I joined this group when my dog Molly was diagnosed with bone cancer last December. After reading about what to expect and asking the obligatory post-surgery “Did I do the right thing…?!” questions, I’m sad to say I didn’t find myself coming back here much. That makes this time hurt worse now because I’m kicking myself for seemingly being cocky about her treatment/recovery and not “needing” community.

We had to say goodbye to Molly this past Wednesday. She recovers from her amputation beautifully. She completed chemo like a champ. She even received a clean bill of health 6 weeks ago. Cancer doesn’t care about any of that.

About two weeks ago she started having a some trouble getting around. We thought it was simply a strain like the last time when she went too hard after becoming newly tripawd. When rest didn’t help and it progressively got worse, we took her into the vet Monday 8/28. X-rays found new lesions on her ribs and likely in her neck which was compressing her spine and making it impossible to use her back legs. Only if we could get her pain at a manageable level could we consider surgery or cancer treatment. We spent two days trying to make her comfortable but each day was worse than the previous. She could barely lift her head to eat, and couldn’t reposition herself on the couch or go potty outside without our help. That combined with the fact that there was nothing to amputate or remove this time, and another round of chemo would have to be stronger with worse side effects, meant we had to make a horrible (for us) but compassionate (for her) decision and take away her pain.

We used an at-home service and she went peacefully in her favorite spot outside. The weather was overcast but quiet which seemed perfect for the mood we were all in. We’re grateful that she made it to her 8th birthday and that we got an extra 8 months of her. She was the most beautiful dog with the most soulful eyes and this will hurt for a long time. She was about to join the Yale bone cancer vaccine trial and I can’t help but think we waited too long to get her in. She also recently ran out of her Chinese herbs and supplements given by her rehab vet and the timing is spooky. I know it’s nothing WE did that caused her decline, but it’s easier to blame ourselves.

Please keep Molly Freckles in your thoughts. She was a once in a lifetime dog and I hope someday her loss hurts a little less.