What a great hike you had - Jerry was with you for sure.... perhaps hike #4 for me this weekend... we shall see.... keep on keeping on, right???

There is a bar in Philadelphia (where I work) called "the good dog" - so, of course, I love this bar -- nothing fancy about it - a narrow bar w/ great food and pictures of dogs all over the walls on all three floors... back in November, they had a contest - submit a pic of your dog and you could win stuff - I, of course, submit a pic of Jack in his 3 legged glory - admonishing the bartenders cause all the pics they had in the bar at the time were of dogs with 4 legs!  No fair!  So, I submit my picture - actually the one that is my avatar... I never get notice of "winning" but turns out, they cycle out the pictures each year with pictures that get submitted for their contest - so, Jack is on the wall...somewhere... so, I went there last night with some co-workers (all of which have been awesome through all this awfulness) and looked for Jack - reminder, 3 floors, this could take a while.... so, i start on floor # 1, the floor where the main bar is... i'm looking, looking...and, there he is!  a prime spot on the 1st floor, on the wall next to the largest booth, eye level when you are sitting there, underneath a painting, not crowded by other photos -- its Jack!  Smiling and proud.... i just stood there and smiled... got a bit teared up too but for the most part - smiled.... so, there Jack will be for a full year... everyone that sits in that booth will see that picture - some may notice that adorable dog only has 3 legs, others will not... but, regardless, he is there... and that makes me happy!  Its the little things in life, right??

So, I did hike #4 this morning… did ok… every time I have hiked since Jack's death we see chocolate labs…which is a bit odd cause there aren't that terribly many on the trails normally - lots of yellows and blacks but not chocolates… so, as per usual, this morning, we are hiking, and all the sudden a male chocolate lab appears from behind us - totally snuck up on us - scared the crap out of my friend - for a moment there, it was like old times - her dog and Jack hiking side by side…. argh…. was a bit freaky.  Then later, her dog (who is also tennis ball obsessed) dropped his ball down this crazy steep hill - the same hill Jack ran down about 3 weeks post-op and we both freaked out because we didn't think he'd be able to get back up…but, of coure he did with no problem and just looked at us like we were crazy!  So, we got to talk about that story too — lots of Jack thoughts this morning….  then I just sat here and started to cry.  Tough reading about Wrigley now with lung mets…. brings it back… and I don't feel like I can offer support… it just makes me sad. 

Overall though, glad I went out this morning - felt very close to Jack….but also makes his absence all the more obvious!  I like your thoughts on Jack's photo - it sure was amazing that he got such a prime spot…. literally hundreds of pictures are on the wall….  pretty cool. 

Did hike #5 this afternoon (will there come a time where I stop counting my Jack-less hikes??), my friend called, was heading out again... was nice to get out again - my norm with Jack was 2 hikes per day on the weekends... so, it felt good to get out again.  And he would want me out there.

I like to think that was Jack fooling with us this morning on our hike.  He definitely was a trickster.... there sure won't be another like him.  Not even close!!

I hope I'm being a bit helpful here.  It is certainly helps me to come here and journal.  You guys have been a huge support for me and it is very much appreciated!!

I just need to say I MISS JACK!!!!  ugh.... still.... always will, I guess. 

I go Sunday for my orientation at the no-kill shelter I'm going to volunteer at.  I think that will help me a bit.  Am also looking into getting a dog trainer in here so I can start working with my girl on her dog aggression issues -- so, in case the day comes where I will be ready to take the leap and get another puppy, it will hopefully go ok.

But, still missing Jack incredibly

Perhaps its because I'm coming up on the 2 month anniversary of Jack's death???  I have cried 3 or 4 times today!!! I'm trying to live the lessons Jack taught me.... just having a tough time with it these last few days....   its funny you mention wanting to throw sticks for Jerry -- I have some sticks in the back yard that I brought back after hikes with Jack -- every now and then he would become particularly fond of a stick when we were hiking and he would carry it all the way back to the car - not sure how he determined what sticks were worthy to come back with him but I would just toss them in the back seat with him and put them in the back yard here - figured there was something special about them -- so, this morning, I'm outside with my girl and she starts chewing on one of those sticks -- she normally ignores them.... ugh...  I'm probably just reading into this but perhaps that is Jack trying to get me to snap out of this funk I'm in???  who knows....

Kim - Thanks for thinking of me and Jack at the dog park.  I was so happy to read that because it means that you and Buster are still going to the dog park!!  That is sooooo great!  Seems you are doing a great job of living in the moment... you and Buster are so lucky to have each other.

I've been wanting to volunteer at a dog shelter for a while but never felt like I had the free time.  There aren't any no-kill shelters nearby (Lord knows I couldn't handle a "normal" shelter - I would get far too attached and be heartbroken on a daily basis) and I used to spend so much time with Jack going on hikes, etc... that the weekends went by too fast.  Anyway - figured this was the perfect opportunity for me now.  Will help me fill in some free time....

Thanks much for checking in Heather, I hope to see some of Jack's quirky traits in the pups at the shelter.  Will also remind me that Jack had a good life - that there are lots of pups that don't quite have the life he had.... It's amazing but I still second guess my care of him -- just every now and then I have those thoughts... I just want to make sure I gave Jack the best chance and the best life he could've had in his 4 short years. 

OK - now I feel like I'm rambling a bit... thanks again all for "listening".

Well, I had a rough few days....  kept myself moving but shed some tears... did a hike this morning then went to the shelter for my orientation...what  a great place.  I think this is really going to help me on many levels.  Helps me remember Jack was such a lucky pup to lead the life he did.  Also so extremely therapeutic to be around these dogs who have so much love to give even though they've been dealt a bad hand... they are still wagging and smiling.... the shelter is all about giving dogs some basic training so they can find their forever homes -- so, I learned some tips for training too.  There is also a 3 legged pit bull there (rear right gone) but he is really skittish around people so us new volunteers couldn't walk him. 

Met a friend for a late lunch then went for another hike.  So, today overall was therapeutic for me.  Jack was nearby urging me along.