milk shakes!!! Fred arrived with all four legs and he was young and fit and vibrant!
But the best part of his welcome home paaty? They had picnic tables allmover the place littered with remnants of sandwiches and other yummy trash and leftovers!
After a brief nap, he took a tour of the pristine lakes and wonderful hills and boulders he could climb. And then they settle in a dbit sit by a campfire where they roast marshmallows and hot dogs and share stories about their humans. Fred bragged that he had the best humans ever and had an absolute blast with them!!
Fred WILL send you a message...a sign..that he is okay AND he is still with you in e ergy form. Pay attention.
Stay connected with us, okay? We all fell in love with that sweet Fred and want to hear more about AND see more pictures!!!
Sending love to you and your boyfriend
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
I wasn't expecting it to keep getting worse, but I think you're right.. I manage to stay okay as long as I keep myself distracted with work,etc, but as soon as I'm alone tears start pouring.
I know we have to live through this, but.. I just feel like I have no purpose anymore. Some suggest getting another dog.. I don't really have an intention of doing that in the near future -- I know that wouldn't be the right thing to do, I know I need time to heal, and that I can't really replace Fred, who he was as an individual.
I was wondering if maybe it's a good idea to go volunteer at a shelter? I'm a little reluctant, considering my emotional state.. wondering if I can actually handle it. I've had dogs most of my life, but one a time, and after the first dog which I got when I was 11 years old, the rest was not acquired intentionally, because I felt like I don't want to live through the heartache of loss again. But then I think of.. what if we didn't adopt Fred (my mom's initiative since she didn't want to be alone with my dad after I moved out and I took him after she passed away) who came from NYC kill shelter where over 90% of dogs are put down? And yes, all those other lonely pups in cages, they are not Fred, but they are special in their own way.. it just seems so selfish to not get as many as you can?
Fred wouldn't have liked this, he didn't like to share and he thought he was better than other dogs, possibly because he was always leashness and did whatever he wanted. He pretended he didn't care about other dogs and would barely pay attention to them, especially the exciteable ones, but then he would go and pee just outside the leash range if they were tied up at the cliff. He was a bit of a dick that way, but it made us love him even more.
Sorry, this probably belongs to a different topic now, but I don't know how these things work.
I lost my female, likely due to hemangiosarcoma, on Sunday. I didn't even know she was sick until she started acting a little funny on Sunday afternoon. This, for me, comes right after losing my male dog, Otis, to osteo at the beginning of September. Otis and Tess were a bonded pair - I had been looking for a new companion for Tess for about 2 weeks, and had gotten a good lead on Saturday. I am going to go ahead - either with adopting that specific dog, or potentially another bonded pair if any are available. But, I also know in my heart that it is absolutely the right decision and I am ready. You know if you are ready, and if you are not, I am inclined to think that volunteering at a shelter is not the best move for you right now. For now, just take time to grieve. You obviously cannot replace the love you had for Fred with another dog. The void that they leave in our lives when they pass is enormous. I woke up this morning to the sound of rain and my first thought was that Tess wouldn't want to go outside because it was raining. When I get home from work, no one greets me at the door. I frequently go to open the back door to let the dogs out or to feed the dogs, and then remember that I don't have any dogs anymore. I am a blubbering mess most of the time, and the loss of both dogs, so close together, is almost overwhelming. When you are ready for a new dog, or to volunteer at a shelter, you will know and it will seem to be the right, natural decision. Until then, you just have to wait and work through the enormous sense of loss that you are feeling right now.
Otis - 106 pound lab/Dane mix, lost his right front leg to osteosarcoma on Febuary 9, 2016. Four rounds of carboplatin completed in April, 2016. Lung mets August 25, 2016. Said goodbye too soon on September 4, 2016. Lost his adopted sister, Tess, suddenly on October 9, 2016. likely due to hemangiosarcoma.
Wherever they are, they are together.
I am so sorry for your loss.. I can't imagine going through this twice in such a short period of time..
I was anticipating that Fred was not going to be with me for long for overy a week before it happened, so there was nothing in me that would forget that he's gone.. It's just an everpresent void. I suspect it's different when the loss is sudden and your brain still needs to go through the whole greiving process. I am so sorry..
Every loss I had to deal with was from cancer and was anticipated. Somehow I always thought that it would be easier if it were sudden, to not have to grieve while someone is alive, to not have to watch them decline, but I guess that means there is a lot more to process afterwards.
Sorry, I'm not being very comforting, but I feel like there isn't really much there that is comforting during this time, perhaps, only that you are not alone with your pain.
No, no kne here is alone with their pain. Our words can't make it go away, but they can let you kniw we understand. They can let you know that, for those of us who have been there, you are not going crazy and you will not be stuck in this silent dark void forever. Although, it feels like it right now.
It doesn't matter how our dogs cross over...slow decline or sudden...it all hurts. There's no way to make a comparison of one with another, a loss of a loved one hurts no matter what.
Right now your world has stopped. You wonder how everyone else can continue on with their day to day routines while you are in a zone of nothingness. It's "normal" to feel like you have no purpose. You are sooo empty inside...broken and empty. It's " normal"'to not even care whether you have a purpose or not.
You clearly have a huge heart. Your Fred, even though he was your Mom's dog, was meant to be with you. You understood him. You accepted his "uniqueness". I had to chuckle avout your description of him marking his territory right in fro t of other dogs at the end of their leash. What a character!!
There's one thing I remind myself everytime my heart breaks when o e of my dog translations. If someone told me they could take my sadness and grief away instantly...but it means I never would have had them in my life....would I make that trade off? NEVER!!! The joy of having them jn our lives far outweighs the sadness when they leave...eventually.
I actually think it would be a good idea tot check out helping at a shelter or rescje. There are many places you coukd go o ce or twice a week and walk tbe dogs or help take them to adoption events. I, for one, could not live without a connection with dogs, nor would I want to. There is noooo waaay you cannot be around a dog and smile, even in the depths of grief and despair.
Helping out at a rescue while you help some sweet dog have a moment of joy because you care and because you are there for them will help you heal. Oh the waves of grief will co e for a long time...probably forever. But they will haplen less a d less asa happy memories of Fred co e to the forefront. Happy memories like you shared today.
Thank you for posting today and, like Christine, being honest about your pain. Believe it or not, it does help to share your hurt with those who care and understand.
And thank you for sharing more about Fred. We all just fell in love all over again! So please snare more!! And more photos to his album too!
Have you had any signs yet from Fred? Okay, call me crazy, but I REALLY do think Fred has a dog already picked out for you. Fred will send him tonyou when he decides it's the right time...not necessarily when you decide! 🙂
Love and hugs to you...lots of both
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Give yourself a chance to grieve. How many days of Fred's almost 13 years did he spend with you? He only crossed 7 days ago so of course it is still devastating.
I have been told that life changing decisions should not be made for a year after a significant loss. I'm not sure I agree with a year, but I do think it is wise to wait until you feel yourself a little more clear headed before making commitments.
You are not under any obligation to work at a shelter or adopt another dog. Your job now is to allow yourself to grieve your loss. When and if the time is right another pup will wander into your life. There is no set timeline, I adopted Obie just 5 weeks after Tri-pug Maggie crossed because I thought her little sis Tani needed a companion. It was 8 months after Tani passed before Elly joined our little pack.
Keep writing here about your feelings, it may help to clarify things for you.
Karen and Spirit Maggie
Tri-pug Maggie survived a 4.5 year mast cell cancer battle only to be lost to oral melanoma.
1999 to 2010
Honestly, I am not sure if sudden v. gradual makes a difference in grieving. I am actually happy that both dogs had a great quality of life right up until they died, and that the end of life decision was medically obvious. I am not sure that Tess could have handled the repeated vet visits if we had known about her cancer. But because Otis did have the amp. and chemo, his life was extended almost as long as her's so they could be together. Either way, it's hard.
Otis - 106 pound lab/Dane mix, lost his right front leg to osteosarcoma on Febuary 9, 2016. Four rounds of carboplatin completed in April, 2016. Lung mets August 25, 2016. Said goodbye too soon on September 4, 2016. Lost his adopted sister, Tess, suddenly on October 9, 2016. likely due to hemangiosarcoma.
Wherever they are, they are together.
Thank you for everyone's responses..
I do agree that I should not get another dog any time soon and I do think I need a significant amount of time to grieve. Definitely absolutely agree that life changing decisions should not be made in this state. I just thought if I go and play with some shelter dogs it would maybe help us both. I think something like fostering is probably a bad idea, because it is much more of a commitment.. As Sally said.. it is hard to be miserable when you're surrounded by dogs.
And another thing Sallie said -- yes I absolutely agree that as much as it sucks now, it is absolutely worth is. There are no regrets except maybe those times I didn't do as much as I could, when I didn't get up early enough to take him for a longer walk before work, but I know I did a lot and I gave up a lot to give him a good life. There is still guilt, but I guess it's unavoidable..
Funny thing is, we got messages from several of our friends asking us to adop their dogs, because they don't feel like they can/want to take care of them, suggesting I would do a much better job... Sometimes (or possibly much more often than that) I really hate people.
Re signs from Fred.. unfortunately I'm as atheist as they come and I really do believe that once you're gone, you are truly gone, so even if I'm wrong, I am still not very likely to interpret something as a sign.. I also think if it were Fred's will, I would not have another dog ever, he really wanted to be the only one for me and he was. Although, of course, we will never really know what goes on in their furry heads.
Here's a Recent photo of Fred
Well I waited 2 months to get Jasper Lily after Shelby passed and it was tough. I didn't love her at first (and I don't really even think she liked me). I did try and volunteer at shelters to be around dogs - bigger dogs that didn't look like Shelby at all. It was ok.
What ultimately made me start looking 2 months later was the silence in my home ... I couldn't handle it. With my heart still shattered, I opened the doors up to Jasper and I think it gave me a purpose.
Everyone is different and it was a good year before I really came to LOVE jasper ... don't get me wrong, I liked her and thought she was a sweet and smart little dog but our bond wasn't secure. It was like I was keeping her at arm's length to protect my heart but don't you know ... I have fallen head over heals for this little dog. I still feel Shelby with me, guiding me and helping me be a better dog mom.
I am definitely a work in progress as I look at 2 1/2 years without my soul mate/dog but it gets better. But be kind to yourself. Be with friends, family, your local support system. And us of course too! I found coming back here very cathartic and I think it keeps Shelby's spirit alive!
Hugs and love ...
alison with Spirit Shelby in her heart (and little jasper too)
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Love that picture of Fred! He's quite distinguished looking! He may not like me saying this, but he looks quite cuddly too!
You were clearly his favorite human of all times. I think that is a very special bond!
The ittle snippets you share into Fred's personality are so much fun to learn about. We airways look forward to hearing more.
Yeah, thirteen years, day in and day out for thirteen years, when we love hard and long we grieve so very hard and long.
Sending hugs and love...
Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Allison, I know what you mean. We got Fred 2.5 years after my first dog passed away and that almost felt like it was too soon, but then you get to know each other, you share experiences, you develop a bond.. I think it took a while for it to feel like love. I don't think there is anything wrong with it not being love at first sight, which is not based in reality anyway..
Fred was very cuddly, it was one of his favorite things, besides eating maybe. He enjoyed being hugged and would just kind of lean and press into you when he was making himself comfortable in our bed, usually right in the middle of it all stretched out, trying to take up as much space as possible.. My boyfriend is equally cuddly (much more so than me) and they always used to nap together. I'm sure he misses that a lot, espcially now that I've withdrawn from the world.
Thank you, Sally, it does help to talk about the positive memories.
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