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Mosby is at Peace
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Minnesota
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20 July 2017 - 8:09 am
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That video is soooo sweet, you and your boys happy as can be. They are both such very handsome and sweet boys I love that they are both vying for your attention. "I love you Mom" "I love you more" they loved you so much they decided with that in common they had to love each other too!

I personally found it very comforting to have Lucy's ashes home. I felt like that's where she should be, at home with me. It was hard to imagine that all of her could now be so small and it's a tough reality to face but I was really very comforted by having her with me in any form. Oh and I didn't want to vacuum either and I collected some of her hair in an envelope but I vacuumed up hair for months and even know find an occasional hair tucked somewhere and it makes me happy to find them. This probably either means I'm a lousy housekeeper or that dog hairs are invincible!

The new normal is really hard but like you said, Mosby loved his family so much and you loved him right back and that part - that never changes. That never goes away. You will never ever, ever lose that.

Sending you a big hug.

heart Amy & Rusty

The Rainbow Bridge

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20 July 2017 - 10:17 am
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What a sweet clip! I love watching those boys compete for mamma's attention. How darling!

Bringing home the ashes is different for everyone. I cried like a baby for a while, made a shrine with the ashes container and his toys, and I waited a long time to vacuum up Jerry's fur. Others feel better when they arrange their home and clear a space by removing their pet's objects right away. It all depends on the individual. Do what feels right, it's the only way to process.

Losing the routines is SO hard. I totally understand the quiet, and the lack of direction one feels when their #1 furkid is no longer around. You will eventually make up new routines but it takes a bit of time for sure.

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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20 July 2017 - 8:22 pm
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Brought Mosby's ashes home today. They did a nice job - very pretty wooden box, and they also made his paw print in clay, with his name on the back. He's up on the mantle with his collar, for now, at least. I have to admit, it doesn't really feel like him (Mosby is soft and warm), although it's reassuring to have him back here and not out there in limbo.

We cancelled the vacation we had planned in September, because we'd planned it around him, and will do something else. We were really looking forward to taking him on vacation. This all came on so fast. Two weeks before we put him down, he was out at the barn cruising around, and went all the way down to the lake, like old times. Then he started limping that week, and of course at first I blamed myself for letting him do too much at the barn. We never imagined the osteosarcoma had returned.

I don't know why we only got 6 months. It seems unfair. We were told that he had all the markers to have a really good prognosis, that he had a good shot at a year or more. But it wasn't to be. I try not to think too much about it too much. It'll be hard going to the barn without him this weekend. Miss our boy.

Virginia
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22 July 2017 - 9:43 am
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Continue to stay connected, okay. Hopefully, it brings you some comfort knowing you are surrounded by people who understand all too well every aspect of what you are going though. And it actually brings us comfort to to ve avle to celebrate Mosby's life with you.

The one "belief system" that helps get me out of the "endless loop question of "why?".....the question that never has an acceptable answer, is simply, "When it's your time, it's your time." The Soul came here to do it's mission and, when the Soul has completed that mission while here on earth, he transcends to ankther dimension.

Of course, none of that takes the pain away of those who are left.

There was a wonderful poem that Martha of the Oaktown Pack sent me when Happy Hannah transitioned.
It describes some of the things we go through when one of our pets cross over. In part:

* Look for the kleenex, use toilet paper instead
*Try to sing
*Start ro cry instead
Stare at the floor.
*Look out the window.
*Forget what day it is
*Make a cup of hot tea and toast that you do not eat or drink.
*Forget what day it is.
*Look out another window.
*Wander around the house aimlessly
*Heat up leftovers
*Push them around your plate bedore leaving the entire plate in the sink.
*Stumble into a corner and hold your knees tightly.

I know for me, like Otis's Mom, I woukd rush home, only to remember there was no reason too.

Sometimes I would leave the house as if I could escape the sadness....drive to the end of my long drive...and turn around and come back because I didn't want to "leave her".

I remember dreading going to bed because nights were so awful.....and dreading to get up because days were so awful.

Yeah, this part is sooooo hard.

Vut then to see that DELIGHTFUL video of Arlo and Mosby, and to hear how they interacted brings smile to all of us. Mosby brought you so much joy and you brought him so much joy and happiness too!! Hold onto those glorious memories, because he sure is!! 🙂

Please share more when you can! And let us know what signs he has sent you!! And he will if he hasn't yet! He may just be having too much fun at the Bridge! 🙂

Lots of @ove

Sally and My Chunky Spiritual Being Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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22 July 2017 - 2:00 pm
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Thanks, Sally. I'm pretty fatalistic in most circumstances and think that it is what it is, and things happen as they are supposed to. It is hard not to feel a little cheated, though, and jealous of those who got more time, or who didn't face the return of osteosarcoma. I don't begrudge anyone, and won't, though. It is what it is. We had the time we had, and no more, for whatever reason. It is what it is.

All of the sweet pups on this website - none of them deserve this diagnosis. I hope that sometime soon they can find a good osteosarcoma vaccine that works, so that everyone gets more than 6 months or 12 months or however many months, because it's never long enough.

At any rate, I put together a blog post that's mostly pictures of him, to celebrate his life. Rather than duplicate things, here's the link. It's a lot of pictures, just a heads-up. And this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to pictures of Mosby. I told my coworker the other day, I've never been so grateful to live in the digital age. I have so many pictures of Mosby, including of his last few days, that I will cherish forever.

http://mosby.tr.....-of-mosby/

The Rainbow Bridge

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22 July 2017 - 5:14 pm
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Of course you feel the way you do, that's so easy to understand and you should never feel guilty about it. It's how we process the grief. Between having him back with you and all the time you have to think about the journey he traveled after cancer, it's no wonder you feel the way you do. It's a lot to take on when you just were not prepared for it. I so feel for you, I am really sorry things just happened as fast as they did. NOT fair, not by a long shot.

But OH how I loved all the photos in Mosby's blog! We could never ever have too many. I'm going over there now to look again, especially at the adorable one of him in the leather chair, and in his younger days. He was the perfect dog indeed!

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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22 July 2017 - 8:21 pm
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Sending hugs to you. It's so hard to lose our furbabies, and Mosby was such a special "once in a lifetime dog". Thinking of you during this difficult time-so heart breaking.

Sending peace and hugs,

Joan and her angel, Lily

Our beautiful Lily was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in her front leg on 12/14/11 at age 8 and had amp on 12/16/11. She completed 5 rounds of carbo. She was so brave and kicked cancer's butt daily! She lived life fully for 4 years, 3 months, and 15 days after her amp. My angel is a warrior princess. I miss her so much.

Virginia
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22 July 2017 - 9:49 pm
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This disease is soooo brutally unpredictable and just rages and rages against the most vulnerable and the most innocent and undeserving. And no, it's NEVER enough time with these precious souls...EVER!! And especially when it comes to such a sweet and gentle boy like the Colonel...such a sweet Soul.

I'm actually going to wait until after work tomorrow to look at The photos of Mosby. I want to be able to have time to focus in each and everyone and celebrate each treasured moment you have posted.:-) 🙂 🙂

A d @et .e say right off the bat, we can NEVER have too many photos of Mosby celebrating his well lived and well loved life!! 🙂 So you keep em coming, okay???

Lpts of love!

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

Santa Fe, NM
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25 July 2017 - 9:27 am
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Loved all the pictures of Mosby - he was so clearly a very, very special boy.

I'm pretty fatalistic in most circumstances and think that it is what it is, and things happen as they are supposed to. It is hard not to feel a little cheated, though, and jealous of those who got more time, or who didn't face the return of osteosarcoma. I don't begrudge anyone, and won't, though. It is what it is. We had the time we had, and no more, for whatever reason. It is what it is.

This is exactly, verbatim, what I've thought, over and over. Some days I'm okay with the "it is what it is." Other days, less so. And I'm reasonably certain that's pretty damn normal.

I second Sally that we can never, ever have too many pictures of the Colonel! and your stories of your life together - the best!

love

Teri, Roxy and Angel Isa

Right rear leg amp 7/12/16 due to OSA. Metastatic lesion on her right front leg, January 2017. Joined the Winter Warriors January 19, 2017. Run free my sweet girl.

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30 July 2017 - 5:48 pm
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Today was my first day at the barn without Mosby. It was a beautiful day, but it was pretty hard. I'm grateful to have Arlo, but I miss my buddy. I put some photos of Mosby at the barn on his blog.

http://mosby.tr.....out-mosby/

Virginia
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30 July 2017 - 7:03 pm
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"He was the kind of dog thst made yiu want to get a dog"

TThat was such a beautiful tribute you paid  to Mosby in an earlier post.   The pictures in your blog  ake us want to add the word "loyal"  before each word "dog"

With love

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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31 July 2017 - 1:49 am
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Hi sweetie 🌹

I'm sorry I haven't posted earlier, I am keeping myself very very busy every day since Eurydice left me, it makes it "easier" for me to go on without her happy, goofy presence ...

I am SO sorry the Colonel had to leave, it is so unfair, especially so soon 😔 but as you say it was his time, what can we do when time is right for our babies to leave us but helping them have a peaceful transition ?

You were blessed not having to wander if you chose the right moment, just like me.

And just think of the huge pawty they've all been having since June, so many happy goofy furries jumping from cloud to cloud chasing stars 🐶🐮🐶🐾☁️🐾🐾☁️🐾🐾🐾☁️💫💫💫

It is marvellous you're sharing more of Mosby with us, I absolutely love the pictures and video, the one of your boys leaving the barn is one of my favourites alongside the one if the three of you in the field looking straight at Dad's camera 💕

Mosby is happy now and he runs like crazy on 4 just like all of his new friends 🐾💕

I take a lot of comfort knowing Eurydice is not alone up there, she and Mosby are surely having a ball of a time 🌈

Our hearts are together just as our babies are too 💕💕💕

Here's a big kiss flying to you, sweetie 😘😘😘😘 and lots of happy woof woofs from our fluffies right above 🐶🐮💫💫🌟🌟🌹

Eurydice 77kg/170lb Great Dane limping end of April 2016, amputation (right front leg/osteosarcoma) 4 May 2016 6 courses of carboplatin followed by metronomic therapy, lung mets found 30 Nov 2016. 3 courses of doxorubicin, PET scan 26 Jan 2017 showed more mets so stopped chemo. Holistic route April 2017. Lung X-ray 5 May 2017 showed several tennis ball size mets, started cortisone and diuretics. Miss Cow earned her XXL silver wings 12 June 2017, 13 months and 1 week after amputation and 6 1/2 months after lung mets, she was the goofiest dawg ever and is now happily flying from cloud to cloud woof woofing away :-) 

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7 August 2017 - 9:51 pm
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Three weeks yesterday. 

While I can generally interact with society again, the barn remains a challenge. I love seeing Arlo and spending time with him. But the memories are so strong, and everyone keeps asking how I am, and saying they are sorry about Mosby, and I'm just an awful mess. Yesterday I saw Cindy Lou for the first time since we lost Mosby. Cindy was his best friend and is the sweetest dog. She also looks remarkably like a young Mosby in the way that she's built. So when I first saw her, out of the corner of my eye, I had a moment of disbelief. Then I realized it was Cindy and lost it. She ran up to me, looking for Mosby. Her mom told me she was sorry about Mosby, and immediately walked away. I felt bad - I knew it was because she was crying. She loved Mosby, too. I know that eventually going to the barn will be therapeutic - maybe it already is - but these days it's just like the faucet turns on and doesn't turn off. I hate crying in front of people, so I spend a lot of time focused on Arlo until I can pull myself together. 

In our house, the empty space persists, both physically and emotionally. Our house even looks empty without all of Mosby's beds, bowls, towels, harness, piles of pill bottles, etc. I hadn't touched the runners until yesterday, but we had bought a new rug and wanted to see how it looked down, so I had to pull up a bunch of the runners, and it was like tearing my heart out. Mosby's collar, on our mantle, is a symbol of Mosby as a whole, but the runners are a symbol of the six month struggle and everything that he endured (more than 6 months, when you could the pain from the bone tumor before diagnosis and amputation). 

And that's the heart of a lot of the pain, to be honest: the guilt. My sweet, sweet, tolerant, stoic boy, who couldn't tell us how much his leg hurt, who had no say in the amputation or the chemo. Who suffered setbacks and pain and adverse reactions to antibiotics. And who, in the end, fell victim yet again to the same damn bone cancer we were trying to beat, whistling softly to tell us there was something wrong, even though the vets kept telling me he was fine. I know you should never second-guess yourself at a time like this, but it's hard not to. I will never know if I made the right decisions until the end. The last one I know was right. If Mosby suffered because of my mistakes, that is something I will have to bear, but at least I did right by him in the end. 

I miss my sweet boy so much. 

Germany
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8 August 2017 - 3:45 am
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Assuming Arlo has a stall, go inside with him, shut the door and sit down. Do it at a time where there aren't many people at the barn. Just sit and start breathing. Arlo will probably bring his big face to yours and will inspect you with his muzzle. And since you're probably like me, you'll start balling. Which is fine. We know that horses are not as fazed by this as our dogs are, so crying in front of and with Arlo is fine. He will probably just resume eating his hay and since we are so alike, you will find some peace in this setting. There isn't much that is more calming than the sound of a horse eating and breathing and the smell of straw and hay. This will not make your grief better in any way. Both of us know that. But it may bring you a few minutes of absolute peace.

Manni not only couldn't tell me how much his leg hurt, he wouldn't. He would always hide his pain and I just wasn't able to read the few signs he showed. and yes, I have been beating myself up over that. 

As you know, I am still in the process of making those awful decision. Awful because like you said: there is just NO way of knowing what is right and what is wrong. There is no way of knowing what the dog would want. There is no way of knowing what the future holds. But the one thing I do know is that we made those decision out of love. And since you're like me: we made those decisions trying to do what's best for our dogs. For no other reason. 

Trust me: I have been questioning everything, too. I still am actually. But the one thing I always wanted to be able to say was that I tried everything to make his life better. And I know I did. I am not sure I always succeeded, I am not sure my decisions were the right ones, have been the right ones. But I know I did the best I could. As did you. Sometimes that's not enough but it's all we've got. Mosby knows that. He was the kind, gentle and amazing dog he was because of you, so never forget that. If he'd had different owners he would have turned out differently, so if he was perfect he was because of you. And he will always, always love you for that.

hugs

tina

(and Manni, and -totally- Ortega)

Guardian of Manni the Wonderdog. -Or is it the other way 'round?

Manni was diagnosed with osteosarcoma in Dec '15 and immediately had his right front leg amputated, followed by 5 rounds of chemo. Manni's real name is Manfred and he turns 10 on Jan 28 2017. So far we are mets-free...

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8 August 2017 - 4:59 pm
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Thank you, Tina (and handsome Manni and Ortega). Your words really helped. Arlo is well familiar with me sitting in his stall (even if people are around, I can kind of hide in there without them seeing me) and crying, whether about Mosby or work stress or anything else. Horses are infinitely patient and never judge (unless you are withholding peppermints).  

"But the one thing I do know is that we made those decision out of love. And since you're like me: we made those decisions trying to do what's best for our dogs. For no other reason." 

Yes. And I can tell you, no one who has followed Manni's story would say anything but that you have always made your decisions out of love and what's best for Manni. And you will now, even if you're facing the worst decision now. Maybe it's easier to see it in other people than it is in ourselves. 

"But the one thing I always wanted to be able to say was that I tried everything to make his life better. And I know I did." 

Yes, you did, and you have and you are. And that is certainly what I tried to do for Mosby. 

Sending hugs and Arlo kisses to you and Manni and all who love you both. Thank you so much for your words, and please know that we are thinking of you guys. <3

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