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Rufio Has Taken His Bangarang To the Rainbow Bridge | Coping with Loss

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Rufio Has Taken His Bangarang To the Rainbow Bridge
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Forum Posts: 19
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7 April 2017 - 7:03 pm
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My heart has been heavy for 10 months, from the moment my dear beloved Rufio was diagnosed with the ugly truth of osteosarcoma. I remember not even being able to pronounce the damn word - now I say it like I'm an oncologist.

Rufio handled the amputation like a pro and was hoping around (pathetically) instantly. He never showed sadness, he always smiled and he always wagged that tail of his no matter what was going on. He handled 6 rounds of doxy/carbo like a champ and never once got sick. He proudly posed for his picture with the vet staff when they (incorrectly) celebrated that he was a cancer survivor. He didn't care, he got McDonalds out of it. He happily ventured the 1.5 hours to the CSU cancer ward every week for a few months to get checkups and blood draws and xrays - he was just excited to see new humans and other dogs! 

He kept smiling and wagging his tail as he quickly declined after being told he had 3-6 months left. He licked my face while I wept that he no longer could stand up on his own. In the middle of the night when he felt sick he'd somehow manage to stand up and cry so I knew to take him out - he had far too much modesty to go potty in the house. I'd hear him whimper as I carried his 60+ pound body up and down the stairs and down the sidewalk so he could go on grass. I knew he appreciated it but I knew it hurt.

His cough took over. His mets never grew sizable enough to affect him but his lungs filled up with fluid. The first time I drained him they took 2 liters out...I have no idea how he was breathing. Then, less than a week later they filled right back up and I drained another liter.

I knew that night at 3am in the ER that my baby needed to leave me. That feeling is nothing I could ever describe. I found no peace in it like I wanted to but instead just insurmountable pain. I stayed home from work that next day and cuddled him in bed and he breathed much better. But then 3 days later it was back with a vengeance and I knew I couldn't let him suffer no matter how much he wagged his tail and smiled at me.

Two weeks ago today. Two weeks ago at this time I held my sweet sweet angel and sang to him as I watched his breathing finally calm down. He got heavy and I knew he was gone. I fell into shock and lost all control of my body. I blacked out. I don't remember what happened next except that I was on the floor in my kitchen starring up at people.

I keep having flashbacks to that evening and especially that moment and I feel the guilt. I know he's better off and not in pain anymore but I desperately look for signs of him or anything to know he's okay. He was so dependent on me and I'm terrified he's searching for me in wherever he may be.

I went to a support group, I am reading books about pet afterlife like it's going out of business and I talk to Rufio all the time but yet I can't seem to lessen the non-stop sadness. I miss him so much. My heart hurts more. I love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.heart

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7 April 2017 - 7:39 pm
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I am so sorry to hear of Rufio's transition.  But know that you did everything you could for him, and he had a great life and a home filled with love.  I think that is all a dog truly wants - to love and be loved.

Otis - 106 pound lab/Dane mix, lost his right front leg to osteosarcoma on Febuary 9, 2016.  Four rounds of carboplatin completed in April, 2016.  Lung mets August 25, 2016.  Said goodbye too soon on September 4, 2016.   Lost his adopted sister, Tess, suddenly on October 9, 2016. likely due to hemangiosarcoma.  

Wherever they are, they are together.

The Rainbow Bridge

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7 April 2017 - 11:12 pm
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Ohhhhh I am so very sorry. I remember when we spoke in the chat, and how I had hoped he would have better days ahead. My heart aches for you.

I wish I could say there was an easy way to deal with this, but there isn't. The old saying 'When we love hard, we grieve hard' is never truer than when we cope with the death of our beloved heroes. Grief is a process and for each of us it's different. As you go through this, your heart is healing although it doesn't seem like it. After all, you were able to post here, and share those beautiful photos, right? That is a BIG step toward healing. Why not share more of Rufio's life with us? We all want to hear about your sweet pup, and celebrate the beautiful ways he touched this world.

Some day you WILL realise he's giving you signs that he's OK. As soon as you stop looking, he will be there.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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Schofield, WI
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8 April 2017 - 8:02 am
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I'm crying as I read your beautiful tribute to Ruffio.  I'm so sorry you have come to this absolutely hardest part of this journey.  Please don't be hard on yourself and don't feel guilt because you couldn't cure Ruffio.  All our Angels were there to greet Ruffio and make him welcome and show him the ropes.  Tonight go out and find the brightest star in the sky and know in your heart that will be sweet Ruffio shining down his healing light on you as he watches over you with love from the heavens.  Sending you light and healing peace.

Linda & Spirit Mighty Max

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8 April 2017 - 9:33 am
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I'm sorry to hear about Rufio.  I know your heart is aching.  When we lose the ones we love, I always thing of my favorite Winnie the Pooh quote, "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying good bye so hard."  Sometimes it helps to donate (or volunteer) to local animal shelters in his name.  Stay strong because someday, you WILL be with him again...you need to believe that.    

Minneapolis, MN
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8 April 2017 - 4:10 pm
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My heart grieves with you to hear this sad, sad news.  And I understand your sorrow as I am still so mired in my own and it has been 5 horrible months since we lost Pofi.

I just loved your beautiful Rufio, I really did. That happy smiling photo of him is just so emblematic of what we all want post amputation.  Dog joy, shining through.  And it is what you need to hang on to.  You wrapped him in love for all of the lifetime he shared with you and even as he had to leave his body behind.  He knew that, it gave him the strength to stay with you as long as he did.

Sending out comfort to you and to Rufio.  Hoping for healing for your fractured heart.

Lisa 

Lisa, Minneapolis

On October 27, 2016, nearly 6 months after amputation, and 18 months since his cancer likely started, we lost Pofi to a recurrence of Soft Tissue Sarcoma in his spine quite suddenly.  His Daddy and I miss him terribly along with his canine sister, Mia, and two feline siblings, Lucia and Cliff.

Blog: Pofi, Peripheral Nerve Sheath Tumor Amputation

Los Angeles, CA
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8 April 2017 - 4:27 pm
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My heart breaks for you ... today is three years since my girl and I said goodbye for now and while  the pain does lesson,.... it never goes away. I am so sorry your journey has ended and I am so sorry you are grieving so hard. Oh how I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you it will get better but you have to get there yourself. It will hurt ... for days, weeks, maybe months and years but that is because your love story is unlike any other. It is special. It is true. It is authentic. 

You are stronger than you think you are and until you feel steady... lean on us. We sending you so much love!!

Alison with Spirit Shelby in her heart

Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.

October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014

Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife

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18 April 2017 - 4:58 pm
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Thank you all for your kind words. This community has done so much for me and Rufio in the past year, words can't even describe. My friends and family can only say so many of the same things to comfort me but you all know so much more what I'm going through. I plan to pay it forward as best as I can.

It's not getting any easier but I am moving forward in the most positive manner I can at this point. We still have my husbands dog to keep the house alive when it gets too quiet. I got Rufio's name tattooed on my arm with a paw print on the letter "i" - that helped a lot. The sadness isn't as overwhelming all the time but now just comes in bursts that I'm able to control. The flashbacks are the worst, I just hope they fade away soon.

Thanks to you all again, Tripawds are the best.

Minneapolis, MN
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18 April 2017 - 5:08 pm
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jewelzzey said
The sadness isn't as overwhelming all the time but now just comes in bursts that I'm able to control. The flashbacks are the worst, I just hope they fade away soon.

They will happen less frequently with time.  Your love and bond won't fade nor will the wonderful ink remembrance you have made to your wonderful boy.  Glad you are finding comfort in the presence of your husband's dog and wishing you strength and peace.  Never be afraid to come here and say it is still tough.  We all know and understand.

Lisa, Minneapolis

On October 27, 2016, nearly 6 months after amputation, and 18 months since his cancer likely started, we lost Pofi to a recurrence of Soft Tissue Sarcoma in his spine quite suddenly.  His Daddy and I miss him terribly along with his canine sister, Mia, and two feline siblings, Lucia and Cliff.

Blog: Pofi, Peripheral Nerve Sheath Tumor Amputation

Virginia
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18 April 2017 - 5:42 pm
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I'm so glad you came back today...for so many reasons.

I delayed my original response because, well, because I was finding no words. Everything I wanted to say sounded so "empty", so worthless. Too many of us know how unbearable the grief is, especially in those first weeks after the transition.

We all tend to focus on those last days and run them over and over and over in our minds. We completely loose sight of all the thousands of happy days before. We completely loose sight of the extended time our dogs and cats had with us for more spoiling and loving than we could ever imagine possible. We loose sight of the fact that "number of days on a calendar" meant nothing to them. We loose sight of the fact that they chose us for their earth journey because they knew we would surround them with love and joy and care. We loose sight of the fact that they chose us because they knew we could handle whatever happened. They chose us because they knew in their Soul we would love them enough to release them when they needed our love the most.

Rufio chose you for all those reasons!

As Lisa (Pofi) said, those flashbacks that will hit you out of the blue, will fade. I don't think any ofnus willntell you they ever go away, but they do fade, and faxe and fade.

And those times of joy that you and Rufio shared WILL continue to come shining through! We all PROMISE you that! That brilliant light of love and happiness that you and Rufio shared can NEVER be dimmed!! His light will shine within you always, as will yours in his.

And this poignant statement of yours is sooo true:

"I love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be heart"

And Rufio will ALWAYS be remembered here, as will the loving bond you two shared!!!

And Sparky's quote from Winnie the Pooh is so perfect too:

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying good bye so hard." I hope Winnie doesn't mind, but I just want to clarify it's never good bye....it's until we meet again at The Rainbow Bridge where Rufio is watching over you for now.

Lots of love and surrounding you with Rufuo's wagging tail and happy smile

Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie

PS.....We MUST see a photo of your lovely tattoo! I bet when Rufuo got to the Bridge he tattooed a picture of you at the base of his wagging tail...because being with you always made his tail wag!! 🙂

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Los Angeles, CA
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18 April 2017 - 7:59 pm
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Hugs!!!! And we would love to see a photo of your tatoo .... many of us still want to get one to honor our angels.

It will get easier but it will take a while ... just try and take each day at a time!

Sending you love and hugs! 

Shelby Lynne; Jack Russell/Shiba Inu mix. Proud member of the April Angels of 2014.

October 15, 2000 to April 8, 2014

Our story: Broke rear leg in June 2013 - non-conclusive results for cancer so leg was plated and pinned. Enlarged spleen in September 2013 and had it removed and was diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma and started chemotherapy. Became a Tripawd January 8th, 2014 and definitive Hemangiosarcoma diagnosis. Three major surgeries in 7 months and Shelby took them all like a champ only to lose her battle to cancer in her brain. We had 8 amazing extra months together and no regrets. #shelbystrong #loveofmylife

Santa Fe, NM
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19 April 2017 - 11:06 am
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I am so sorry for your loss - it just tears the heart out of your chest. The flashbacks will lessen with time. I didn't think mine would but they did. Eventually. Alison is right, one day at a time. That's all anyone can do anyway.

I've not heard the Winnie-the-Pooh quote before - that's the best!

I love that picture of Rufio - so happy, so light filled. You gave him the best life any dog could ever wish for!

I second (third?) the vote for a picture of your tattoo!

Sending love and hugs! stick around here - it helps.

Right rear leg amp 7/12/16 due to OSA. Metastatic lesion on her right front leg, January 2017. Joined the Winter Warriors January 19, 2017. Run free my sweet girl.

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