Alison,

My daughter is named "Alyssa," and she's now out of college and has flown from the nest.

That doesn't stop me from absent-mindedly calling (or referring to) my little Westie as "Alyssa" from time to time! hahaha

((((hugs))))xxxx from Nancy & Susie

Deb,

You've just hit on another reason why this grief of ours can hurt so much--so many humans in our lives don't understand why we're in so much pain. It's perfectly acceptable to mourn for a long time for a spouse or parent or best (human) friend, but so many people don't understand why our hearts are broken when our beloved furry family members (AND best friends) die. They turn away from our tears.

All of us in this group certainly DO understand, as we've all moved heaven and earth to try to keep our babies here with us longer.

((((hugs))))xxxx from Nancy & Susie

I just found Rene's email (in my spam - UGH!) where she sent me my most favorite picture of my Zeus and the link to this discussion. Our boys are certainly working in mysterious ways because I've been very reflective of my boy lately and missing his calming force. He was and still is my rock. 

First and foremost, I am so very sorry for your loss. There are just no words to describe this pain - only those of us that have gone through it can understand and I remember it...I can still feel it if I allow myself to go there, but I don't because I know Zeusy wouldn't want that. I focus on all my wonderful memories, all the amazing lessons he taught me and when I need him most...need his strength (because our tripawds are so incredibly strong!) he still comes to me in spirit...I feel it and at times, I've seen the swish of that long blond tail - just for an instant...and then I feel peace. Amazing that one soul can do that for another.

I grieved for a year. Every single day for one year...I cried. I started to lose my hair because the grief was so intense. I couldn't find my happy place again when I had so much else in my life to be happy about! It was the most difficult thing I've gone through. My relationship with Zeus was so much more than just an owner and a pet. He was my child...my first born and he went through hell and back with me and I with him. Can a dog be a soulmate to a human? Absolutely! 

It's been almost 6 1/2 years and I still carry his collar in my purse (along with his brother's) and their leashes are still in my Tahoe. They both crossed the bridge in the back of the Tahoe I bought for them on nights with full moons (a year and a half apart). My Tahoe has well over 100,000 miles on it, but I cannot bring myself to trade it in. I will drive it until it drops. I have their bowls, their paw prints, their fur and their toys. At 41, I got my first tattoo which is Zeus's paw print shrunk down to fit on the inside of my ankle...then one for Buddy. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever get a tattoo. Now I can't imagine not having these paw prints forever with me. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to grieve how you need to grieve and be kind, gentle and loving with yourself during this time. Not everyone grieves the same way or in the same amount of time and not everyone understands. Talking with this community was/is a life saver - I don't know how I would have gotten through all of it - the initial shock, the decision about surgery, surgery, chemo, etc...without tripawds...without Jim and Rene. 

These are all definitely signs that your boy is trying to send you...he's trying to comfort you - trying to tell you he is happy and free - no more pain. I still have the candle that Martha made me. I still have everything that relates to Zeus and Buddy too. This is what makes us who we are. The pain does subside - I promise. One day you do stop crying all the time. One day you smile and laugh at the memories. Then out of the blue a wave hits. But it passes. It just takes time to heal, but you do heal...but you never, ever forget for they will always be a part of you...a part of your life's journey and for that, I'm eternally grateful. I would have rather had all the years and the love I had with Zeus...and the pain at the end...than not have had him at all. 

I hope this helps a little bit. I hope you find comfort from this amazing community and eventually find peace knowing that he is still with you in spirit. 

Hugs and prayers,

Heather

Zeusy's Mom (too)