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22 February 2013
We have our own little "Universe of Love" here!
It is so full of compassion and enightenment and selfless giiving it's not anything that could easily be understood unless you've been on this journey. We share sides of our vulnerable selves that we would most likely NEVER share with others. We spend too much time hiding our hearts so we can TRY and put on a strong brave front.
We know better here!!! We KNOW the joy of any extended time we get and we KNOW how much this journey can hurt!! And EVERYONE knows their feelings are SAFE with us!! EVERYONE knows we UNDERSTAND!! And everyone KNOWS every single thing...E V E R Y. S.I.N.G.L.E T.H.I.N.G ' we ALL did we did out of LOVE and from a place of HOPE!!! To NOT have acted on our love and our hope would haven been to let out dogs and cats down. They would NOT have expected anything kess from us!!! That's why they chose us in the first place!
You both have written so beautifully and with such love. Thank you both for the courage to share the thoughts in your hearts. It is helpful to anyone in the same part of the journey. It is helpful to those of us who may be years "removed" from where you are now. Everyone has wisdom to share. Everyone finds their own little pearl within everyone elses wisdom that resonates in their hearts.
I'm going out and find me a horse who needs loving and hay and someone to nuzzle
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
25 April 2007
Three weeks is like a day when your heart hurts so much. I think it was at least 3 months before I could speak Jerry's name without losing it. Slowly, you learn coping strategies.
It's hard not to feel the guilt over any kind of delayed diagnosis. Animals speak their own language and it takes so much conscientious effort on our behalf to learn what they are saying. It was probably one of the biggest and toughest lessons I learned when coping with Jerry's illness. I spent a LOT of time feeling guilt and remorseful that we didn't get him to a vet sooner than we did, but we just didn't know any better. And it took years before I accepted that it was just where we were at in our life with animals. Today though, our Wyatt gets the benefit of what Jerry taught us and that is how our heart reconciles the grief. We make up for those old mistakes with Wyatt n ow, and life is better for another animal.
Time is what it takes to process all this. I wish I could make it go faster so your heart wouldn't hurt so much. But just know that Mosby would never, ever hold any choices you made against you. He knew in his heart that you were his #1 advocate, that will never change.
19 July 2016
And that's the heart of a lot of the pain, to be honest: the guilt. My sweet, sweet, tolerant, stoic boy, who couldn't tell us how much his leg hurt,...
I spent a LOT of time feeling guilt and remorseful that we didn't get him to a vet sooner than we did, but we just didn't know any better.
For the little it's worth, may I offer this in response to the guilt or remorse or whatever label you want to put on it of not getting a diagnosis sooner? This part I know you both know, and probably know well but we don't know what we don't know until it slaps us upside the head. And our furbabies are so stoic and not forthcoming about where it hurts - we all did the best we could. Isa was in and out of vet's office for months before her OSA diagnosis. She wasn't eating, she had diarrhea, she had slowed down so much I could keep up with her on walks, her liver enzymes were elevated, one thing and then another. Vet never remotely suspected or checked for OSA. How could he? Why would he? And if a trained professional misses it, we can't be expected to figure it out either.
The beginning and the end, I was confident of the decisions I made for Isa. It's everything in the middle I'm still struggling with. My counselor asked me just earlier this week when I would forgive myself for those things - it won't be anytime soon.
We make up for those old mistakes with Wyatt n ow, and life is better for another animal.
This right here is what I'm hanging on to. Trying to do right by Roxy. Granted I'm making some whole, other, different mistakes because Roxy's issues are utterly different than Isa's were. But overall I'm way, way smarter about some of these things. I think. I hope.
Sally, bless you for your heart and perpetual peppiness. I don't know what any of us would do without you.
love to all
Teri and Roxy and Angel Isa
Right rear leg amp 7/12/16 due to OSA. Metastatic lesion on her right front leg, January 2017. Joined the Winter Warriors January 19, 2017. Run free my sweet girl.
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