I have not been able to bring myself to log-on, or to read about the disease that took my boy from me. It's been almost 5 full months since Remy left us and I miss him everyday. My mind goes through it all ....the first diagnosis....the amputation....the second found cancer.....the pain control...reading everything I could get my hands on...trying every thing that sounded promising....homeopathic medicine....CBD oil...acupuncture...laser...prayers and prayers and prayers. Through it all, I was most grateful to everyone here on Tripawds.com  If I had it to do over again I would have taken Remy on road-trips. He loved to ride in the car with his head out the window. He loved going to new parks and trails. And even if he could not walk well after his amputation, he could run around for a short time and love life. Remy enjoyed people, all people. I should have taken him to Lowes or Home Depot and let him ride around on the big carts so he could wag his thick Lab tail at everyone in the store. We should have done every drive through....Dairy Queen, McDonalds, Wendy's and the Banks that give out dog treats. 

Sometime around Mother's Day, I was taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Remy always loved to get up on my bed and take a nap with me. He kept circling the bed that day, unable to get the courage to jump up on his now 3 weak legs. So I helped him up. I listened to him breath and snore and watched his chest move up and down. He would sigh and stretch and looked so very comfy. I reminded myself, remember this moment, stay away and just lie next to my big lovable Remy. I am so glad that I did because that memory is so vivid in my mind and it always brings me comfort. A few days later we had to say goodbye to him. The pain and the weakness had increased and I could not let my sweet boy suffer, not for one minute more than necessary. May 30th, we had to let him go. It's hard, so so hard, but not hard for him. Very easy and peaceful for him, Thank God. It was the last gift I could give to him. And I know that he does not want me to continue to cry. But, I am still trying. 

Today I went on the path where we walked Remy. We would take this path into a farm field and let him romp around. I go there to find him. I also go there and cry, where no one can hear me or see me. Let it all out. Call to him and tell him I miss you Remy. He lets me know that he hears me by sending those tiny yellow butterflies my way, or a rustle of leaves rush by me, or the sun pokes out from behind the clouds. It is a small glimpse into what I will find one day when I cross the bridge to see my boy Remy waiting there for me. How happy I will be on that day.

Having a rough day.

Remy's Mom