I feel so badly posting here after not having visited in so long.   Everyone helped us so much when we were facing the amputation last summer.    I feel so badly because I stopped reading the forum because I was really getting consumed by the losses.  Now we are facing our own and here I come back looking for support.  I'm so sorry...

We have had a fabulous number of months with our sweet boy.  With all the great advice, he did so well post-op and for a giant older dog, learned to get around really well.  Linus also trained us to lift him on the higher furniture, retrieve his biscuits, drive him around in the back of our farm vehicle, bring him everything he needed...all the things a pawrent needs to learn.

Fast forward a horribly short amount of time to the end of February when we found a lump on his shoulder.   We kept tricking ourselves into thinking it was just a bug bite and would go away.  About a week later we had a needle aspiration and learned it was a tumor.   Again, we kept thinking it would be nothing to worry about, so off we went to UC Davis to have it removed and met with our fabulous oncologist, Dr. Rodriguez.   Before removing the tumor we did a chest x-ray and found the cancer had spread to his lungs.   We started in an arginine deiminaise trial last week in hopes it would slow his tumor growth.   We could tell he was getting weaker and by Wednesday of last week he couldn't use his hind leg to get around and was wobbly on his front legs.   I thought he was just tired from us going to Davis and must have injured himself.  We gave him lots of support to get around.   Warm compresses on his leg, gentle stretching, massage, Tramadol.  He wasn't eating well either and I switched to steak and chicken and rice and his much loved steamed carrots.   This past Sunday he seemed stressed and I realized his heart was racing.  Our local vet made a house call and said she thought he was in artrial fibrillation.   We rushed him back to Davis.  When we got to the ER his heart rate was over 250 and we got the cardiologist there.   We just couldn't bear that he was die in the busy hospital.  An ultrasound confirmed that the cancer is in his heart as well.    We were able to get his heart rate stabilized a bit and bring him home with some med.   Over the past few days he's eating less and less.  Today only a few laps of chicken broth.   He doesn't move much unless we pick him up to go potty.  He can't go far, but uses a big pee-pee pad near the front door.   

The doctors said he wasn't in pain and we don't want to give up.   He just hasn't eaten anything solid today.  Today was supposed to be our second round of the arginine deiminaise but I couldn't imagine taking him anywhere.   So now we are so heartbroken and so torn.   The only way to fight on would be to get him treatment, but we can't stand the thought of taking him anywhere.    We don't want to say goodbye, to quit, but we're so terrified that with every passing hour he might have a heart attack or stroke or start having difficulty breathing.   He's sleeping peacefully on our bed now.   Where he's always loved to be.   We had to lift him up to put him on the bed.

What to do ?  How can we make the right decision.   We have to keep leaving the room so he won't see us crying.  I want hope.   I want to have him go outside again and play.   I don't want to kiss him goodbye.   Please help.