Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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I am so sorry.
I only just read the news - and it hit me like a brick. I had to go out wandering on an errand to let things sink in.
I’d subscribed to your earlier thread and just kept waiting for notifications of the road trip pics to start rolling in. I had hope for you and Ellie too. You and she have been such beautiful, honest presences in this community throughout such a tough journey.
I cried and then even laughed a little at the refrigerator door line in your blog. To me it was a picture of love and grief - how they literally change the shape of our lives.
I love that you’ve broken out the watercolors - those have been companions of mine at similar moments and they truly do meet you where you are every time you come to them. Paint whatever they tell you to in your heart, and don’t judge the outcome.
Amazing tribute video to Ell. Thank you thank you for Andrea Gibson [just wow]. And your poem to Ellbell is beautiful. Beautiful. I'm sure she loves it.
I’ve been visiting a little less frequently and a bit more strategically, as one fellow on your blog post noted, it can be hard to read so many sad and difficult stories - even amid the bright spots. But some stories are meant for our hearts to break over - and that’s what yours and Ellie’s is for me.
Sending you love, hugs, and a wish for honest grief and healing in time.
Natalie & Juno (aka June)
After coming back to Ell's page over a dozen times to watch her tribute vide, I finally did. And yes, the tears flowed at the first seconds of poctures and with the first sound of guitar. Completely choked up so many times, but always interspersed with smiles.
The video really is a beautiful tribute to your beloved Ellie, our beloved Ellie.
Seeing her with the white kitty....so gentle... so sweet. Judt let's the cat curl up to her and Ellie gently plays with her ball quie and carefully not to disturb the kitty.
The video shows soooo much love between the two of you. It shows ecery moment of Ellie' life enriched with love and enriched with wonderful adventures. She really seemed enjoy being out in Nature. One picture with beautiful mountains and sky in the background and you have a head photo where she just seems to be blending in with Nature as one.
The puppy picures definitely made me smile. And seeing how her coloring changed so dramatically was fascinating. Just like everything about Ellie......fascinating!
Everyone said everything with such heartfelt thoughts. I can only say ditto. You can see from the outpouring of love for uou and Ellie how much you both mean to us.
Natalie summed up the video so well:
To me it was a picture of love and grief - how they literally change the shape of our lives.
The contributions you have made here with support, knowledge, inspiration.....yeah....cant even find words that do justice to the positive difference you have made here. You both have provided so much enlightenment.On top of that, you articulate every feeling, every up and every down, in such an honest and eloquent way.
The poem you wrote during the thunder storm still gives me chills....in a good way. Have you gotten anymore communication- connection from Ellie?
Well, it took this long for me to try and pull myself together to watch this brilliantly done tribute....now I need to pull myself together to watch the other dog video
Yes. "Dogs make us whole". You and Ellie have shared your light with us and we are vetter "beings" as a result.
Surrounding you with our love and appreciation for the privilege of knowing Ellie
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Eustacia and Natalie- I am really sorry that this probably sparked fear while you guys are going through this same awful situation. Obviously it's not my intention, but when I thought about softening it so it's a little less scary it felt like a disservice not only to future people going through this but to me as well. I tend to shut down a lot around people, never really want to rock the boat or offend anyone. This page is the only place where I felt safe enough to really speak what I am feeling and letting this place be cathartic while also hopefully helping others through this rough time. With that said, now that the really raw emotions of it all have passed I am starting to try to find the meaning in all this and I know that I want Ellie's legacy to really drive home the motto of Living in Gratitude- we say it again and again to live in the present, cherish the moments, because you aren't guaranteed more.
Sally- I'm so glad you were able to watch it, I still cry watching it even though I've seen it probably a 100 times.
I have had so many people comment on how she interacts with the cats being fascinating. It's funny, it's become such a normalized situation that I honestly didn't notice till people pointed it out. I did a disservice to the OG kitty, Kima, I don't think she made it into the memorial video. I got Kima only about a month before Ellie so they were about the same age and grew up together- she was legit the coolest cat of all time and even though Ellie and my older dog Codee played, Codee was already 12 when I got Ellie so it was more of a putting up with Ellie than anything whereas Kima was her best bud (and in hindsight was a total bully). I'm working on a blog post that highlights all 3 of the kitties in Ellie's life and how she won them all over in her way, and of course there will be video evidence, haha.
I haven't had anymore of those connections like I did during that thunderstorm, though it has continued to rain almost daily and true to my word when it thunders I think of Ellie. I do still subconsciously look for her every time I go to bed, and every deep dog bark I hear I assume is her. When that was happening at first it made me cry, but after a couple days I was getting angry at myself for it. I am proud of myself for taking a pause and stopping that anger and giving myself permission to continue to be sad versus projecting it into anger, I know for some people this comes second nature, but it's a pretty big deal for me. So, maybe I'll get more connections down the road as I continue to not block myself off. There have been a couple instances where I just had to laugh at myself. For example this weekend I did a kind of deep clean on my place. Part of the was putting up a lot of Ellie's things look her gigantic bed (which ironically she hadn't used in months) her food and water thingy, toys etc, but the biggest task was cleaning my floor. I have a robot vacuum, but hadn't been using it because Ellie would always jump up if it came near her and I didn't want to put her through after her surgery, so the rugs only sporadically got vacuumed, and they were rough to say the least. It was so bad that I ended up literally brushing them to get the worst of the hair up before I vacuumed. What's hilarious about this, is I was having a rough time throwing away that hair! I'm not really a pack rat, or even all that sentimental over things like that so it caught me off guard. I ended up having to bargain with myself that if I could come up with a cool way to use it in 24 hours I could keep it- which obviously I couldn't and it went into the trash finally.
I have also been painting everyday, I'm determined to do a decent portrait of Ellie for her shadowbox, so I've been doing tutorials on other dogs because fur is really hard. I did do one session with my mom, that was a lot of fun, but mostly do it on my own and I tend to kind of talk to Ellie as I'm going. It's something I used to do when she was still here, I would hold up the half done painting and ask what she thought and she would always do the cute little upright ears looking/sniffing at it and then looking at me with her "I'm confused, but happy to be included" face.
It's good to hear from you, and know how things are going. The fact that you are able to catch yourself, acknowledge those upsetting emotions, and channel them into a more useful, reflective, and calming state of being says so much about how enlightened you are. Ellie is so proud of her mama.
And personally I'm impressed that you were able to clean and toss the dustbunnies at this point in time. It took me MONTHS to do that after Wyatt, and Jerry. See, you ARE stronger than you think.
Love that image of Ellie and the cats, I forgot to mention how incredibly unusual it was to see them just chilling together, using one another for cushions and comfort. You don't see that kind of bond very often with dogs and cats. I can't wait to read about all of them, and to see the painting you come up with. I really believe Ellie is guiding your process, and she knows she will always be included.
Whitney - Naw. For my part, perhaps remarkably, I don’t think my primary reaction was fear for June. It was just the familiarity of loss (even though I won’t claim to know your specific experience) and not wanting that for you and Ell - certainly not so soon.
But thanks again for your uncommon empathy even amid your own pain. It is precisely your frankness and honesty that I have connected with so much, beginning with your raw response to my What if…?
I love that you still chat with Ellie while you paint. And I can sooo picture the "I'm confused, but happy to be included" face, as June has her own variation. I’ve always loved that spirit in dogs - it’s such a loving vulnerability and willingness I admire.
Keep being raw and honest and sharp as ever - and above all do what you need to do for yourself (as you already know so well). You’re right that doing that is a gift exactly as it is. I think that sort of thing can be really, really hard to do, and I for one am already grateful.
Natalie & Juno (aka June)
Rene-
that's so interesting with the cats, because you're right about cats and dogs but as I think back Codee had the same "chill" manner as Ellie (or maybe it's the other way around, haha) granted the only cat who cuddled with her was Kima when she was itty bitty I have this picture framed of these 2 so maybe Kima is the unique one who trained her dogs to act accordingly HAHA!
Natalie- ahhhh ok thank you for the clarification, that makes a lot of sense- I'm glad you've been able to be more strategic with being on here, and equally glad my words have had a positive impact
OMD!! (OMC?!) Sooooo cute. I like the thought that Kima was your dog trainer. 😊
Natalie & Juno (aka June)
The way you gave yourself 24 hrs to process how, and if, you would use her fur gave me a chuckle. I still have the carton of ice cream in the freezer I let my Happy Hannah eat from the last several days she was preparing for her transition. That was over nine years ago! It took me years before I wiped the stuck dried drool off the wall where she would shake her slobber. So gopd for you for giving yourself a timeframe!
I did jist finally look at The Letter To My Dog video. Loved every second of ot and the delivery was with so mich passion. Tha l you for sharing that.
Sweeeet picture!!! Love the backstory of the dog/cat relationships.
tend to kind of talk to Ellie as I'm going. It's something I used to do when she was still here, I would hold up the half done painting and ask what she thought and she would always do the cute little upright ears looking/sniffing at it and then looking at me with her "I'm confused, but happy to be included" face
.
Continue to do that . I have no doubt Ellie will be guiding you as well as listening to you talk as you paint.
Love what Nata said about dogs:
I’ve always loved that spirit in dogs - it’s such a loving vulnerability and willingness I admire.
And yes, we all so admire the courage ot takes to share your raw and honest emotions. I think you express so well the thoughts many of is jave, but can never find the words like you do with such wisdom and e,eloquence.
We'll be looking foreard to seeing some of Ellie's guided artwork
Hugs
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
ok! I made Ellie's Cats post and even though I went through a lot of these videos already, it was such a treat to go down a bit of a rabbit hole for ones that slipped through cracks and remembering a lot of good times. Feel free to check it out here
Natalie- haha if you see the video you'll see she was one strict cookie who had us all whipped into shape, hahaha. It's so funny, she really was just the sweetest baby at the same time, but yeah she took no ones sass.
I'm so glad this was brought up, I got to relive a lot of really fun memories that hadn't originally come up. it's also oddly cathartic making them too. While editing it all together I tend to watch the same video over and over to be able to cut little bits out so it's not too long, and picking up on little things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise, and going over soooo much music trying to decide which one fits the best- it's really lovely.
Anyway, I hope ya'll enjoy and I just want to say thank you for being so kind and supportive I don't really know what I would do without you guys.
Oooh I am going to check it out now. I'm so glad that you found such comfort in remembering the good times together. It's a treat for you AND for us, so thank you!
OMC. Kima truly had a Pyrenees-sized personality and sense of self. Go girl! Ellie of course was the perfect gentle, playful foil. 🙂
Natalie & Juno (aka June)
I loved the poem so much. I also paint (in acrylics though; watercolors are too difficult for me!). Life got in the way though and I haven’t picked up a brush for a year now. I was painting a lot of wildlife and did a couple pet portraits. I’ve thought about doing a more recent one of Honor, but I just don’t know if I can right now. I also feel like, if I don’t do it now, it might be more difficult for me to do it later.
And, no apologies. I think it’s very important to share the actual details of what happens in each of our cases…not only for your own sake so that you get the support you need based on what actually happened and the effect on you, but also just so the rest of us can be realistic. It doesn’t mean we can’t have hope, but we need to be prepared that this horrible cancer doesn’t always cooperate with our plans.
Natalie- a Pyrenees sized personality, that perfectly describes Kima!
Eustacia- thank you so much, a poet I am not, but I'm glad I have that one as I still vividly remember that night and now thunder really has become a little hello from Ellie to me.
That's awesome that you paint! watercolor is really hard, I've actually been trying my hand at goauche which is if watercolor and arcylics had a baby and am reallllly enjoying it. It plays nice with water, but can be really opaque like acrylic except it dries matte and chalky versus shiny. I didn't like that at first, but now kind of love. I get not thinking you can paint Honor, I'm struggling with it as well, I have done several dog tutorials now and even have my Ellie photo all traced out and ready to go, but now it has sat for three days. My suggestion is if painting has brought you any peace in the past, make time for it now, but don't paint Honor do something a little less emotional just so you can have the act of painting and letting that right brain let off some energy. Maybe rage paint a bear, haha.
The “rage paint a bear” made me laugh! Not a bad idea… although I think it would raise my blood pressure too much at this point. I used to enjoy seeing them and it was actually amusing to watch Honor running the entire perimeter of the fence several times after one had been out there. Times have definitely changed. Painting definitely used to be an anxiety reliever for me because I would get absorbed in it and not think about other things. The downside was hours could fly by quickly and it’s hard for me to find that kind of uninterrupted time lately. If you have the photo of Ellie traced out and ready, I’d probably duplicate do a 2nd one….kind of takes the pressure off a little, especially if you’re doing it in watercolor. With acrylics, I just remind myself I can easily paint over anything I don’t like.
Ok- it took a few beers and a lovely conversation with some of my closest friends, but it loosened me up to start painting Ellie. it's only the first layer, but I have to put in the eyes early on so it doesn't look like a blob. When I did the eyes I had to stop because tears welled up... I'm so excited I got her eyes and her expression right. I actually kind of like the really loose bits too, it already looks pretty three dimensional. I honestly might start a second one and save this one for a while in it's present state- I dunno, maybe I'm being too precious. Anyway! wanted to share, because you guys are so amazing and supportive and I still want to get Sally her Ellie fix with new pictures :p
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