Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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I was just wondering, for those of us who have lost our tripawds, or any dog for that matter.... even weeks, months, and years after they leave us... are you triggered into grief by unexpected things?
There are some things that are obvious that trigger just about everyone to be depressed as hell about it. As you know, I lost Taylor on April 14. His 11th birthday would have been yesterday. We also used to celebrate the birthday of our other dog ( who we lost to osteosarcoma last July... yes... 2 within 9 months of each other, same disease. I'm just lucky) the same day. This was depressing enough for obvious reasons. This is their first birthday we've experienced without either of them. In fact as far as we knew, at this time last year I had 2 healthy, happy, wonderful dogs. My really rough trigger is that at PetSmart my family is signed up for PetPerks. One of the perks is that if you write your pet's birthday on the sign-up sheet, you get birthday cards and coupons for toys when that date rolls around. I got both of theirs in the mail the other day. I'm not offended...they couldn't know they died. But it just made me feel sooooooooo much worse! Anyone else have similar problems?
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Oh Smeepers, I can't believe you lost two dogs to the same illness. Damn this cancer!
You brought up such a good, and tough, question for people.
My own experiences with grieving, for both human and canine, is that it takes a lot of time to heal. What you are experiencing is completely normal and part of the process. At first, so many things will trigger sadness and rememberance of a hard time that you had to experience. Gradually, though, triggers like this will be easier to handle, and you will be able to turn the sadness around to enable yourself to remember all of the happy occasions you celebrated with your furry family members. Allow yourself time to grieve, to experience the feelings that are all so natural. In your own time, things will get easier.
We are thinking of you and sending lots of love.
Jerry
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
Hi, Dee here... Mommy just want to add that she has lost one of her babies (Kitten called Ashanti) last year Feb. Even now whenever she sees a black cat or sees Ashanti's red collar in her jewellery box, she gets tears in her eyes...
Our furry friends become part of our family - we love and treat them the same way we would love and treat a child / family member and that is why it is so painful when they leave... Small reminders of them bring back the memories of them and your heart stops for that second and you feel the loss all over again... Well, that is how mommy describes it.
Our thoughts are with you.
Lotsa licks and lotsa love, Dee xxx
Hi smeepers,
I do know where you're coming from, am also feeling quite raw since Lalla's passing on June 2. Grieving is period of intense emotions I think, and they can get triggered off by the smallest of things. But I think the best thing to do is to let one's walls down; the thing that happens to me is that while I'm crying, I'm obviously thinking of Lalla, so I will end up laughing or smiling.
All the best
This is my second attempt to reply. I quitted last night after half a paragraph into it cause my eyes were blurred with tears.
Routines I have insisted on keeping are triggers. New routines I have revamped are triggers cause they are so new, so unfamiliar.
Her stuff which still lying around the house are triggers. Bare hardwood floorings without slip-proof rugs is a trigger.
Saying "nite nite Genie" without her sleepy eyes looking back is a trigger.
Getting home after a long day without her welcoming me is a trigger.
Visiting Jerry's site is a trigger; not visiting at all is also a trigger cause I would be wondering how all other tripawd babies have been doing.
I might laugh once in a while when I think of the silly things she did, but every single time crying in tears follows because I am being brought back to reality that she is not here to share the laughters with me. I miss her so much.
Each second of my consciousness is a trigger.
Quote from "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis ...
"Sorrow becomes a process and not so much a state of mind."
“Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape . . . not every bend does. Sometimes the surprise is the opposite one; you are present with exactly the same sort of country you thought you had left behind miles ago. That is when you wonder whether the valley isn’t a circular trench. But it isn’t. There are partial recurrences, but the sequence doesn’t repeat.”
That is a beautiful quote, Jessie, thank you for sharing it with us.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I feel you, genie. I knew it wasn't just me... but hearing specific examples that hit home really made me feel less alone. Losing 2 dogs in 8.5 months, especially to the same disease... I feel like I have twice as many triggers. I've been doing well with it, but having their birthdays this week made it hit me hard. That, and today is the 2 month anniversary of Taylor leaving us. With this latter anniversary I'm finally taking the wee step of "moving on" in that I've finally taking Taylor's picture off the background of my phone and replacing it with my new doggie who I've had for a month and a half. Even with having a new fuzzy guy, I still felt almost blasphemous removing Taylor's picture. I still can't bring myself to change my name and picture on myspace.
Hello Smeepers, just wanted to let you know that my mommy sometimes feel the sadness of losing Rex. Rex was her previous cocker spaniel that was part of her life for 13 wonderful years. He got old and sick and she had to let go of him like 11yrs ago (same year she adopted me after losing Rex). My brother Lance is also a cocker spaniel that looks very much like Rex but his personality is much different. Although he is not Rex sometimes he will do things that my mom will get confused and call him Rex (after 11yrs) then she realizes that oooopppps it is not Rex but Lance. So don't feel any guilt about still having your babies in your heart. They will be there for the rest of your life. My mommy still has Rex's ashes saved in a very special place. She also has photos of him along with all of our...and she also keeps a very special one on her car sunvisor. Every morning she gets in the car and thanks God for another day and then gives Rex's a smooch and tells him she loves him. He is still very much part of her life and has a special spot in her heart. Doesn't mean she loves any of us less. Life will go on and you will start to learn how to cope with those triggers, but they will always be there, they just get better to handle.
Lots of licks....
Kellie
I relaized today there will always be a reminder, and that they will offer me a myriad of sensations, and I honestly am going to welcome them without even thinking.
I really was moved by the CS Lewsi quote, Genie, thank you. At this point I would like to share something I heard singer/musician Ben Harper say about Motown music - that it had offered his father so much hope and optimism - so Lalla and I had our little Motown dance routine when the mood struck us (Lalla named the dance "Twirl, Twirl, Tummy Rub".) I've loaded my MP3 player with as much Motown as I could find - and this morning people on the bus must've thought I was a real loon, crying laughing and doing a little step, so all together now:
Now if you feel that you can't go on (can't go on)
Because all of your hope is gone (all your hope is gone)
And your life is filled with much confusion (much confusion)
Until happiness is just an illusion (happiness is just an illusion)
And your world around is crumbling down, darlin
Reach out come on girl reach on out for me
Reach out reach out for me
I'll be there with a love that will shelter you
I'll be there with a love that will see you through
That's quite a good song for this forum, don't you think?
lalla, moderator said:
That’s quite a good song for this forum, don’t you think?
Indeed. Y'all can reach on out for me anytime.
One point of clarification ... the lyrics are from Reach Out I'll Be There
by Michael McDonald, not Ben Harper. Below is a selection of beautiful songs from both artists that you can sample and download from Amazon for just 99¢ each.
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
I say Ben Harper or Michael McDonald....DAWLING REACH OUT, REACH OUT.....WHOOOOOO. I'll be there to give all of you the love and support you need.....AUUUUUUUU! now you all got me singing and shaking my hips.
LOVE ALL OF YOU........lots of licks. I was missing the site and my friends so much. I sure hope that my Mom doesn't get in a workaholic mood again and makes us go M.I.A. again.
Kellie
Oh Jessie - you brought me to tears tonight...though I have not felt the grief yet that you (all) have experienced, I know that one day it will come and because I share the feelings, love, devotion and connection with my guys that you all feel with yours...every one of you have touched my heart deeply and I wish I could reach out through the computer and give you all a hug and tell you how much we love you (Zeus, Buddy and I).
It's truly amazing to me how humans can reach out to one another with a common experience/heartbreak and feel these sort of feelings and share them. Jerry, once again my heartfelt gratitude for providing us with the means to do so.
The only thing that I would even be able to suggest is to feel the feelings...don't supress them and don't deny them. I have been able to get through the difficult times in my life because I have forced myself to go through the pain, the sadness, the anger and the grief (and how difficult it is to do)...Acceptance is at the end...eventually.
We are here for you. I know you know that.
All our love
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
Something beautiful that happened today: my eighty-young mother, who has lived with dogs since day 1 (you can read about her doggy heritage here) and who has really been rather unwell since Lalla’s passing, told me today, when the floods began to rise: “let Lalla rest, you’re upsetting her.”
Thank you Mummy
Wow - that is really profound and thought provoking. Thank you for sharing with us.
They don't like to see us upset in life, but at last they are able to comfort us because they are physically here...I'm sure when they are in heaven and not able to comfort us physically that they feel our pain. What a concept.
Get some rest...I wish you peace.
Love,
Heather
Heather and Spirit Zeus - Our life changing journey…from the earth to the heavens…one day at a time…always together
16 months later … I still insist on making everything belonged to Genie stays as they had been.
I wanted to do something constructive today. It turned out that staining the deck was brutally heart wrenching.
As I kneeled down for each stroke, I could see marks, scrapes, dents, all created by her athletic paw-works, jumping off the deck, chasing after her favourite kong, running back up the stairs, jumping off again.
I touched them one by one, felt them with my fingers, wanted to remember the feeling, the touch of every single one of them.
Then two hours later, it was still the same deck, but a new look, or rather, a foreign look.
Oh gosh, it still hurts!
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