It’s a little more than a week after Nova’s passing, so I thought I would check in and let everyone know where we are at.  I have spent a lot of time this week focusing on Emmy, Nova’s seeing eye dog and surviving older sister.  Emmy was Nova’s faithful companion and guide for Nova’s entire life.  Emmy will be 10 this summer, which is ancient for a Great Dane, so I know that we have only a few years to enjoy with her, at best.  Emmy is grieving and feeling a little lost right now.  But amazingly she has shifted from her role as caretaker and has allowed Darla, my 3-year-old rescue Dane we adopted last summer, to take over as HER caretaker.  I don’t know how I would get through the grief of losing Nova if I didn’t have my two girls here to make me smile and lift my spirits.  They have been wonderful therapy for me.

I’ve only had a few crying meltdowns here and there.  My husband always said that he feared the day we lost Nova because after all of the years I invested in her, he was afraid that I would somehow fall into depression or “lose it” after her passing.  Honestly, I thought that too, but amazingly I have (for the most part) been at peace.  Yesterday I received a card from a treasured friend, Shanna, Spirit Trouble’s Mom.  For those of you who don’t know, Trouble and Nova were members of the “November 5”, 5 Tripawds members who all had their amputations in November 2008.  Shanna sent me a card that really touched my heart, and really explains where I am at right now.  Here is what it says”

Why?

That’s what we ask.

The truth is,

we may never know

for sure why.

But we do know

that there is no single

“should have done”

or “could have done”

or “did” or “didn’t do”
that would have

changed that why

All that love could do

was done.

I did everything I could possibly do for Nova.  I know that.  I gave her the best medical care possible, and all the loving care she deserved.  She lived 4 TIMES longer than her oncologist originally predicted.  The amputation and cancer treatments nearly DOUBLED her life span.  Like I said in my previous post the day after her passing, it’s not a failure.  It’s a victory.

This week has been difficult, yet there is this feeling of peace that prevails.  There have been some silly little things that I have noticed.  Like now I can run the vacuum.  Nova was terrified of the vacuum, so I would only vacuum when she was outside.   All sorts of silly little things like this have come up this week that have made me smile, giggle, and cry happy tears.  I am so thankful for all of the cards, posts, and emails that have come my way this week.   I have heard from people who were there at the beginning of Nova’s journey in 2008, as well as new Tripawds members who have been inspired by Nova on the forums.  Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  You don’t know how much your kind words of support mean to me.

Last Friday I took my 2 girls to the vet for their vaccinations, and I learned that Nova’s ashes had arrived.  I wasn’t sure I was ready to pick them up, and was totally sure that I would have a meltdown because we were put in the “big dog” room, which was the same room that we said goodbye to Nova in.  Yet there was this feeling of peace and calm that I just can’t explain when I held my Nova’s ashes in my arms.  My two girls and I were able to bring Nova back home together, and it was totally silent in the car.  There was this reverence there.  The Queen had returned and we were all together again!  All is well in the kingdom!

The vet had the crematorium put Nova’s ashes in an urn that is pretty decent, and will do for now.  I wanted to take some time to decide on the perfect urn, and the perfect way to remember her.  One thing I have decided to do is have a small sculpture made of her by a talented artist/sculptor in the Great Dane community.  She has already begun work on a 7” tall sculpture of Queen Nova.  3-legged, of course, with a crown and angel wings.  And inside the sculpture is a “heart” that consists of some of Nova’s ashes, and hair (that I took from the inside of her Ruffwear harness ).  I can’t wait until it is done.  She has posted a couple of pictures of it in process, and I cry every time I see them because she is capturing the essence of the Queen so perfectly.

Yesterday I received a card in the mail that informed me that a memorial contribution was made to Morris Animal Foundation in memory of the Queen.  It was signed by “Nova’s Loyal Tripawd Subjects”.  I wish I knew who they were so I could thank them for their lovely gift.  It’s a wonderful feeling to know that there are people here who chose to remember Queen Nova in this very special way.  THANK YOU.

I just wanted to leave everyone with two photos that a friend of mine made for me this week that have made me smile.  My precious Queen Nova IS indeed watching over me, and continues to bless my life in so many ways.

Dane Mom Sue