Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Oh no you silly goose!! Not a "bad" persn at all!! In no way, way, shape or form did that even cross my mind! Absolutely NO judgement whatsoever! I was jist impressed with the way you articulated the different ways people grieve.
You did an excellent job inn sharingn how people grieve differenty and that was very helpful and insightful!! so thank you again for that.
Hugs to all...especially to you!
Sally and Happy Hannah
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
I think that is interesting. .. people do grieve differently. While I never want to forget shelby (and I don't think that is possible the ridiculous amount of photos and shrines in my living space(s)), I do know that I am emotionally shutting myself off to any other love. It's a pattern with me. I have an extremely hard time with trust in friendships, romantic relationships (thus why I am probably single) or in general. It probably stems from my father passing away when I was 22 and while he was ill off and on for over 7 years, since then, Shelby is really the first living entity that I have allowed myself to fully get close to and be vulnerable. I hadn't made that connection until your post today. So by closing off my heart, I can try and prevent any future pain ...
and that just bought me a trip back to a therapist! 🙂
All joking aside, we don't think your husband is a bad man at all ... he loves you. he loved Ty. It's different for everyone. A lot of my social network here think I am fine now that a month has passed but you all know that I am not. I 'protect' others (and myself a bit) from showing true sadness... It is unconscious. and people have a hard time with grief. I have really started to get the "when are you getting another dog" stuff which is mind boggling to me. These are from people who truly understand the pain of this loss but I think people want to see me share my love and joy.
and the eyes never lie ... I have been told on many an occasion right now I have lost the sparkle in my eyes. But this too shall pass...
Sending lots of love as always
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Oh my gosh, WHAT to say! Such powerful emotions and insight going on here. I'm very impressed.
LORI
I know what you mean. My Dad used to shut off like your husband, basically because he couldn't handle the raw emotion. It would tear him apart. We forget that it is still more "socially acceptable" for women to show emotion than men and, as a result of that, a lot of men just aren't used to gut wrenching emotional pain. It's overwhelming for anyone but if you've been through it before you know you'll live and things will get better. If you don't usually let yourself go to that deeply sad place, it must feel like the end of the world is upon us. Lol. I shouldn't laugh. In my opinion the hard thing is to honor yourself and what YOU need to live with yourself and heal, rather than deferring to what someone else needs. I used to always put my emotional needs aside because raw emotion upset my Dad so much. Needless to say, I WAS THE ONE who suffered not him!!
ALISON
Yes, yes, yes - oh how I can relate! My mother died when I was 17 and, like you, it was extremely crazy hard for me to trust and let my guard down with anyone - even friends! I got married for the first time at 47 and frankly, I'm pretty sure it never ever would have happened if I didn't meet someone who basically forced me to ride the wave. As soon as I started to feel really vulnerable in relationships, I'd bail out thinking it wasn't meant to be and there must be someone else out there who wouldn't make me feel that way. In the beginning I tried that with Gregg, several times in fact, but each time he chased me down and pretty much forced me to work through it - to ride the wave with him, so to speak. That was HARD, very hard. I had one therapist - the brilliant one who actually helped me - tell me that when someone under 25 loses a parent (apparently that's when your brain switches from child to adult), the brain processes the event as abandonment and the person ends up fearing that same type of loss in other relationships (intimate and non). I thought that was weird b/c I had a fabulous mom who never ever would have abandoned me. But after I learned that info, over time I realized the therapist was right and I was able to take baby steps towards overcoming those emotions in all my relationships. I still kind of suck at it but I'm a thousand times better than before. And I'm SURE the incredible pain I've felt losing Jersey Girl is all this stuff coming up all over again. The human mind is an incredible thing, is it not? I'm so glad there are people who study it and can shed light on our seemingly crazy inner-workings!
Much love to you both!
Claudia and Angel Jersey Girl
Wow, you guys just hit a nerve. I lost my mom at 16, so I completely relate to what both of you have said. I've always loved animals but after my mom died I developed a general mistrust of people (my mom was the only parent I had). My pets were my family since I didn't really have anyone else. Thats probably one of the many reasons I love animals more than most people.
Lori, even if you didn't have a single picture or physical memory of Ty, he will live FOREVER in your heart (and ours). Your husband may say he wants to get to the "ty who" moment, but I just don't see how that's possible. He probably thinks that if he forgets about Ty the pain will just go away with his memory. Like the rest of us, he'll eventually be able to look at the pictures and think about all the memories with a smile on his face. The sadness will always be there because of what we lost, but the happy memories will eventually outweigh them. I don't know why most men feel like they have to be so tough.
Many HUGS to you all!!!
Mom to Tripawd Angels Jake (2001-2014) and Rosco (2012-2015) and Tripawd Tanner. “Whatever happens tomorrow, we had today; and I'll always remember it”
Claudia - WOW... that is very interesting what your therapist had to say and makes perfect sense. My mother (a non-therapist) has often said that it is clear that I suffer from abandonment issues and assume everyone - romantic or not - is going to leave me so I put up big walls. Which seems the opposite of how I present myself (friendly, welcoming, open) but deep down, I do keep most people at arm's length to protect myself on some subconscious level. And to hear you got married at 47 gives me HOPE since I have long figured I will never get married which is a sad reality to me since that's all I ever really wanted - was to be married (no kids, never really wanted those). I think I can open up more here because it's online and somewhat anonymous.
Elizabeth - same here ... I always trusted Shelby to always be there for me and I don't at all feel abandoned by her. I feel sad that she is no longer here. But she didn't leave me because she didn't love me - she left because she was sick and she's still very much in my soul.
Mother's day was a lot harder for me than I thought it would be. It's a cold harsh reality that you're no longer a mom. I spent most of the day in tears in my bed. I don't get it but the mind works in weird ways ... I'm a smidge beter today but still off my game. Trying to shake some sense into me!
Hugs and love to you all!
Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.
October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014
Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife
Today was sort of blah. Was outside in yard and ate dinner outside. Felt it is not fair that Ty cannot be out enjoying his yard and begging for dinner scraps
could just picture the tail going as he snagged a piece of hamburger. Just really missed him today. He was my yard work companion. My 4 year old Granddaughter is so confused? We have told her that Ty is in Heaven and he is not sick any more? He has a new, healthy body. She keeps asking when is he going to come home? She said that it makes her belly hurt and feel nervous when she thinks about it. Poor baby! she loved him so much. I trusted him totally with her from day one. He was just so kind. How will I know if another dog will be as patient? My kids are begging me not to get another dog. Makes me want to get one just to tick them off. They are alll moved out by the way. 4 girls, all raised with pets and only one is an animal lover. Go figure..... My Granddaughter Loves animals of any kind. She tells everyone her dogs live at MiMi 's house. I know it will get easier with time. I am just realizing how permanent this really is and that is so hard. I think a little tiny part of my crazy mind thought he was not really truly gone. I think that became easier to believe because he spent quite a few nights at the vets. The mind can tell you lots of crazy things. I am reading a book called I Lost My Best Friend Today. It actually has a lot of insight. I still have my parents, but had a very traumatic loss at 15 which I know I wrapped up into this. I still feel guilty for not being able to "fix" my dog. I just keep thinking that last year at this time, I had no idea that he would not be here now. So unbelievable how fast this all happened. Stinks, stinks, stinks!!!!!! Lori and. Ty
TY GUY, Best Black Lab ever! Diagnosed and had amp in January, 2014. Kicked MRSA's butt. Earned his angel wings on April 16, 2014. Run Free my boy and don't forget a shoe. Ty is a proud member of the " April Angels". Ty sent us Daryl, a Tripawd rescue in Sept. of 2016. Daryl is 5 +or -. We are also Pawrents to Chandler, a Border Collie mix who is 15 and 1/2, Lucy, a Corgi who is 7, 2 minis, 2 horses, and a feisty cat named Zoe. Zoe had a non skeletal Osteosarcoma removed in July 2015. No Chemo, she was at least 16. She is going strong although she is now completely blind. She is now close to 20 and her hobbies are eating and sleeping in front of her personal heater.
For every "stink" I'm sending you a hug Lori
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Yeah, there will be moments like this when enjoying the pretty summer days are bittersweet. All we can do is ride them out, take a deep breath and give thanks to the universe for even having such love in our lives at all. It's never long enough.
Why do your kids not want you to get another dog? What are they worried about?
Tripawds Founders Jim and Rene
tripawds.com | tripawds.org | bemoredog.net | triday.pet
And sending hugs to everyone too!
Your granddaughter clearly has your abiloty to "connect with the lovely soul of dogs" gene and feel the loss when they cross over. Looks like your adult kids jave the "shut down and pretend like it didn't happen" gene......hmm..........yor granddaighter is going to be a great companion for a lot of dogs wo comeinto her life. Ty clearly touched her soul and she will be more loving because of him.
Sending you love Lori. I, like so many others, understand...
Sally and Happy Hannah
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Oh my, oh my, oh my!!!!!
Elizabeth - I'm so sorry to hear that you were parent-less by 16. That's way WAY too much trauma and loss for someone so young. You're obviously an incredibly loving person. All those kudos go to you, what an inspiration! I agree with you, pets fill our lives in crazy good ways. Sometimes I think I'd be fine with animals and no one else. Hahahaha, probably not really but it seems that way some times. They're amazing companions and, frankly, my Jersey Girl fulfilled every last ounce of maternal instinct I ever had. Lol. Oh how great it would be if people could just love love love like dogs!
Alison - YES! That wall is all about control and you are not alone! The more we can control, organize, plan, study and "predict" the less likely we are to be surprised and devastated by loss. PM me if you want to discuss more. I'm no expert but I've shed more than my fair share of tears over my lifetime. If my experiences can help you in any way, I'm very very happy to share and discuss.
Lori - Sending you a warm hug. I'm so sorry you feel such deep loss. Your Ty Guy was a true gem - IS a true gem. I do believe he's still with you, just keep talking to him and keeping him in your days. If the spirit moves you to do it, watch Long Island Medium, Sunday nights on TLC at 8pm Eastern (marathon reruns on just about daily, look for when). Once you've got a few episodes under your belt I suspect you'll feel some comfort. Ty IS with you. Dogs DO go to heaven and their spirits watch over us with our departed loved ones. Oh and for what it's worth, I vote you go get another Lab - for YOU and your granddaughter to love up!!!! Ticking off your kids and hubby is a bit of a compelling reason too! 
Claudia and Angel Jersey Girl
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