Caring for a Three Legged Dog or Cat
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Well I picked up my girl's ashes this weekend. It's just so awful. I can't stop crying.
They returned her to me in a beautiful rosewood box with a gold label engraved "Madeline"
I feel constantly sick to my stomach. I still haven't put any of her things away. Her water dish is still sitting on the stand - untouched in 9 days Her bed is still in the middle of the room, her food dish is still there, as are all her toys. I haven't picked up the yoga mats. Every time I think I should do it - I feel sick. Yesterday I ran the vacuum so I had to move the mats - I thought in advance that I would get rid of them. But when the time came, I couldn't do it. So I put them back down where they were.
We had our first significant snow yesterday and it made me think of how much Mads hated having wet feet but she would brave it for the chance to "catch" snow balls thrown into the air. She enjoyed running around in the fresh snow with her brother. Then, just as quickly, she was DONE and wanted inside where there is heat. She would have enjoyed yesterday's snow because it was powdery not the wet heavy kind.
It's just so weird without her. Her brother has been on a hunger strike. She would have nothing to do with him after her surgery, but he still knows she's gone. For three days immediately after we lost her he refused to eat anything. I bought about 10 different kinds of canned dog food and I finally got him to eat - but he's still not back to his regular food intake. I know he is sad. I'm sad too. We're all sad.
Bobbi & Maddie a/k/a ManiacMads
Front leg amputation 10/17/17 due to Osteosarcoma
She's Madeline, She's Madeline
It IS a terribly sad time. Your emotions are still raw; the void, the break in routine are still heartbreaking. We hear you. We understand.
Javing her ashes back home with you where she belongs is bittersweet. Many have made special places for the ashes of their loved ones and surround them with mementos that bring happy memories of a well loved life.
The memory you shared where Maddie tolerates wet feet long e ligh yo catch snowballs and then BAM, she was ready to go in and get warm. That gave me a smile...and a thought. Maybe you could make a special place for her ashes and her food bowl. And in that food bowl you could fill it with "snowballs"...okay, fake snowballs thst ypu can buy as Christmas decorations...or you could even use cotton balls.
Everyone here will tell you there is NO time limit whatsoever (if ever), on when to move things, or put things away, etc. We can ALL tell you stories about how long we kept the food bowl or water bowl in the same spot for months and months... maybe even years!
In fact, if you ever do decide to eventually move, for example, one of the yoga mats, simply do just that...move it to another area, or maybe put it on the porch, etc. You do not have to throw it away, you can merely "store" it. Same for any other items, you can still keep them, but maybe put them in a special drawer or cabinet. At some point, waaay down the road, you may8 decide you want to donate some of those "things" to a rescue group.
For now, just continue to take one day at a time. That's the only way to deal with grief. It's real. As we say, when we .love hard, we grieve hard.
We can all promise you, the grief does get pushed further and further j fo rhe background as the thousands of happy memories come to the forefront. We can all tell you that you will still cry tears and years later. We all m ow thst is not what our dogs and cats want though. We know they want us to celebrate their glorious time with us and with smiles, not tears.
Maube you could take your other pup to a PetCo, PetSmart, PetValue, etc or some other store where he could interact with other dogs, as well as maybe pick out a toy for himself.
Please continue to stay connected and please share more stories about your Mads like the snowball story. It does us all good to celebrate that sweet girl with a smile in our jearts❤
Hugs
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
Hi Bobbi (((hug)))
We are here for you although it may be from a distance. You know, when a family member gets sick, it takes time to care for them. In hospice, the care becomes more intense, and little by little we find a way to juggle our lives to make it all fit. When they pass, all of a sudden we have all this free time that we don't know what to do with because you never really stop to think how hard the work was. It is all a labor of love.
You have time now that you don't know what to do with. You are grieving, so is your family. It's no consolation but it is normal. And nobody told you that you have to move Maddie's things, right? I have done both. Neither feel good. And you don't have to "get rid" of her things. I didn't get rid of any of Rosie's things for a long time, and when I did it was just the junky things that I could never use. I kept her collar (never put it on another dog), her bowls, her toys forever. I finally let Mitch adopt them, and they were well used until they were too old to keep.
Maddie's brother needs the same TLC that you do right now. Sounds like his grief is as intense. He needs your love to get through this. I would spoil him the same way we spoil our new tripawds recovering from surgery. Bacon, hamburgers, cheese, and tons of love. Maybe you can help each other get to a better place. I know for myself that concentrating on something else, especially another loved one that needed me, helped take my mind and allow my thoughts to go other places.
Sally's idea was a really good one. Get out of the house for a while. Maybe treat the both of you to a nice fattening McDonald's cheeseburger or a Starbucks specialty and a puppacino.
I don't even know your other dog's name... what is it? Got a picture of him?
Please don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself the grace and time to be sad and grieve, but please take care of yourself even if you have to force it in the beginning. We love hard, and we grieve hard. It is still worth the trip. I would not give a moment of Rosie's time away to anybody. It hurt because I was blessed with the gift of true love. Some people never get to feel that.
Big hugs,
Jackie and Huck 
Hugs,
Jackie, Bo, Andy, Oscar, Phoebe, and the coolest feral tripawd kitty Huckleberry 
His name is Chimmy and he's a senior husky mix. He has his own health issues (he has pancreatitis so I have to be very careful with what food he gets). This is the very first time in his life he's been the only dog in the house. I think that's part of the problem. When we're at work he's all by himself. We've been giving him extra special attention and I made his favorite treat over the weekend for him (congee). Even that he just picked at and he usually gobbles it up. He won't go in anyone's bedroom at night - he just lays on Maddie's yoga mat in the kitchen. It's so sad. He did get to see/smell her after she passed - but now I wonder if that might have been a mistake. I feel so sorry for him - for all of us. You're right about how much free time I have now. You don't realize how much time/energy you spend caring for them.
Bobbi & Maddie a/k/a ManiacMads
Front leg amputation 10/17/17 due to Osteosarcoma
She's Madeline, She's Madeline
As Jackie said, don't be hard on yourself. Grid is not a thing you can fast forward through.
Just want to add another thought to help Chimmy. Do you think Chimmy would have his spirits lifted if you fostered a compatible senior dog for a week or so? That way you could see if there was any improvement in his demeanor, as well as give a dog a "vacatuon' away from a shelter for a bit.
And for whatever it's worth, I think it does help a dog understand the process of "transition " if they are able to be around their pal afterwards. Whenever possible, it's a "ritual" I've always done with my dogs.
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!
Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!
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