In deference to the rules of war established by the Geneva Convention, we are required to warn all Northern California residents that as of this Thursday, Bernie bin Laden will once again be deployed against you.

We'll be traveling in a silver/gray Honda SUV with a reinforced cabin and slightly gnawed seatbelts. The truck will be easily identified by the black cloud of locusts and pestilence above it, and the trail of destruction and famine left in its wake. The formerly peaceful beaches of Carmel will soon echo with the lamentations of those victims whose shoes Bernie has shredded, dog toys he has stolen, and sunscreen-greased backs he has scattered sand across. And that's just within the first five minutes of our arrival…

I'd like to tell you that he'll someday feel bad for the mayhem he spreads, but sadly, that's just not going to happen. Because Bernie bin Laden is, for all intents and purposes, a rock star. No dog (or person, for that matter) has ever had an ego as massive as his. Anyone who ever met Bernie will tell you that he spends every moment of his life basking in the supreme glow of his own awesomeness. He is the greatest dog he ever met. It would never occur to Bernie that you or your dog might not want to give up your food, toys, and/or sanity for the privilege of spending time in his glorious presence, because he is absolutely certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the entire universe and all of creation revolves around HIM.

So consider this your seventy-two hour warning period. If you start running now, you may get out of the blast zone in time to avoid the worst of the fallout. As far as I know, his powers don't extend beyond the continental shelf, but I can't be sure. Sadly, a sight much like the images in the sequence below will be the last thing many people will ever see…

I can hardly wait to hear about the total destruction and mayhem that occurs.  Your stories of his "greatness" always make me grin

By the way, in the pictures, is he sailing OVER the wires, or bringing them and the house down upon you?

Sleepless in Seattle and waiting with baited breath,

Elizabeth and Sammy

fightingforsammy said:

 By the way, in the pictures, is he sailing OVER the wires, or bringing them and the house down upon you?

In one of the photos taken during that session, Bernie was sailing at exactly the right angle to directly impact my face. It sent me tumbling backward and my (fortunately waterproof) camera flying into the deep end as he wrapped his legs around my head like a demented, hairy version one of those facehugger creatures from the Alien movies. I managed to untangle his limbs from around my noodle by diving to the bottom (apparently evil is buoyant, because he popped up like a cork), but not before he clawed a scratch across my face from eyeball to chin, which I'm hoping fades a little before we leave.

And Karen – destroying cameras is SO last year. Bernie has moved on to new challenges. Preferably your treasured family heirlooms. Got any irreplaceable photo albums you can bring to the party?

Love, love, love the pics. Glad we are not going to be at the Nor Cal party after all; would hate for Abby to fall for such a "bad boy".

Can't wait to hear more of his adventures,
Jackie, Abby's mom

Well this looks like a scary pawty! I dunno – will it be safe to come with Lylee girl and her 14lb sidekick?!

If I see BBL flying at us like that we'll get squashed to the ground! Do we need one of those shark cages to protect us. Or would someone like to volunteer to be our body guard to protect us from the antics of The Bernie?!!

Yikes! What to do?

Lylee's Mum

(Lylee sez – "Ahh, my Mum is wussy, I'm a Tripawd Warrior Princess.  No fear, I'll take care of you all!")