Meet Clover.  She's my life.  

Clover developed a limp on the stairs six months ago.  We thought maybe she was a little arthritic and just helped her there, and continued her daily 3+ mile walk/runs after a rest period when the vet told us they couldn't even spot it.  Then, in November, we noticed the swelling in her left forelimb.  By the elbow.  That location has been a source of endless confusion for us, our vet, and both the oncologists who we have worked with since.  It didn't help that our vet overlaid the radius and ulna too closely in the front view image of the X-ray they took when we circled the swelling in wax marker because I was insistent there was a problem.  

We were told "possible osteosarcoma- but placement wrong."     

We went to an oncology specialist for FNA cytology.  And that failed too.  Osteosarcoma is supposed to be readily aspirated, but we got blood, a few well differentiated cells, and no matrix.  We also got an xray that stopped my heart.  When I saw it, all hope that this was something benign, a one-in-a-million fungal infection, anything other than what it so clearly is, left me.  There was nothing left to do but act.

I asked them to do a second chest three-view and abdominal ultrasound, all clean.  So no metastasis.  As I'm a little bit crazy person, I asked them to check a lump on her hip as well--nope, just a cyst.   

I'm not a vet, nor a doctor, but I am capable of learning, and I've done my homework.  I understand how serious this is.  We were advised by the first oncologist to seek a bone biopsy.    I went to a facility that could do it, and provided them the imaging we'd done so far.  I hand picked this facility because of their ongoing immunotherapy clinical trials. 

Ten minutes into her visit, the oncologist calls me.  "So, I hear you want a biopsy."  "I was told to get one, yes."  "Well now I'm telling you not to."  We went through the realistic differentials and their treatments.  All circle back to amputation as step one of any curative therapy, or radiation for palliative (which would be unsafe if we biopsied).  I always knew why we came there.  I asked the burning question.  "Are there slots left in the trial."  Yes.

One very difficult conversation with my wife later we've done our paperwork.  Clover donates her left leg to science on Wednesday, and hopefully begins the treatment that buys her more than just one more year a few weeks after. 

Last night, that cyst on her hip bothered poor Clover a bit too much.  She bit it and ripped it off.  I've been trying my best to keep her from licking it, and have been cleaning it repeatedly. So far no infection, monday I am able to be seen by our local vet and address it, presumably with antibiotics. 

The burning fear that is going to consume me over the next year is whether we are asking too much of our girl.  We want her to have the best quality of life possible, but we selfishly want the most quantity too.   What's coming is going to hurt, and if the interim between her full recovery from surgery and recurrence of the disease isn't good enough, I doubt I'll ever forgive myself.

A few questions.

Will being on antibiotics necessitate adjustment of Clover's surgery schedule?  

Will we be better off slinging her with a towel to get up and down the steps to go outside our house, or using a harness?

What's the right level of elevation to provide for her food bowl?  

How do I get her into my car the day we come home from the hospital?