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Bernie bin Laden: the Abandon All Hope Tour 2011
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Orange County, CA
Member Since:
2 January 2010
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4 September 2011 - 10:04 pm
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In deference to the rules of war established by the Geneva Convention, we are required to warn all Northern California residents that as of this Thursday, Bernie bin Laden will once again be deployed against you.

We'll be traveling in a silver/gray Honda SUV with a reinforced cabin and slightly gnawed seatbelts. The truck will be easily identified by the black cloud of locusts and pestilence above it, and the trail of destruction and famine left in its wake. The formerly peaceful beaches of Carmel will soon echo with the lamentations of those victims whose shoes Bernie has shredded, dog toys he has stolen, and sunscreen-greased backs he has scattered sand across. And that's just within the first five minutes of our arrival…

I'd like to tell you that he'll someday feel bad for the mayhem he spreads, but sadly, that's just not going to happen. Because Bernie bin Laden is, for all intents and purposes, a rock star. No dog (or person, for that matter) has ever had an ego as massive as his. Anyone who ever met Bernie will tell you that he spends every moment of his life basking in the supreme glow of his own awesomeness. He is the greatest dog he ever met. It would never occur to Bernie that you or your dog might not want to give up your food, toys, and/or sanity for the privilege of spending time in his glorious presence, because he is absolutely certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the entire universe and all of creation revolves around HIM.

So consider this your seventy-two hour warning period. If you start running now, you may get out of the blast zone in time to avoid the worst of the fallout. As far as I know, his powers don't extend beyond the continental shelf, but I can't be sure. Sadly, a sight much like the images in the sequence below will be the last thing many people will ever see…

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In your heart, where I belong.
Member Since:
9 February 2011
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4 September 2011 - 10:29 pm
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Oh my. I'm glad I have the Continental Divide between me and thee, Bernie. And I hope to all that's holy that you and Evelyn don't ever meet. I think Mr. Admin will attest to the fact that Bernie and Evelyn share the same ego disorder. The entire universe might be destroyed if they ever put their egos in the same state.

I will await photos of the forthcoming mushroom cloud and I might hide in the massive hole that some unnamed canine has excavated in my yard. What time should I crawl into it?


From abandoned puppy to Tripawd Warrior Dude, Dakota became one of the 2011 February Furballs due to STS. Our incredibly sweet friend lived with grace and dignity till he impulsively raced over the Bridge on 12-15-12.

Dakota's thoughtful and erudite blog is at

My heart lives at Rainbow Bridge
Member Since:
28 November 2008
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5 September 2011 - 7:43 am
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John, I am quite sure Northern California will appreciate the warning. Bernie's stories make me laugh so hard. It must be hard for you and Diane going from the gentle Max to the terror Bernie. I have no doubt Max looks down and smiles a doggie grin as Bernie puts you through the paces.

Shanna & Spirit Trouble ~ Trouble gained her wings 3/16/2011, a 27 1/2 month cancer survivor, tail wagging. RIP sweetheart, you are my heart and soul.  Run free at Rainbow Bridge.
The November Five - Spirits Max, Cherry, Tika, Trouble & Nova. 11/2008 - 3/2013 An era ends as Queen Nova crossed the Bridge.

knoxville, tn
Member Since:
12 February 2010
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5 September 2011 - 9:08 am
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laughing too hard, coffee out the nose, can't wait to hear about the adventures up north!!!

charon & gayle

Life is good, so very, very good!!! Gayle enjoyed each and every moment of each and every wonderful day (naps included).  She left this world December 12, 2011 – off on a new adventure.

Love Never Ends


5 September 2011 - 9:17 am
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I was thinking of bringing an old Camera to sacrifice to THE BERNIE at the Tripawd Party on Saturday.

I was hoping that it would be enough of a distraction for the rest of us to get in a quick hello before HIS AWESOMENESS became the center of the universe again.


Karen and the pugapalooza

Member Since:
10 February 2011
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5 September 2011 - 9:22 am
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.....the writing was intriguing but the pictures.....PAWSOME!

Epic for sure! I would tell Bernie to enjoy himself but it appears he has that covered!!!

Wherever the Wind Takes Me, Dude

Member Since:
25 July 2009
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5 September 2011 - 11:05 am
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Oh MAN I'm going to miss out!

Take that tail o' destruction and RUN with it Bernie! Run fast, run all the way to Colorado and we'll work our way east with mayhem and madness for ALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Bwaaaah bwaaaaah bwaaaaaah!!!!!

P.S. Momma says those pics are PAWESOME!!!! I think so too.

Wyatt Ray Dawg . . . The Tripawds Leg-A-Cy Continues!

Read all about my adventures at my Tripawds Blog

Monkeybutt-Bunny Vampire
5 September 2011 - 11:14 am
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Bernie - you are in a "class" all by yourself! 

The Monkeydog Federation thinks you are a SUPER ROCK STAR too!



Greater Western Washington area
Member Since:
25 August 2010
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5 September 2011 - 11:15 am
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I can hardly wait to hear about the total destruction and mayhem that occurs.  Your stories of his "greatness" always make me grinsuperstarsuperstarsuperstarsuperstarsuperstar


By the way, in the pictures, is he sailing OVER the wires, or bringing them and the house down upon you?


Sleepless in Seattle and waiting with baited breath,


Elizabeth and Sammy

Diagnosed with osteosarcoma in the right front leg 8/23/10,

leg fractured 8/27/10,

leg amputated 8/30/10


I couldn't begin to say how special Sammy is to us.  Living and laughing with and loving this wonderful boy is priceless.

In your heart, where I belong.
Member Since:
9 February 2011
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5 September 2011 - 11:20 am
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Just out of curiosity, I went back to your first post about adopting Bernie. After following Bernie and his maiming and mayhem for several months, it makes for some incredibly hilarius reading. Hindsight and all that. Writing so long ago about Bernie's expected role as Linda's little playmate and companion is just very, very funny now that we know Bernie had a secret agenda.   laughing


From abandoned puppy to Tripawd Warrior Dude, Dakota became one of the 2011 February Furballs due to STS. Our incredibly sweet friend lived with grace and dignity till he impulsively raced over the Bridge on 12-15-12.

Dakota's thoughtful and erudite blog is at

Orange County, CA
Member Since:
2 January 2010
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5 September 2011 - 3:44 pm
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fightingforsammy said:

 By the way, in the pictures, is he sailing OVER the wires, or bringing them and the house down upon you?

In one of the photos taken during that session, Bernie was sailing at exactly the right angle to directly impact my face. It sent me tumbling backward and my (fortunately waterproof) camera flying into the deep end as he wrapped his legs around my head like a demented, hairy version one of those facehugger creatures from the Alien movies. I managed to untangle his limbs from around my noodle by diving to the bottom (apparently evil is buoyant, because he popped up like a cork), but not before he clawed a scratch across my face from eyeball to chin, which I'm hoping fades a little before we leave.

And Karen - destroying cameras is SO last year. Bernie has moved on to new challenges. Preferably your treasured family heirlooms. Got any irreplaceable photo albums you can bring to the party?

Plainfield, Illinois
Member Since:
14 May 2011
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5 September 2011 - 5:36 pm
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Those pictures are PAWESOME!  Bernie you are CRAZY!

Diagnosed with OSA: 5/2/2011 Ampuversary: 5/11/2011 OSA returned in hip: 8/26/2011
Chili Dawg crossed the Rainbow Bridge on 8/30/2011 & is now pain free. He was my heart dog, and I miss him every day.

San Diego, CA
Member Since:
29 October 2010
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5 September 2011 - 7:05 pm
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Love, love, love the pics. Glad we are not going to be at the Nor Cal party after all; would hate for Abby to fall for such a "bad boy".

Can't wait to hear more of his adventures,
Jackie, Abby's mom

Abby: Aug 1, 2009 – Jan 10, 2012. Our beautiful rescue pup lived LARGE with osteosarcoma for 15 months – half her way-too-short life. I think our "halflistic" approach (mixing traditional meds + supplements) helped her thrive. (PM me for details. I'm happy to help.) She had lung mets for over a year. They took her from us in the end, but they cannot take her spirit! She will live forever in our hearts. She loved the beach and giving kisses and going to In-N-Out for a Flying Dutchman. Tripawds blog, and a more detailed blog here. Please also check out my novel, What the Dog Ate. Now also in paperback! Purchase it at Amazon via Tripawds and help support Tripawds!

Golden Girls
6 September 2011 - 1:20 pm
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Gee whiz, kinda makes me wish I had stayed in CA a few more days to witness Bernie in action. (I really hope my pups Peyton & Darby don't log on and read this stuff and get crazy ideas.....) Love the pictures! And many thanks for the LAUGHS OUT LOUD!!!


Sebastopol, CA
Member Since:
11 June 2011
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6 September 2011 - 7:10 pm
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Well this looks like a scary pawty! I dunno - will it be safe to come with Lylee girl and her 14lb sidekick?!

If I see BBL flying at us like that we'll get squashed to the ground! Do we need one of those shark cages to protect us. Or would someone like to volunteer to be our body guard to protect us from the antics of The Bernie?!!

Yikes! What to do?

Lylee's Mum

(Lylee sez - "Ahh, my Mum is wussy, I'm a Tripawd Warrior Princess.  No fear, I'll take care of you all!")

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