And yes, I know everyone says their dog feels better after the surgery and the pain from the surgery is nothing compared to the pain from the OSA.  And they get up right away and after a 2-4 week recovery period they generally do great.  I know all that.  And I feel like I SHOULD do the map, but when I think about it, it makes me feel filled with fear and dread and anxiety that is unbearable.  When I think about canceling the surgery and taking my dog to the beach and feeding him cheeseburgers, even knowing that we'll have less time together, it makes me feel unbearably sad but relieved because I would rather end his life a day early than a day late.  He is on pain meds now and in some pain I'm sure, but he is clearly happy and eating and loves playing and running.  That won't last, I know.  But it won't last with amp either.  Is prolonging his life for him or for us?  Is there any support for those who decide not do to the amp surgery?

Thank you, Jerry.  I have done so much homework but it hasn't made the decision any easier.  In some ways it has made it more difficult.  I can't hear anymore about how well dogs tend to do on three legs.  Or how owners rarely if ever regret their decision to amputate.  I can't help but think that part of the reason they don't regret it is because they can't at that point.  How could they possibly allow themselves to?  Once that decision is made, the owner has to be convinced that it was the right thing to do and can't go back in their thinking or they'd fall apart.  

There is more to the equation.  I am an anxious person.  I wish I weren't, but I just am.  I would do my best to try to stay calm for him, but I know myself well enough to know that I would be a basket case and would worry myself sick wondering if he was okay and being scared to death if he didn't eat or fell down or if the incision looked red even though rationally I know that stuff is not that big of a deal.  And I know my anxiety would make him anxious.  I feel guilty because I wish I could be a different kind of person, but I don't think I can change that aspect of who I am whether I try or not.  

Right now he is in some pain I'm sure and I know it will get worse and my time with him will be shorter than it otherwise would be if I did the amp.  But we have had ten beautiful years together and he has never been sick or injured even for a day.  Just like dogs don't experience amputations the same way humans to, they also don't experience pain the same way.  Although he is in some pain now, he is clearly not anxious or scared or unhappy at all.  At some point, the pain will make him unhappy I know.  And then I will do what is best for my best friend even though it will mean that I get to share less time with him than I would if I did the surgery. To me, I would rather lose him one day too early than one day too late.  

But I can't help feeling like I'm somehow disregarding what everyone else here and vets say to do because of my own fear.  And I don't want that either.  This is an impossible situation.  I hate it.

Thanks, Jerry.  It is really great how supportive you are to everyone.  It helps more than you know.  It's hard not to beat myself up over whatever choice I make since none of the choices available are good or clear.  Your words were comforting, thank you.

We just got back from the lake.  Everyone went swimming and had fun.  It was the best I've felt in a week.  

I would like to say that right now I'm here for support for my current thinking, which is to let nature decide when his time is and not me. So for others who may want to respond to my post, please know that it will not feel supportive or helpful for folks to remind me about how painful bone cancer is and how many dogs beat the statistics with amputation, etc.  Believe me, I know all that already, but those aren't the only considerations.  Thanks for any help and support you can offer as I try to get through this as best I can for my buddy and me and the rest of our family.  

Thank you so much, uscphanatic, for your helpful and comforting response.  It is clear that Sophie was very loved and had a great life because of you.  I did just send you a PM, by the way.

Hi S&C-

As Jerry said- people here support each member with whatever decision they make for their pups.  We know that you are making the best decision you can for your pup-what's his name?  And you love him- that comes across in your posts.  You wouldn't be so torn up if you didn't care.

Kbear is another member who chose to fight OSA without amputation.  Here is a link to her posts. This first post tells her story and talks a little about the radiation treatments they did.

We come off for the most part as pro-amp because it's what we did and what we know.  When I talk to new members I want them to take into consideration is that most pups do fine on three legs, and not let fear of amputation itself be the deciding factor.  But there are so many other things to consider- and it sounds to me like you have done lots of research and considering. 

I've been on both sides when deciding on cancer treatment.  My little pug Maggie had an amp due to mast cell cancer.  A few years later she developed oral melanoma.  For many reasons, including her health at the time, I chose not to do any of the recommended treatments- surgery to remove part of her jaw, radiation and then some injections.  Having done an amp I was not afraid of the surgery itself, but I just thought that it was not in her best interest.  She passed 3 months later.

My only advice to you now is to be able to live with your decision- and have no regrets. Write down now what your though process is- because after your pup passes you will have questions- I know I questioned myself.  But because I was so sure that my decision was right I have peace with what followed. 

No matter what you decide you will get support here.

Karen and Spirit Maggie