Christine, to be dealing with the loss of Otis and Tess so close together, and under such unexpected and sudden circumstances, is a brutal kind of grief that no one should ever have to endure. Ever!! I wish somehow the heartbreak and overwhelming grief we feel with you, could somehow lessen yours. At the very least, give you some sort of reprieve for thirty seconds, or ten seconds...but we know it can't. But we thank you for posting and being honest with your what you are going through. We care so deeply.

It takes a different kind of courage sometimes to share feelings when your heart is almost literally shattered into a million pieces. It's especially difficult for anyone who is strong and independent and very capable of handling whatever life throws their way. It's also a selfless and compassionate act when someone opens their shattered heart and shares a gut wrenching experience like you are dealing with. We all need each other at a time like this. Together we can get through this.

You have described what you are dealing with on a moment to moment basis with the void, the break in routine, so eloquently and with such basic simplicity. The silence, the emptiness. The reminders of what was used by Tess just days ago. Most of us didn't move a thing for quite awhile. I would still fill Happy Hannah's food bowl for days and days because it made me still feel.....I don't know...still feel like she was still "here".

Your observation about the ashes is something I've noticed too when the "urns" seem to vary in size..and not necessarily in accordance with what I would have expected based on the size of my pups.
I did find some comfort in having their ashes back home with me where they belong.

With love

Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie