Once again, Sandra, you have shown what a wonderful and thoughtful writer you are.  This may sound a little odd to you, but I always look forward to hearing what you have to say, as I hold you in utmost reverence from the beauty in which you express your feelings through words.  Thank you so much for sharing with us your Memorial Service for Luna and may you live in peace knowing that you did everything possible, not only for Luna, but for the AKC Canine Genomics Program, as well.  Your "Luna Tuna", "Luner Tuner", "Lulu" and just plain "Tuna" was given so much love by you, Dave, Joyce and others at Burghard Shepherds in her very short life and I know that she still loves you very much as Spirit Luna.  She has her wings now and she will never forget the special "Garden you made for her" and the protective mats you placed by the pool for her, and all the special love you gave to her...  And, you will never forget her trademark "alligator snap" and the endless energy for life that this precious dog brought to this earth.  Once again, she has the "shine" and "twinkle" back in those beautiful eyes and she is waiting for you when your time comes to rejoin with this magnificent dog forever more.

Thank you so much for all the wonderful things you have shared with us, your friends, at http://www.tripawds.com.

Love, Vicki Tankersley, Blazer & Kitty Kimber

Hi Sandra, I agree with Jerry that some people process grief differently.  I'm like you, though.  Right after I go through the loss of a beloved animal, it is almost unbearable for me to look at their photos.  I hate to say this, but there are some animals I have had the pleasure of owning whose pictures I have yet to look at more than 15 years later.  I am one of those people who feel guilty when I can't fix things and that's a huge part of the depression I live with every day of my life.  I blame myself when I consciously know that nothing could have stopped the clock from the diseases that finally took my dogs, or the accidents which took my cats from me. 

One day, I need to come to grips and look at those photos, but I know I will cry (just as I am crying just writing about this) and I am just one of those people who carries a lot of sadness & compassion on my shoulders (not that everyone here doesn't do the very same).  It just goes back to Jerry saying that people process grief in so many different ways.  I hope this helps to explain yo everyone why I feel it is so important for me to support the good people who come to http://www.tripawds.com looking for answers, or just needing to share their stories with people who care and want to help in any way they can.  I'm just trying to help out in my little way.

Love, Blazer, Kitty Kimber & Vicki Tankersley

Mom & Zeus,

Thanks so very much for your kind words.  You have no idea how much this means to me.  It's appreciation like this that keeps me going day after day. 

Your friends,

Blazer, Kitty Kimber & Mom (Vicki)

Seize the wave - and the day

It has now been five and a half weeks since we lost our Luna.  Her cremains in the walnut box with the black German Shepherd Dog lying on top of it has remained on top of the bed in my late father's bedroom since the day that it arrived.  Since putting it in there, I haven't gone in there much, just can't stand to see that box sitting there.  Last night I went in there and took some photos of the box and the little name plate on it with her information and name on it, and the inscription, "Our precious little girl".  Those photos will go in the memorial section of Luna's scrapbook.  I lovingly wrapped it back up in the bubble wrap and put it in the shipping box and taped it shut.  Today, I put it in the bedroom closet on a shelf.  The box is marked: "Luna--Memorial Box".  I'll know what that means.  I don't know how long it will sit there, but it will go with me wherever I go in the future.  Perhaps, at some point in the future, when the wound is not so fresh, I'll be able to reflect on this little box with a different feeling, but until then, it will stay in the closet.

Yesterday, the marble memorial plaque that I ordered for Joyce, the lady who helps me with my dogs, arrived.  (I have 11 of them now, which is so hard to say after saying I have 12 dogs for so long).  It was stunning.  You take a photo you like of your dog and send it to this company and they make a copy of the photo etched into the black marble.  The marble was in a 12 inch round shape.  Very dramatic and poignant.  I presented it to Joyce yesterday.  She said that she really liked it, and I could tell by her expression that it was something she will treasure forever.  She told me that she knew it would be nice, but that it was even nicer than she had anticipated.  I think I'm going to order one for myself, now that I have seen it.  I had offered to share half of Luna's ashes with her and get her a walnut box, too, and at first she had said she would like to do that, but later, she changed her mind, and said she would prefer to have the marble memorial plaque instead.  I think she just found the ashes to be too painful.

So, these are additional steps in the grieving process that have been taken.  As a result of what we have gone through with Luna, we are taking even more time with our other dogs and giving them all the love we can.  This week we have gone out with our dogs to a local restaurant that has an outdoor dining patio which allows dogs on leashes with their owners.  We've been three times so far this week and the dogs have loved it.  The people at the restaurant love the dogs and the people eating there come over to see them. 

While we were in Gainesville at UF, we took Luna to the same restaurant branch there (Peach Valley Restaurant) and she enjoyed looking at all of the people and we enjoyed people coming over and admiring her and telling us how well behaved she was.  If she was lying on one side, you couldn't tell that she was an amputee, and if she was lying the other way, of course, you could (it was her right hind leg that was removed).  Sometimes people would ask what "happened" to her.  I would tell them that she broke her leg and we had to have it amputated.  This was the truth, she did fracture her leg, it was a pathological fracture due to the cancer, but I really didn't want to get into the hemangiosarcoma aspects of her case.  I just wanted people to see her as whole and well at that point.   

I have a neighbor whose dog is currently undergoing chemo at UF.  In fact, the first day we went to UF in Gainesville for a consultation about Luna, I walked up to the reception area and was signing in when I heard a voice behind me say, "Sandra, is that you?"  I turned around and here was a neighbor and her husband who only live about five houses from me.  "What are you doing here?" was the next statement by each of us to one another.  We were both saddened to learn that our dogs had canine cancer.  She had another breed of dog that had another type of cancer, but it was still sad.  We both hugged each other and cried.  There were many people who cried in that waiting room through the months.  Every exam room there had a box of Kleenex in it.  The one thing that really hit me during all of those visits to the University of Florida Veterinary Medical Center Small Animal Clinic was that people really, really cared about their pets.  It wasn't just me, there were lots of people who took their pets very seriously and were devasted when they were ill or injured.  My neighbor was no exception.  Fortunately, her dog is still alive and doing well and still undergoing chemo.  Her dog has had several surgeries and has tried various types of chemo, and it has worked and I'm so glad for her and her husband.  They have two poodles and love them both very much.  Their dog had been diagnosed two or three months before Luna was.  We emailed each other often throughout the last year about our dogs, but after Luna died, I didn't write to her too much about Luna or my feelings about everything because I didn't want to bring her down, I wanted her to be strong for her dog and to keep the faith that things were going to be ok for her dog.  When you are going through all of that, it is very challenging to stay strong, to be positive, and fight all of the "predictions" of the vets, etc.  So, that is another reason why this forum has been so good for me, as I have a place to share these feelings and get support. 

Sandra

We took two more dogs out today for lunch at our local outdoor cafe restaurant.  We took Eik, Jr. and his sister, Eika, Luna's brother and sister.  They were well behaved and interacted with a number of the diners there today.  We took Joyce, who helps me care for my dogs and Luna's "paw-aunt", along this time as Eika is one of her favorite "puppies" in the litter. 

We have a mini van that we got for Luna that has a ramp that lowers down, it is for people with disabilities, but we got it for Luna, to take her to UF in Gainesville to have her leg amputated for hemangiosarcoma and it was perfect for that situation. 

Now we can use it for the other dogs, including Luna's mom and dad, Eik, Sr. and Kora, who are 10 and 8 years old respectively, who are "seniors" in the doggie world and who can no longer jump up into the back of the SUV truck the way they used to.  Having the siblings of Luna is a comfort, that is for sure, and taking the dogs out to lunch and spending time with them is another good way to help the grieving process.