Hi Heather,

I completely relate to what you are talking about.  When Jill first got diagnosed, I did NOTHING but think and stress about it all and research as much as I could.  It consumed my every waking moment.  I wont lie, on some days, it still does.

There are a few things I find that helps........keeping in mind that everyone is different, I find talking about it helps me decompress, so I see a therapist (I am also on medication for mild anxiety, but it's a daily, hopefully this isn't TMI ).  I am a big chatterbox, so talking talking talking helps, which is why I am in the chat room here a lot.  Also, I started a blog for Jill and that has helped me a LOT.  I don't blog as often now as I did in the beginning but it helped me get through that first VERY stressful period.  I know this really doesn't help with the time problem, as seeing someone to talk to, spending time in the chat room  and blogging takes even more time, but it has been what helps me

I hope this helps in some way.  Just remember, here you are surrounded by people who can totally relate to what you are going through.  The second I read your post, I thought wow, totally feel every emotion you wrote in that post.

All our love,

Erica & Tripawd Kitty Jill

Hey Heather...

I'll write more in a bit, but for the short term, know that I totally understand from a variety of fronts where you're coming from. I am a card-carrying, diagnosed, medicated and therapied OCD/Anxiety/Panic person (there's a couple other things on my personal spectrum, but that's the big one :p). Control! Regimine! Predictability! All good things And totally in the sh1tter. :p

We have four cats and two dogs, all of which have their own needs and whatnot--and one of our cats is also "special needs" (meds, fluids, separate food, etc).

I also work full-time, and just got a promotion with a crapton more work when all this happened with sam. Great timing!

Best things I can say: for one, eventually it becomes the new normal. You are okay just letting him out in the yard on his own. You don't freak out every time he takes a header when you're out for a walk (er, and sometimes, you kind of maybe giggle). You don't panic over every single odd noise or whimper. You stop feeling guilty when you yell at him for being a douchecanoe. While you still may have to adjust a bit to your feeding routine (the more animals and more demands you have that way, the more you adjust...if it's just one dog, probably not as much), after a bit, again, it just is. After a couple of weeks, you start to forget that he's "special" or "sick", and he just goes back to being the same dog he was. It's a new normal, and frankly, people are worse at adjusting than animals are.

I don't know if you do CBT at all, but I do (cognitive behavioral therapy)-without it, I couldn't function. I find that many of the tenets of that therapy are in general helpful for many "normal" folks when they end up in obsessive type situations. You might want to google it.

One thing: be informed...but stop obsessing. Step away from google  (er, with the exception of the paragraph above :p). Every time you catch yourself obsessing, remind yourself that you have done your due dilligence, and you are working with specialists and professionals, and that you will tackle each issue WHEN IT HAPPENS. If you worry about all the possibilities in life, you will waste this moment worrying about 9.8790 billion things that will never come to pass. YOU personally do not have to be the expert on all things. You have "people" for that

Sometimes, I think giving yourself permission to live  your own life is the hardest part. It's OKAY not to think about it every minute of every day. You're not being less of a good mom and bad things won't happen because of it. Sam's surgery was on a Thursday afternoon; I picked him up friday after work. There was a short hesitation when I went to work on Monday, but he was FINE. Keep YOUR life as normal as possible, and they will thank you for it...they don't get "cancer' or "injured" or "amputation" or whatever. All they get is "holy crap, why is mom all wigged? Should *I* be wigged? I'm gonna wig!! araorororooooooarfarfgrowlfreakout!"

Wow, I feel better just reading all these posts. It's so true that writing/journaling helps and talking it out too. Thats one reason Im always on Tripawds now, it helps in sooooo many ways. there is nothing like having peeps who know exactly what you are going through. especially ones that are always so compassionate and non-judemental. And I don't know anyone else who would celebrate and do the poopy dance with me.
I too was quite the control freak in my younger years, but after lots of therapy and many spins around the sun, I'm hoppy to say I've let most of that go, and what a huge weight off my shoulders. But I think it's only normal for something like amputation with or without cancer, to consume you for a little while anyway. We have 3 dogs and 2 cats, a few dairy goats and chickens too. I was nervous about the schedule in the beginning, bet we are one month post op and the new routine has settled in nicely.
Jim, we are HUGE fans of Eckhart Tolle - 'The Power of Now' changed our lives forever!

Patricia & Atlas