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I guess myself and Charlie are an Alumni now
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15 March 2018 - 4:12 pm
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I’m not sure what to post here at this point.  It’s just been over a week, I still cry every day.  Not as much, but when I talk about it, like I’m doing now it’s all I can do to keep my s__t together.  Just so you know I’m a 65 year old male carpenter.  I have a good friend who is the same.  We are real tough guys, worked outside in the winter, roughed in houses, both of us have fallen thru the ice, backpacked in the wilderness.  Real tough, but when our companions pass on we are both unconsolable.  

At this point I ask myself, did I do enough? Did I make the wrong decisions?  I lost Charlie to cancer and no matter what I did the outcome was inevitable.  I don’t think there is a right or wrong path.  I made a decision and stuck with it.   Money was an issue, as it is for most of us.  If I had no other connections, wife, children, grandchildren, I’d have remortgaged my house for Charlie.  But most all of us have others in our lives we have to consider. 

I’ve thought about this every day since he passed.  My biggest regret, and this is a shout out to all of you who may read this.  I walked him every day before work, fixed his breakfast.  When I came home I took him for a walk and fixed his dinner  .  BARF diet!  On weekends when I was not working, if the weather was good,  there was a park he liked and a property near me, maybe 15 acres wooded, that he loved.  I would take him to those places for walks.  People tell me he was lucky to have me, that I did all I could.   I wish I had done more.  We had a small yard, I would let him out, whenever, and when he wanted in he would, depending on the time of the year, either tap on the screen of the doorwall or the glass.  Never once did he damage the screen.  Very gentle, for a dog that in his prime was almost 100#.  Now, I think my biggest regret, sometime he would tap on the screen or glass and when I opened the door to let him in he would just sit there.  I’m sure he wanted me to come out and play with him.  Sometimes I did but usually I’d coax him in because I was tired or it was late or it was cold.  

So that’s it for this post.  Their needs are so simple, and our lives are so full of baggage, that we cannot appreciate the value those precious companions bring to our lives.  OK, I’m sure there are many that do.   And I did love him, and I hope when we meet again that he forgives me for my shortcomings.

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15 March 2018 - 6:56 pm
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Darling friend 🌺

I can see how much you’re hurting, how much you miss your sweet boy Charlie, how you wished you could have done more but … no matter what we do, cancer 💩💩💩 will take our babies one day …

What really counts and what this piece of 💩💩 disease cannot take from us: our love, our bond, our wonderful moments together, our bond IS eternal and nothing can change that✊🏽 Nothing ✊🏽

Please don’t feel guilty if at times you were tired and didn’t go out to play, that is not important. 

What is important is you cared for your boy, you prepared his breakfast and dinner, you took him for walks to places he loved, you were always there for him and loved him to bits and Charlie knew it. 

He absolutely did.

You took but good decisions, there is no wrong decision when you decide based on the love you have for your boy and when you do the absolute best you can and that you did, my friend. 

And now that he is an Angel he is watching over you from the sky, he is watching over his adored Daddy, flapping his silver wings painfree and happy with all of our Angels by his side.

I am totally sure he has absolutely nothing to forgive you for and he will be waiting for you to join him one day 🐾🕊💕

Try and remember the wonderful moments you shared and wait for him to visit you in your dreams and tell you he is happy and well🌹

My heart is right next to yours as Charlie’s is next to my girl Eurydice, she is looking after him you can be sure 😘😘🐮💫✨🌟🌹

Eurydice 77kg/170lb Great Dane limping end of April 2016, amputation (right front leg/osteosarcoma) 4 May 2016 6 courses of carboplatin followed by metronomic therapy, lung mets found 30 Nov 2016. 3 courses of doxorubicin, PET scan 26 Jan 2017 showed more mets so stopped chemo. Holistic route April 2017. Lung X-ray 5 May 2017 showed several tennis ball size mets, started cortisone and diuretics. Miss Cow earned her XXL silver wings 12 June 2017, 13 months and 1 week after amputation and 6 1/2 months after lung mets, she was the goofiest dawg ever and is now happily flying from cloud to cloud woof woofing away :-) 

The Rainbow Bridge

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15 March 2018 - 8:55 pm
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I’m so glad you decided to post here, because you will always be part of this community. And also, because so many of us have had those same doubts after saying goodbye to our animals. It’s how we process their passing, it’s the only way to get our heads around it. And although we may feel like we didn’t do enough for our pets, I have no doubt that they relished in all the attention and joy we brought into their lives (and vice versa of course). You did everything right for Charlie, and he knew that he was loved until he took his last breath. Yes, their needs are simple! And you met every one of Charlie’s. What a lucky, lucky boy.

What he wants for you now is to remember that in the big picture of our lives, the simple needs of an animal are something we can all learn from and apply to each and every day that we are given. This is what they teach us, it’s how we become better people. That’s Charlie’s lasting gift for you and I have no doubt you will once again do right by him once again.

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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15 March 2018 - 10:18 pm
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Well said Eurydice and Jerryheart

We get it.  We sure do.  During those early stages of grief, we humans just cannot seem to be “satisfied” until we find something, anything to feel guilty about.I can ot understand why this “ritual” is part of grieving, but every single one of us do it.

  I can PROMISE you this, when Charlie got to the Bridge, all Charlie would talk about is what a great time he had with you and how loved he was and how happy he was with his you!. And he never, ever, ever, evvvvver said, ” I had such a rotten life because, when I scratched to come in and then hesitated a few seconds, my human didn’t immediately  drop everything right then and there and  respond to my demand to come play!!!  Yes, sometimes he did, but not every single time!  Therefore I had a miserable unloved life with no joy!”   

No sir!!!  Charlie didn’t say any if that!!   What Charlie did brag about to everyone at the Bridge, was how you fixed his breakfast…hiw he traveled to your sons’s graduation…how he thoroughly enjoyed the thousands of walks with you….how he marveled at the time you spent fixing his meals….how you loved him enough to do what it took (meaning amputation) to give him all that extra bonus quality  time with you for more spoiling and loving…..And how you loved him enough to give him the gift of release when his quality was diminishing.

You loved nard and now you are grieving hard.   I remember someone told me they cried everyday for a mo th when their dog went to the Bridge.  I remew thinking to myself I hope thst would not be the csse for me.  I coulde see how I would be able to stand the tears for that long.  As thr weeks passed, I didn’t cry as hard some days as others, but I cried.  And then one day I remember getting through the day and realized I didn’t cry that day.  It was one month.  Sure, the tears still come to this day, but they are far and few between now (well, exceq when we have a loss and then I cry like a baby all over again)

Keep paying attention to “signs from Charlie”.  He certainly likes to make his presence known in very unique ways!

STAY CONNECTED.   A d thanks for sharing snippets of Charlie’s life with us today.  To not have a ripped screen all those years is a miracle! 🙂

Lots of hugs

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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15 March 2018 - 11:39 pm
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Until recently, I was going to an online pet loss support group (www.aplb.com) a few times each week. I still go occasionally, even now, six months after Rocky went to the Bridge. One of the things I figured out there very quickly is that nearly everyone feels guilty, even though we did everything we could. 

I know, for a fact, I did everything I could for Rocky. I have no doubt you did everything you could for Charlie. But death, and cancer, make us feel guilty. 

In late June, my mom came over to my house and was playing with Rocky. She wound up making a video. As she’s trying to play ball with him, he’s absolutely fixated on me. I’m off camera, but you can tell where I am by watching his eyes as they follow me around. My mom finally asked me to throw the ball and I gave a curt “not now.” I was having issues with my cable company and was waiting on them to call me back. So I was in a pissy mood. I felt terrible the first time I watched that video after Rocky died. I still feel terrible. I wish I had played ball that day. But the real point of that video is how much he loves me. You can see it. And I know how much I love him. And he knows too. That love is something that neither death nor cancer can take away. From any of us. 

David and Rocky (and Baxter now too!)

Rocky had his right front leg amputated on Valentine's Day 2017 after being diagnosed with osteosarcoma.

He joined the September Saints on September 3, 2017.

He is the toughest, bravest, sweetest and best friend I'll ever know. 

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16 March 2018 - 6:00 am
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I’m getting ready to go to work, but I had a few minutes and wanted to add a post.  Wasn’t expecting the kind replies to my initial post so many thanks for your kind thoughts.  

So my weekend goal, to figure out how to post some pics of Charlie on this site.  To make my first attempt at using his paw print casting to make an imprint.  And I want to make up 2 small memorials, a picture of him with something written about him, have them laminated and leave them somewhere at the 2 parks he frequented.  At the 1 park there is part of river/tributary that flows thru and he loved the water.  But the d__m fisherman pretty well trash the banks with their worm containers, beer and pop containers, so when I go there I’m going to do a clean up.  Always meant to do it with Charlie but he wasn’t good off leash so I never was able to do it when he was with me.  

Got to go.

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16 March 2018 - 6:05 am
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💗💗💗

Eurydice 77kg/170lb Great Dane limping end of April 2016, amputation (right front leg/osteosarcoma) 4 May 2016 6 courses of carboplatin followed by metronomic therapy, lung mets found 30 Nov 2016. 3 courses of doxorubicin, PET scan 26 Jan 2017 showed more mets so stopped chemo. Holistic route April 2017. Lung X-ray 5 May 2017 showed several tennis ball size mets, started cortisone and diuretics. Miss Cow earned her XXL silver wings 12 June 2017, 13 months and 1 week after amputation and 6 1/2 months after lung mets, she was the goofiest dawg ever and is now happily flying from cloud to cloud woof woofing away :-) 

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18 March 2018 - 11:22 am
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This should prob. go somewhere else on the board but I’m doing it here.  I still haven’t researched enough to post pics but that will come.  In the meantime, I’d thought Id let you gals and guys, did you notice that I put the gals first, what I’ve been up to.  

For the support I’ve rec. from everyone here, I’ve made an ongoing donation to the site to keep it going.  I’ll keep it up a long as I can.  Not for me but for all the “Charlie’s” out there and their human companions that can benefit from the support that this board offers.  It was huge for me, and still is.  I encourage all of you who can make a contribution to do the same.  I’ve volunteered some time and a similar donation to a local animal rescue/shelter.  

Now, if anyone has read any of my previous posts I’m working on paw prints from Charlie and I thought I’d share you what I’ve learned so anyone reading this may benefit and skip all the research and trial and error.  

The great people who did the creamation of my friend did a paw print.  I will cherish it always.  But it looked nothing like my buddy’s print.  In previous posts I relayed how I found several of Charlie’s prints in the mud.  So I made casts of those prints.   The product that made a superior and durable print came from the hobby store.  It’s made by woodland scenic and called lightweight hydrocal plaster.  I mixed the plaster, went to the place where the prints were, poured in the plaster with excess for thickness, threw a few of those handwarmers packets on top, winter here remember, covered it with a small cardboard box, set a brick on top and let it sit for about an hour or so.  It had set up enough by then so I dug it up gently, brought it into the house and cleaned it off the next day.

I managed to get 2 castings. So, I want to make an imprint of Charlie’s paw print to put into a memorial for him but am worried I might damage the only 2  I have in the process.  The hydrocal casting proved very durable so this is how I have proceeded.  Have you noticed how nice your footprint looks in wet sand?  I purchased a bag of play sand, put it into a plastic lunchmeat container, Hillsdale Farms, about 6″ x 51/2″ x 1 1/2″ overall, filled with the sand about 2/3 full.  I gently pushed in the casting I had and made a new imprint.  So then added again another filling of the hydrocal to get a second casting.  It turned out great, I had to cut away the plastic container but who cares.  I was trying to get another casting in case I damaged the original but I think that this step may not be necessary as the original has proved very durable.  But, my point, all the sites I visited about trying to make a casting of your babies print involve having them step into some type of material that may be irritating to them and then washing off their paws.  Get your materials ready and have them step onto some moist sand in your backyard.  Make a box, or dig a hole and add wet sand and have them walk thru it.  Mix the hydrocal, the hydrocal sets fast so you may only have about 10 minutes or so working time.    Pour it into the print.  You could make a box around it with something to contain it but I did not.  Let it set for about an hour and now you can make paw prints from those castings.  So now for a permanent print I made a box with a 1/4″ plywood bottom and 1/2″ plywood sides about 6″ square and 1″ deep.  I chose sanded tile grout in a sandstone color.  Mixed it up according to directions and filled my plywood box about 7/8 fill. I put saran wrap over the top of the box and pressed my plaster casting into the grout.  Gently rocking it back and forth on all 4 edges to work it deeply into the mix.  I let it sit like that for about 1 hour then pulled the excess saran wrap back over the top of the casting, gently pulled it out  and easily scrapped away the excess grout with a small putty knife.    There were creases in the grout from the saran wrap, I used a lightly moistened q tip so smooth things out a little and let it sit for another hour then trimmed away whatever excess there was.  I was able at that point to write in Charlie’s name with a toothpick.  It’s a work in progress.  The hydrocal is a great strong material, plain plaster may give the same results.  The sanded grout also seems to be great for the print,  good material, available in many colors,  sets up reasonably fast but gives you a long time to work with it, add some writing or decorative items, but it is heavy.  I’m going to make a shadow box frame, add the casting, pics of Charlie, his collar around the casting a rainbow bridge bracelet from I heart Dogs and other stuff as I think or find it.  I’m also going to make a small wall cabinet, maybe 6″ deep, glass door to put a 2nd shadow box memorial in along with his babies, harness and leash.

Hopefully pics to follow.  I’ll be happy to answer any questions anyone may have to the best of my ability.

Here and Now

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18 March 2018 - 11:32 am
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charlie1 said
I’ve made an ongoing donation to the site to keep it going…I encourage all of you who can make a contribution to do the same…

Thank you for your support!

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18 March 2018 - 11:43 am
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This is just an afterthought.  Charlie loved cheese, so did I.  If he was in the basement, pre surgery as he could not negotiate the steps post surgery, and I went into the fridge to get some cheese for a snack, b4 I could even get to a chair he was there.  One time he was laying outside by the garage door, which was in view from the kitchen window, I got some cheese and began slicing it, watching him, his nose went into the air, he obviously smelled the cheese and was at the doorwall so fast, wanting in to share in the snack.  So now, after writing the above post I got a wedge of smoked swiss to have a snack and remembered that the last time I had this cheese was with Charlie.  They are always with us in some way.

There is a tear here for his not being here and a smile for the good memories.

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18 March 2018 - 2:55 pm
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You are a sweetheart, you truly are 💗

Charlie is ever so proud of his Dad and letting all Angels know what you are doing: helping Tripawds and honouring his memory in a major way 🌟

Thank you so much for your explanations on how to create a perfect paw print 🐾 I am sure lots of pawrents can follow your instructions and get a perfect paw print  🐾👌🏽

Now enjoy your cheese, can you feel Charlie’s wings ruffling near you?

He spotted that cheese too 🧀😉

Big hugs 😘😘🐮💫✨🌟🌹

Eurydice 77kg/170lb Great Dane limping end of April 2016, amputation (right front leg/osteosarcoma) 4 May 2016 6 courses of carboplatin followed by metronomic therapy, lung mets found 30 Nov 2016. 3 courses of doxorubicin, PET scan 26 Jan 2017 showed more mets so stopped chemo. Holistic route April 2017. Lung X-ray 5 May 2017 showed several tennis ball size mets, started cortisone and diuretics. Miss Cow earned her XXL silver wings 12 June 2017, 13 months and 1 week after amputation and 6 1/2 months after lung mets, she was the goofiest dawg ever and is now happily flying from cloud to cloud woof woofing away :-) 

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18 March 2018 - 7:19 pm
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Thank you for posting.  Charlie is around in many ways.  You are sharing his love and information with all of us.  Thank you for the gift in honoring Charlie on the site. 

Grief comes & goes and there will be good days and bad days.  We (us who have been on this part of the journey) understand what you are going through.  The doubts and everything. 

Keep sharing those memories too. 

sassymichelle-sm.jpg

Sassy is a proud member of the Winter Warriors. Live long, & strong Winter Warriors.
sassysugarbear.tripawds.com
07/26/2006 - Sassy earned her wings 08/20/2013

"You aren't doing it TO her, you are doing it FOR her. Give her a chance at life."

Virginia
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18 March 2018 - 7:51 pm
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charlie1 said
They are always with us in some way.

There is a tear here for his not being here and a smile for the good memories.  

Nicely saidheart

You are paying tribute to your beloved Charlie in such beautiful ways….ways  that touch  the lives of others…ways that show everybody the unbreakable bond and loving relationship  you and Charlie have….ways that celebrate all his specialness.    You have given such care and love to every single way you are honoring him

Clearly you are a Master Carpenter!   That was so kind of you to go to the trouble to share all the details and specifics of your vision for how you are going to house some of “things”…some of the essence of who he is……extremely creative and so thoughtfully done!   And BRILLIANT job the way you have figured out how to preserve Charlie’s pawprint!   I’m still amazed  that Charlie guided you to them!

Charlie is soooo proud the way you are honoring his special self!   Thank YOU….and thank Charlie….for giving to us all in so many ways and for helping “all the Charlie’s out there” on so many different levels.heart   HIS LEGACY CONTINUES ON THROUGH YOU!

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE PICTURES!!  

Love and hugs to all

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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19 March 2018 - 5:22 am
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Well I have to share this, in another post I wrote that I had printed a picture of Charlie, made a quick frame 4 it and brought it to work right after he passed.  When I was real sad I would write my thoughts on the back.  Last week on Tuesday I made my final notes, out of room.   I wrote telling Charlie to make sure he lets Carl know he is ok.  So last night I texted my Son and sent him pics of the paw print and what I was planning.  He texted me back that he had had a dream earlier in the week that Charlie was still alive.  

I told him about what I wrote and about the rainbow bridge and that was Charlie’s way of letting him know he is OK. I hope it helped him.    I know he is hurting. 

Virginia
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19 March 2018 - 9:56 pm
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HOLY SMOKES!!!!     THAT’S HUGE!!!   Getting through to Carl in a dream, right after you and Charlie “connected” avout making contact with Carl…..CHARLIE WORKS INCREDIBLE  CONNECTION MAGIC  FROM THE BRIDGE!way-cool

He really does a beautiful job of making his presence known….And he does it in big ways that cannot be discounted!way-cool

Thanks for sharing…..made my day.:-)

Hugs

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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