Funny you should say look into his eyes. He never makes eye contact unless he is in trouble. But this morning he has been making eye contact - and I have been having that conversation with him. As I sit here sobbing I think he has given me his answer and permission to stop. In fact, I think he has given me even more permission than just that. I think maybe he has had enough.

There has been a lump I have had my eye on that some of the docs we have seen have ignored and others I have forgotten to mention it to. I wasn't clear if it was a mass before, but it seems much larger today and when I press on it he looks me in dead in the eye like "Yes, Mom... that's what it is." And I've been thinking over the past few days he doesn't feel well. I know I said he was feeling OK in my original post last night, but maybe that was wishful thinking. And, I think this is a different "doesn't feel well" than just meds and med side effects. He is still eating so that's something. I'm afraid his time is very near. And I can hardly stand it.

We see his regular vet this afternoon. I'll see what she has to say. Currently I am too broken up to even call the other onco like I am supposed to do today. Maybe later. 

Thanks for weighing in Pam. I'll talk to our new onco soon. I'm waiting on a call from her. My regular vet didn't think the lump was significant because it wasn't hard and she said osteo is a hard cancer. So that's good!

I think I'm done with carbo, at least for now, and will try alternative things like the mushrooms, try the K9-Immunity again, and ask again about arte. I think I was told that artemisinin is an antiangiogenic agent and those are more likely to slow healing, as opposed to traditional chemo. So, I think she is not in favor of that. I didn't know Metacam (NSAID) could help healing. ? I took him off that over the past week. I'll get him back on. Besides which, I think it is hurting him a little more than it was and maybe that's why he isn't feeling well.

We are starting to really get aggressive on getting this wound healed... thanks to my regular vet. Given what you say and the results my vet has seen with the laser maybe this bad boy really will be healed in a month. And Duke will still be with me in a month. I can only hope. I will say the very top and bottom tips of the wound have closed over the course of the last week. I think I'll start using honey on the days I change the bandage, and on the days my vet does she is using the laser and some gel that is supposed to encourage the production of collagen. (I want some of that! 🙂 She talked about using insulin mixed with some other product but she doesn't have the second one on hand. I have not done honey because the place I was going to kept telling me not to. I've pretty much moved my care to other places and will start doing it.

I'm feeling a little better this afternoon. My vet seems to be wanting to keep going on getting this healed, although I know she wouldn't do further carbo if this were her dog. She'd be done.

I'm rambling. Sorry. My brain is mush.

Eesh... sounds like you had a rough time of it too. I guess most of us have. Poor baby that it made her tummy hurt that much. Sounds like you made the most compassionate decision for her. I'm hoping I can do the same for Duke. Cancer sucks. There is just no getting around that.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm hoping I can figure out what's best for my handsome boy - not too aggressive but not too complacent.

Thanks for the kind words Jackie. I decided the carbo c*#p shoot is no longer for us. And despite my new onco recommending we go forward with carbo from a scientific point of view, from a personal point of view she completely understands my decision to hold off for now. Said, in fact, she would sleep better at night with my making that decision. If I had been working with her weeks ago I would have gone ahead, but... something has changed.

Pam - just wanted to say that I stand corrected. She did not say arte was an antiangiogenic. She is trying to get a better answer about whether we could start that. Hopefully we can. And she said go for it with re. to the power mushrooms. (I had already ordered them before she gave me the go ahead.) =)

Thanks again for the encouragement.