Evening all. We're waiting for our oncology appointment on Thursday and it's been the longest week. I have no idea what treatments they can offer as the receptionist said I'd discuss that when I go in, and also that they can give him a treatment on the day following examination. I would've liked to know if they offer bisphisphonates or is it going to be about chemo or radiation etc, but I will have to wait and decide on the day.

Meanwhile Sam is still here, with good energy which I put down to the medicinal mushroom blend (its had the same effect on me). So much so, in the morning we have a little walk and when I say, let's go back and have dinner, he tries to speed up to get home like he used to. Sadly his limp is so bad, he just hobbles. 

His limp hasn't got better or worse despite the meds. He's now on Onsior once a day, Amantadine once a day, Gabapentin x3 and paracetamol 250mg x3. I also give him cbd/cbg oil twice a day, still experimenting with the dose. The other day I miscalculated the no. of drops and gave him too much. He walked without a limp! Maybe I should keep him at a higher dose?! 

The vet also gave him tramadol but I haven't given that to Sam yet. I read the Dr Avery post and I'm also uncomfortable with the amount of drugs he's having and is it making any difference? Should the limp get better, in other words is he limping because of pain or because he can't physically put weight on his leg? 

This is the hardest thing. How much pain is he in? He's a Collie and doesn't show pain. Sometimes I see it, like if he pants after a short walk. His nose has been dripping with lots of clear mucus too, I wondered if that was related to pain. The last 2 days I've noticed his breathing is faster than usual, even when he's asleep. I'm afraid that's his lungs. This morning I was giving him his belly scratch and he was relaxed, eyes closing, then he would open his eyes and look into the distance, his eyes would open wide like when you're scared of something. I thought maybe he would have a stroke or something. I don't have any idea how long we have, that's so hard. How far down the road are we? Hopefully we'll get some answers on Thursday. 

Sorry for the long post, just trying to process everything. I know you all understand.. 

He hasn't been assessed by a surgeon. I'm hoping the oncologist will do that tomorrow but maybe I'm unclear what they actually offer. It's a  a vetinary hospital linked to a big university so hoping someone there can help us. But time is passing!

The regular vet didn't really offer much hope or options at all. He just did it Sam were his, he wouldn't put him through any interventions. Good job we don't all think like that!

The acupuncture vet knows Sam well and has been treating his arthritis. He lost muscle on his back legs due to an injury a couple of years ago which aggravated the arthritis. But he'd been having weekly hydrotherapy up until 6 weeks ago to build his back leg strength and it was really working! 

The ct scan mentioned spondylosis in a couple of vertebra.

His limp is not consistent. Mostly in the last week or so, he holds his foot off the ground and you can see he doesn't want to use it, but has to. When I say hobbles, he walks on the leg rather than trying to hop with it but has to move his head up and down in a very exaggerated movement to compensate. I'll see if I can upload a video.

His back legs are managing fine (compared to the front!). When he comes into the front door, over a small sill, he more or less only uses his good front leg and his back legs have to work really hard to get him over the step.. but they do it. He's not collapsing on his back end or anything like that.

But yeah, sometimes he hardly limps at all! It's getting rarer but today I got some doggy friends and their owners to come over to see him. He was walking around on grass and you'd hardly know there was anything wrong with him. Then next morning, he can barely walk 3 steps and I have to carry him out to do a poo.

Maybe it's about timing of his meds. I've started keeping a note of what I've given when, as sometimes it's a bit random depending what treats I think I can hide what in!

I've definitely started to open up to the idea of amputation. But preparing for the worst, that he's not a good candidate for some reason. Maybe it's well into his lungs - we didn't do an xray as it needs a general anaesthetic and I want to limit that to if he absolutely needs one. 

Evening all. So today was our oncology appointment at the Queens Vetinary Hospital in Cambridge and we met our consultant who was really nice, although Sam was highly suspicious. We talked for ages about the condition, Sam's history and the options. Amputation obviously, chemo, radiotherapy. I asked about bisphosphonates (so glad I'd done my research on here and elsewhere!) and he said he wasn't really keen as he hadn't seen much success with the drug.

He had Sam walk around briefly and said his initial thought was that amputation would not be good for him as he was quite stiff on his back end. I had begun to pin quite a lot of hope on amputation and felt a little defensive. I said that the morning was his worst time, he'd been in the car for 1.5 hours and hadn't had any meds (as he wasn't to have breakfast in case they would do a treatment there and then). Anyway the consultant picked up on how I was feeling and said he'd take Sam for an examination with his boss, a radiographer and an orthopedic surgeon. We weren't allowed in the building due to Covid restrictions but I was pleased that he was going to consult with others and not be fixed in his view.

When he came back he was very sensitive and said that they all agreed Sam might not cope with life on three legs, given his stiff back end and the fact he was taking a lot of weight on his good front leg in order to compensate for his back legs as well as his bad leg. The acupuncture vet had noted this before as well - she thought he'd lost lots of muscle in his back legs due to not using them properly because of the arthritis pain.

So amputation is off the table and to be honest, I'm comfortable with that as I was having a real conflict with hanging onto that as the best thing for getting rid of the pain, but as I know you all know, the idea of amputation is a massive thing to get your head around and all the questions, is it the right thing to do etc. I do feel that the vets and even the specialist consultants see it from a medical point of view - of course - whereas all you guys out there have lived and breathed it, you've seen your dogs at their best and their worst following amputation, and I think vets can't necessarily appreciate this. But having said that, he said his primary aim is what is best for Sam and I really felt he meant that.

Anyway the combined view of the consultant and his colleagues was that we should try radiotherapy - 2 sessions starting on Monday - which should give good results for pain relief and really help the lameness. The thought that Sam could enjoy a walk again makes me so emotional. I understand it's palliative so we're just buying time for cuddles and fun and I'm fine with that. Sam's had a good life since we rescued him as a 3 year old and it's going to get even better.  After 2 sessions we'll see how he is and the consultant said we should then look at bisphosphonates after all, so perhaps his colleagues persuaded him. If/when the lameness and pain start to return, we can do another 2 radiotherapy sessions. We decided not to do a chest xray at this point as chemo and radiotherapy together are not advised (for Sam, at least) so, even if we see he has nodules in his lungs, we're not going to give him chemo to treat them. We might change our mind later and that's what I feel most reassured about - that we're now on a journey with this consultant whom me and my husband trust and feel comfortable with him and it's all about what's best for Sam.

Once again, I'm so grateful for the support of this forum. For the deeply kind comments and advice for Sam and I and for all those who have posted their own stories and poured out their feelings. I literally feel that I'm not in this alone and it's so good to know. I was also kind of smug to know when the consultant referred to doing an FNA, that I knew he meant fine needle aspirate 🙂 

I'll update more following the treatment next week. Sam's friend the acupuncture vet is coming over next Friday to give him some love and relief too <3