Back in February I went to see a psychic...something I never do.  But there was this Groupon for a place here in Boston and I decided why not.  I am not a big believer but I have been a few times over the years just for fun.  I sat down and shuffled the deck of cards and layed them out as she told me to.  Immediately she started telling me things that were spot on.  It was a little creepy.  At the end of the reading I asked if I could ask a question about my dog Tasha.  She shuffled the cards and we went through laying them out again.  She said, "Tasha isn't doing well.  She misses her friend and wants to be with him but she doesn't want to leave you until she knows you are okay."  She also said she saw the number 15. 

When Tasha's 15 month ampuversary approached and we went for x-rays I held my breath.  All clear!  Phew!  I started to think 15 years...she must mean 15 years old.  That would be another 5 years and I would be okay with that.  15 is a good age for a dog...especially one who survived osteosarcoma.  When suddenly Tasha took a nose dive and became very sick, I thought nothing of this conversation.  Until it came time to make the awful decision.  Every day she was getting worse not better.  Her breathing was rapid, she could barely walk and I was carrying her.  I knew I was being selfish but honestly I would have kept going on like that.  Deep down, as hard as it was, I knew she was suffering and I had to let her go.  I made the decision...Monday, July 15th.  And then it all hit me.  15!!!  Tasha missed her friend...Bailey, my Golden Retriever whom she loved to pieces and died almost 4 years ago.  She didn't want to leave me until she knew I was okay...I sold the house we lived in for 8 years and that I owned with my ex-husband and now I'm moving into a condo in Boston. 

But I am not okay...I miss my little girl every day and think about her all the time.  I know I had to let her go but it hurts.  She is the picture on my phone and there are reminders of her everywhere.  I hope she is with Bailey...driving him nuts, stealing his toys because she wanted whatever he had just because he had it, laying down on him or right next to him so they touched, pushing him aside when she wanted attention and he was the one getting it.  I hope my pups are together again.  It would make losing her a little easier.  

Oh and I didn't do it on the 15th...I dragged it out to July 17th.  Partly because I just couldn't do it and partly because I refused to let 15 be the number!