Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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running into people that didn't/don't know ... someone at my gym asked me today how my "little dog" was doing and I lost it. I had been doing so well - hibernating, grieving, processing - I didn't anticipate that. And of course, got the usual - "she had such a great life" and "she was older" and "you did everything for her".... true. but it doesn't make it easier.
I keep waiting to wake up from all of this. But sadly, this is my new reality. I spent last night going through her old photos to prepare for my video and watching old videos of her and looking for signs that something was amiss, that I could have known what was yet to come.... Some friends of mine who have lost their pets have told me they look back on old photos/videos and FINALLY see what everyone else saw, an older dog that was struggling but I have seen none of that in Shelby... she was truly a fighter till the very end and I am so proud of her.
almost one month ... I am trying to focus o the happy stuff but right now, it seems, that the last days really go into my mind and I re-live those last conversations with her vets when we were making the end of life decisions for her. Sadness ... utter sadness and I do long for the weekend when I am happy to be in our home and not sleeping my life away. But if that is what my body wants, I am going to give it = because I don't see the harm, right?
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Oh, that is so hard, having to explain to someone who has not heard yet. The worst! Sleep is not a real problem, I like the fact that I don't think when I sleep. Today, I went nowhere. I should have gone to the store, but just could not get my butt in gear. Some of my kids were home this weekend , but they were only home for an hour today and then left for home. My husband left this morning also. He has worked all day.I have sort of puttered around all day, just doing little things. I too have looked at photos, trying to see that " something" that I missed. Even up until right before Christmas, I did not think it was anything really more than an injury that we were not treating correctly. I have figured out that there is no easy way to do this. It hurts! I am hoping and believing for all of us, that the good, happy memories will eventually outshine the yucky, end, cancer ones. I think that because those are the last ones, they are just the freshest in our minds. Our lives basically revolved around care taking and then, suddenly our worlds shifted. Sending Love, Lori and. Ty Guy
TY GUY, Best Black Lab ever! Diagnosed and had amp in January, 2014. Kicked MRSA's butt. Earned his angel wings on April 16, 2014. Run Free my boy and don't forget a shoe. Ty is a proud member of the " April Angels". Ty sent us Daryl, a Tripawd rescue in Sept. of 2016. Daryl is 5 +or -. We are also Pawrents to Chandler, a Border Collie mix who is 15 and 1/2, Lucy, a Corgi who is 7, 2 minis, 2 horses, and a feisty cat named Zoe. Zoe had a non skeletal Osteosarcoma removed in July 2015. No Chemo, she was at least 16. She is going strong although she is now completely blind. She is now close to 20 and her hobbies are eating and sleeping in front of her personal heater.
Alison, I guess this was a great time to check in with the forum........I am still hiding from the universe myself. Yesterday, I had the same experience with a good friend not knowing about Polly, same thing happened, I lost it. I am coming up on 3 months, and still feels like yesterday for me, so I do get what you are feeling. There is NO amount of time, that will EVER take away all the pain we are having, but time will somewhat soften the harsh reality of our loss. It will.......and you are right, Shelby was a true warrior princess fighter to the end, just like my Polly, and Happy Hannah, and so many other fur babies that gave it their all till the very end, especially since the start of this year. I wish for all of us, that there was some magic pill that would make the pain, sadness, and lifelessness go away, but I haven't found one yet. I also believe we all have to get through this no matter how that may be....sleeping it away, drinking lots of wine, crying everyday, whatever, sooner or later, we will realize that we did manage to survive our terrible heartache. Coming here and unloading all the feelings we have, sometimes helps more than we realize, too, so if that is what helps, keep doing that as well. I am glad you can share all your pain here, I have a lot of difficulty doing that, and it would probably help me a great deal to do it.
No matter what, we are all here to listen to you, and help in whatever way we can......
Keeping you in my heart everyday,
Love,
Bonnie & Angel Polly
Grieving is such a personal and individual process. There isn't some magic time formula for it. When you lose a fur baby it is so difficult, especially when you have treasured the moments that you have had together. Give yourselves the freedom to grieve your loss- sleep - sure. Take extra good care of yourself. You were the care taker now you need to be cared for. Let others in to help you. It will probably always hurt some, but on'y shows you what a great love you had in your life. Don't be afraid of losing it. It happens when you are grieving. You will look for the signs or the signals until either you find them or they don't seem to matter as much. Loving so much makes us who we are and healing does come. Thinking of you at this time.
Cheryl and Zach
Alison, I can say that for me doing the video triggered a whole lot of sadness and anger in me (and its been 4 months). I think I cried for 24 hours straight. I read in one of your other threads too about running and I have a love hate relationship with running, the hate part being that it forces me to spend too much time in my head. I don't know what it is about running, but neither swimming nor cycling does that to me. Grieving for everyone is different. I had a revelation last week when I completely broke down about my Jake. We can NOT let cancer take something from us it doesn't deserve. Its hard I know, trust me I know, but we can't let the cancer invade our memories. The cancer is gone, our pups are FREE from it forever. The only thing cancer can do now is try to dig its ugly claws in our memories. Shelby's last days were only a tiny piece of her life. She had so many years filled with so much more.She wants you to remember the dates at the coffee shop and the fun times at the beach. Shelby wants you to remember her THAT way.
Lots of HUGS to you.
Mom to Tripawd Angels Jake (2001-2014) and Rosco (2012-2015) and Tripawd Tanner. “Whatever happens tomorrow, we had today; and I'll always remember it”
Thank you everyone ... it's been a process and there is no road map which I think is what makes me crazy! If I knew what was coming, then I could prepare but alas, I can not ... I did find going through the photos made me happy and not sad. What a life she led. Truly. That is why I want to / plan to keep up her blog and tell her story. She had experiences most dogs could only dream of.... I miss our happy hours/coffee dates/beach time ...it's hot here and I wanted to get out but w/out Shelby ... going to happy hour alone just isn't fun. 
But I will get there.
@ Cheryl - someone said that to me too ... I was a caregiver for so long that I do feel lost / aimless w/out that role. That which bonds all of us w/in this community is also that can stop us in our tracks. It is a weird feeling (still) to not have to rush home, be at home, come home after work - there is almost TOO much freedom (especially as I said to someone yesterday, I could leave and no one would notice).
But it's still soon... and there will be ups and downs and I will continue to heal. It won't be easy and my heart is forever changed and I never know what will set me off but I am grateful that this support allows me to offer my steady stream of consciousness and perhaps nutty ideas ... but I did sleep 1/2 my day away and feel like a grandma in that if it wasn't light out, i would go to bed now! 
Hugs and hugs !!!
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Whitney
How's your little buddy doing today? Dying for an update on him!
Alison
I'm sorry you're feeling so whipped. It'd definitely hard, I know. I see you as a pretty disciplined and together woman and I also think you're pretty objective, even about yourself. Given that, I have confidence you'll get where you need to be when the time is right for you. That's it, I got nothing else for you. Lol. How I wish I did! I do want you to know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and sending you positive healing energy.
I'm also wondering, do you find yourself feeling bad or scared if you go a stretch without thinking about Shelby?
Bonnie
I'm so glad to see your post. You've been on my mind and I was actually going to PM you if you didn't turn up soon. It's ok to hide from the universe - whatever you need to heal. I'm just saying this Earthly creature (me) was starting to worry about you. Wishing you healing thoughts as well.
Paw love to all of you!
Claudia and Angel Jersey Girl
cbcool said
Alison
I'm sorry you're feeling so whipped. It'd definitely hard, I know. I see you as a pretty disciplined and together woman and I also think you're pretty objective, even about yourself. Given that, I have confidence you'll get where you need to be when the time is right for you. That's it, I got nothing else for you. Lol. How I wish I did! I do want you to know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and sending you positive healing energy.
I'm also wondering, do you find yourself feeling bad or scared if you go a stretch without thinking about Shelby?
I so appreciate the Tripawd world thinking I am stronger than I give myself credit for, that I am disciplined, that I am going to pull through this. I doubt myself daily - and as I come up on one month and find myself reliving (no matter what I do to shut it off) the last weekend and then last 48 hours I held my baby in my arms, I find myself right back to the first days of the grief. I almost drove to the animal hospital this a.m. - autopilot - it's on my way to work and I almost missed the exit on the freeway to go north instead of east. I close my eyes and I see/hear the last days we were together. I have no regrets. No doubts. Only sadness. I feel peaceful that I did all for her but also terribly sad.
I lied yesterday - when I went to put together a video montage, I literally could not stop sobbing - Elizabeth - you were so right!!!
But part of it was happy tears (and then I had to stop because I couldn't breathe) but OMG .. what a life she led.
Claudia - I haven't gone a stretch w/out thinking about Shelby yet but I remember that feeling from when I lost my father - it scared me and I forced myself into thinking about him. Shelby is in my mind all the time but I know that day will come. I think what worries me the most is when I don't feel as sad as I should or when I feel a glimmer of hope or happiness. I have basically taken one full month to mourn and I fully plan to come out of my shell in my other social world (FB, Twitter, etc) tomorrow and strive to live again. It is what Shelby would want for me ...
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
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