Hello everyone.

Hard to believe that 5.5 years ago I found this amazing place seeking information about how to prepare my life for a 3 legged dog overcoming cancer. And now, I have come full circle. I'm here to let you all know that the time has come to say goodbye to my beloved Chloe.

Many of the doggie medical decisions I've faced over the years have been fairly straightforward.  Cancerous tumor, take the leg. 2nd cancerous tumor, aggressive surgery to remove it (and never grew back). 3rd cancerous tumor, let it be. But this decision has been devastating. Even after all this time, I'm still the one who has to decide.

Chloe has fought to live life to the fullest, with as much love and spirit as possible.  After 14 years and 10 months, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that she's the kind of dog who will never give up/check out unless I wait far too long... to the point where I would regret not making the decision sooner.

Years ago, I promised Chloe that I would never be that person. I promised I would never let her suffer unnecessarily. So here I am, making the hard decision.

While I had originally prepared myself for early next year, I've had to consider the following and ultimately decided a few weeks wouldn't be better for her or for me:

• Tumor: This one is on her neck and it has grown ~50% larger over the past year since discovery/diagnosis.  I have no regrets deciding to leave it be.
• Mobility: being 3 legged and arthritic, her independent mobility has diminished greatly over the past year.  While she can hobble around the house (and still climbs up on the couch ), she requires ALOT of assistance on walks to go to the bathroom. When she does hobble around, she increasingly gets fatigued and sits down waiting for rescue.
• Heart Murmur: Diagnosed with grade 4/5 heart murmur (moderate/severe) 2 years ago. While she does not require medication for it, it's a degenerative condition and will only continue to worsen.
• Weight: She's always been a picky eater, but even with consuming a little less than "normal", she has lost ~5lbs over the past year. And for a dog that's always been slim, it shows.  Not sure if this is due to her age or unknown internal tumor/cancer things.
• Incontinence: She's more frequently having "sleep poops" even with outside time and walks before/after work. Furthermore, she is having more poop accidents in the house when we are gone. We never scold her, we understand its age related, but we still always have about 15 towels laid around the house for those accidents. Somehow she's very good at aiming her deuces not on the towels...

Why its devastating:

• Things she still loves ALOT: going for walks, meeting people, meat/treats (yes we spoil her with bacon), going in the car, and she still throws the biggest doggie ticker tape parade every time we come home. 

Ultimately, she's got the mind and spirit, but no longer the body.  And while some of the aforementioned considerations have their good days, she is steadily declining. Mostly its heartbreaking that I am powerless to do anything to reverse the downward spiral. It's part of life.

***

This morning I called an in home pet euthanasia service (referred to by family friend) and scheduled an appointment for Dec 27, 2015 at 3pm PST.  As explained on their website and by the vet,

special medications are used to sedate your pet prior to giving the final injection. The sedatives are chosen to suit your pet's special circumstances, including species, age, weight, and type of illness. These drugs are administered by a first injection which alleviates pain, causes relaxation, and is often accompanied by a deep anesthetic sleep.

After your pet is very sedate, usually soundly asleep, a final injection is given. This final injection is an overdose of yet another sedative. The overdose results in a painless and peaceful passing.

and that's all I want for her. A peaceful passing.

And for anyone wondering about the cost (which is of no consequence to me considering I didn't want to traumatize her by taking her to the vet, given she always walks out with less of her each time, please feel free to laugh at this joke, aka. she lost a leg, lost a tumor...my attempt at tripawd humor right now), it is:

• $350 for the in home service. They bring everything, do all aftercare, and contact primary vet.
• $230 for individual cremation.
• $20 for pawprint (though I'm heading to craft store to get a "kid handprint kit" to also do a 3 legged plaster paw print preserve.

For any of you wondering about my emotional state, right now, I'm actually OK. But Wednesday night/Thursday morning, I had panic attacks, I was hyperventilating, crying to/from during work...I was grieving even though she was right there.  I was missing the point.

Today I've woken up with more clarity about what is important.  I get to PLAN to say goodbye. And I get to say goodbye because her body is giving out from old age and NOT because ANY of the other cancer tumors have taken over to the point of no return. It's a win. It's all I could have hoped for.

We still have ~10 days to spoil her, love her, cuddle her, laugh and play with her.  I plan on running errands (with Chloe) to go do fun things, say goodbye to important pawsons in her life, buy some STEAK and other treats, and plan what will be the most doggie fun Christmas week ever.

Though I'm not happy about the fact I do have to say goodbye, I am happy she's here with me right now. And more importantly, I know she's happy with me here right now.  

Chloe is hands down the best friend I have ever had the pleasure of spending the last 14 years and 10 months with.

Three cheers to a warrior princess (as we call it here on Tripawds)!