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I AM AFRAID OUR TIME TOGETHER IS OVER
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5 January 2019 - 7:45 am
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My beautiful brave Madeline has taken a pretty dramatic turn.  I posted earlier about her difficulty moving about and our visit to the vet and xrays showing lung mets.  I’m afraid that it is also in her spine at this point.  There is no way to know for sure apparently without knocking her out and doing x rays.  I’ve teetered back and forth and decided not to do that.  Last night we got her up to go out back for her last potty of the night and her good front leg went out from under her and she just laid there, on her chest, peeing.  She also doesn’t seem to know when she is having a poop – it just sort of pops out as she hops to her spot in the yard.  My poor girl.  Through the night she was in discomfort on and off, this is with gabapentin, deramax and tramadol.  She’s so doped up and still not comfortable.  I feel like I have made the dreaded decision but then something happens, she stands up easier or she hops over to me tail wagging.  My daughter just reached over to pet her ears and she whined.  Am I crazy to feel like that whine was her telling us it’s time?  After 14 months of struggle is she ready to go?  I just don’t know.  I am not sure why I’m posting this – except for the fact that most of you have been in this spot at some point in time or another, you all know the struggle of a tripawd – the elation when they start getting around after surgery, the dread when something isn’t right.  You’ve all been so supportive over the last year and for that, Maddie and I both thank you.  I guess I just needed to put it into words, to “say it out loud”.  It’s just awful.  I hate cancer and especially Osteosarcoma.  

Bobbi & Maddie a/k/a ManiacMads

Front leg amputation 10/17/17 due to Osteosarcoma

She's Madeline, She's Madeline

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5 January 2019 - 9:49 am
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Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is truly the most heart wrenching experience. I went through this with several of my dogs for different reasons. I don’t think the amount of legs they have, or the illness really makes a difference. You have already said it, and it sounds like it is just a matter of the time. When I lost Pepper, it was from congenital heart failure. One minute she was ok and wagging, the next she was falling over and panting, sometimes with a seizure.

The night I brought her in, she had been laying on her side on the rug with us sitting with her for hours. I kept listening to her heart and it sounded like a clock that needed to be wound. Fast, slow, over and over. I called the emergency hospital because it was very late, and we took her in. When they placed an IV in her arm, she came running to me like a puppy wagging her tail. I was a mess. Was it right or was I wrong? I think we play these scenarios over and over as we go through the motions because we don’t want to face the inevitable. It is easier to beat ourselves up than to lose a loved one.

Your heart will tell you when it is time, and as hard as that decision is you will know when it is time. You have given Maddie a wonderful life, please don’t forget that. My heart and my thoughts are with you, it aches just knowing this part of the journey. Sending you a huge warm hug. I am so very sorry that you are at this point right now, I know it hurts.

Jackie and Huck heart 

Hugs,

Jackie, David, Mitchell, Andy Oscar, and the coolest feral tripawd kitty Huckleberry

http://paws120......pawds.com/

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5 January 2019 - 10:39 am
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We’re  here with you.  And we hear you and we understand.  

I need to say first that what you and Maddie have  accomplished for over a year is nothing short of miraculous!!  The hurdles you overcame, the “false diagnosis “, the MRSA , etc, she is truly MIRACLE MADDIE!!!    You know your girl so well and you stayed determined  and strong to do what was best for her.

And knowing  her so well is what will help you as you observe her and as you “listen” to her.  If she’s  telling you the good times  outweight the bad for now by showing  more tail wags and hoping over to see you, she’s talking to you.  If she’s  showing  you the tail wags,etc are very few and far between and are outweighed by the “bad times”, then that’s  her talking to you too.

The one thing we know about this piece of crap disease, it can only get worse.  When the good days become less and less, when the the good days turn into only  good moments here and there is when our struggle begins, and theirs starts turning  into the gift of release. And release from an earth body that no longer serves them is the GREATEST  GIFT OF LOVE we can ever give our dogs and cats.

From what you’ve  said, and only you are there, it sounds like you are in a place where you can just take it day by day.  I’m  assuming that, if her pain is managed and she still gets up and wags some, is eating, etc, you can continue  to process, observe and most importantly,  STAY FULLY PRESENT IN THE MOMENT AND MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT!!    She’s  with you and don’t  waste one second of that time together.

Do you have any PopTarts around?  I know she loves PopTarts!  And whenever  Maddie does head running  to the Bridge, all our Angels will be there to greet her with buckets full of POP TARTS!!!   She will be free from pain, young, happy and free!  

We are surrounding you with our love, peace and strength💖

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too 

PS  Don’t  hesitate  to call our helpline if we can help in anyway.  1 844 TRIPAWD

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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5 January 2019 - 12:09 pm
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Thank you Sally and Jackie.  It just has happened so fast.  As of right now, she cannot even get up.  Yesterday she struggled to get up, the day before that it was a limp and shakiness.   How can you go from hopping to limping to unable to move in less than three days?  I’m just beside myself.  We could stop the tramadol and add something stronger, but I do not want her to suffer while we experiment when she is not going to get better.  We’re all just so sad.  (I do have pop tarts, and I just got her a roasted chicken and vanilla ice cream.  Her three favorites.)  My poor girl. 

Bobbi & Maddie a/k/a ManiacMads

Front leg amputation 10/17/17 due to Osteosarcoma

She's Madeline, She's Madeline

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5 January 2019 - 12:18 pm
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Not trying  to give any false hope at all, okay?  And certainly  spine mets can be in play.  And hope can always be in play, until it’s  not.

But I also wonder if she tweaked something  because of the way you described  it.  And then the face plant, etc.  Once a “tweak”  starts, whether it’s  back,, disc, shoulder, neck, etc rhey generally get worse before it gets better.  Is she on an anti iinflammatory?

I love that she’s  getting all her fav foods!!

Lots of love and higs

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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5 January 2019 - 12:19 pm
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Just want to add, keep posting, keep thinking out loud.  I think it helps you process everything  and helps chronicle where you are day by day.

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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5 January 2019 - 12:28 pm
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I totally agree! And yay for her favorite foods ❤️❤️ 

What Sally said about her maybe pulling something… That is a definite possibility. And i know you’ll be monitoring to see if it gets better, worse, or stays the same. In the meantime youre spending quality time and spoiling her rotten 🤗🤗

Please keep posting and we’ll do everything we can to be there for you and support you ❤️

Hugs,

Jackie, David, Mitchell, Andy Oscar, and the coolest feral tripawd kitty Huckleberry

http://paws120......pawds.com/

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5 January 2019 - 1:01 pm
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Bobbi, I am so sorry she’s in a tough place right now, just got caught up on things. It’s such a tough spot to be in when you don’t know for sure what’s happening and have to make the choice not to pursue further diagnostics (which is totally understandable, many people have made the same choice). 

I do agree, that perhaps this could be an issue that a pain management specialist might be able to diagnose. There is always that chance, especially since osteo metastasizing to another limb is really quite rare.  Finding the right pain control is sometimes a challenge but it can often be done. No, it won’t make mets go away but it can keep her at a good quality of life for longer than without finding that right combo of pain management .

But you have to follow your heart, and listen to Mads’ too. What would she want? Where is the line that she doesn’t want to cross as far as her quality of life? Have a talk with her, she will tell you the answers.  Also, talk to your daughter, and anyone else in your family who loves her as much as you do. Make this a group decision and that way everyone can feel more comfortable with whatever path you take. 

We hope with all our heart that she can overcome this. Please let us know how things are going, we are keeping you in our hearts.

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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5 January 2019 - 2:53 pm
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Oh Bobbi–I can’t add much more than others already have other than we are thinking of you both.  Sending all our positive energy your way. heartheartheart

xoxo,

Dawn

Fallon  8/28/06--9/6/18.  My Heart.

Fallon's left front leg was amputated due to osteosarcoma on 10/11/17.

Nothing But Love in Her Heart - dawn3g.tripawds.com

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6 January 2019 - 7:19 am
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thank you all.  Sadly we had to say goodbye to Maddie last night.  The pain was overwhelming for her – even on all the drugs she was on.  it reached a point that when you would touch anywhere but her front leg or chin she would moan and whine.  The dr came to our home and after looking her over, we all knew that it was time to let her go.  I console myself with the knowledge that she is free of pain and running (or hopping) free with her brother Hooch and sister Isabel.  My regret is that I didn’t do it just a little earlier in the day when she was more comfortable because I knew in my heart it was time but selfishly wanted to hold on to her.  So she suffered those last couple hours.  She was surrounded by her family who all adored her and she had a good last day up until about 3 pm or so.  I know you all know the heart break.  I’m so grateful though that we had this last year with her.  The amputation gave us that and I am so fortunate to have even had her in my life as long as I did.  She was a beautiful soul.

Bobbi & Maddie a/k/a ManiacMads

Front leg amputation 10/17/17 due to Osteosarcoma

She's Madeline, She's Madeline

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6 January 2019 - 8:11 am
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I am so sorry for your loss. You gave Maddie a great life, and waiting to make sure is not selfish at all. Especially for such a huge decision. You would never have forgiven yourself if you thought for a moment that she was just having a moment that was temporary.

Setting Maddie free was an incredibly unselfish decision, and now your girlie is making all kinds of new friends that are welcoming her with open arms. She would not want you to be so hard on yourself. 

Please find consolation in knowing that everything you did was always with your girl in your mind and your heart. And she will always be in your hearts. Just like you will always be in hers.

Sending you the biggest hug I can muster. Please find peace and love with your family in such a heartbreaking time in your lives. Your soul is just as beautiful as Maddie’s. 

Jackie and Huckleberry heart 

Hugs,

Jackie, David, Mitchell, Andy Oscar, and the coolest feral tripawd kitty Huckleberry

http://paws120......pawds.com/

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6 January 2019 - 1:26 pm
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My heart and condolences go out to you, I’m really sorry. You are right, she is free of any pain now, and her spirit is young and whole again. Cancer is awful but can never take that, or her legacy away from you. Mads beautiful story lives on forever.

In the coming days you may struggle with the decision, there’s just no getting around it. I hope that your heart heals with the knowledge that you did your best, and she knew that. She knew how much she was loved and cherished, and that stayed with her through to her last breath. 

We send all our love to you and your family. Please know we are always here for you and when or if you are ready to write a tribute and share photos of your sweet girl, we would love to celebrate her life with you OK? 

{{{{hugs}}}}

It's better to hop on three legs than to limp on four.™
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6 January 2019 - 6:53 pm
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Maddie was a beautiful  Soul, is a beautiful  Soul, and will always be a beautiful Soul.  And Souls never die.  Your sweet Maddie wasn’t  loved just because  she was cute and had a  smoochable mug and beautiful  exterior.  She was so much more than that.  Her loving Spirit illuminated, and continues  to illuminate, from a Source where there is no end.

Yes, Maddie’s  Soul has exited  her earth clothes and is truly free.  And she WILL connect  with you.  She WILL make her presence known in her energy  form.  It may not happen quickly  because your grief is so strong right now and it’s  hard for her to get your attention.   Then again, it might.  

As Jackie pointed out. you would have second  guessed yourself if you hadn’t  had that bit of extra time to make sure Maddie wasn’t  going to rally a bit.  Prior to that, she did show a sparkle every now and then to let you know she wasn’t  quite ready. 

And NO, it is not selfish  to want to keep our furbavies with us until the end of rime.  It’s  called LOVE!  And there is no stronger emotional bond,.   To not want that, makes no sense to our hearts.  Finding  something to regret just goes hand  in hand with grief at first. It’s  part of a human’s nature, but not part of a dog’s  nature at all!   We just haven’t  evolved as much in our Soul’s growth as they have!

Please stay connected and share more of this sweet Soul called Maddie when you can.  We were all so  privileged to have been able to get to know The Mads.  She is such an inspiration and your care of her was exquisite. ❤

Surrounding  you with our love

Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

Happy Hannah had a glorious additional bonus time of over one yr & two months after amp for osteo! She made me laugh everyday! Joined April's Angels after send off meal of steak, ice cream, M&Ms & deer poop!

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7 January 2019 - 6:20 am
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Thank you all.  You’re right she IS a beautiful soul and I too believe that she is still here with me.  Yesterday we spent a lot of time talking about all the crazy things Maddie did (and looking at pictures of her thru the years).  She made us laugh (again).  She could easily reach the counters or table (she was a big dane), but she would NEVER take food – except bananas.  when she was younger you couldn’t leave bananas anywhere but the top of the fridge.  Otherwise she’d get the entire bunch and sneak off out of the way to eat them.  She loved meat and veggies but she definitely had a sweet tooth.  If she heard anything that sounded like a bag of M&Ms, she’d be there in a flash hoping you maybe dropped one!  Of course I didn’t give her these things when she was young and healthy so her only hope was that you’d drop one and she could get to it before you did!  these are the stories we’re telling each other and remembering all the things that were uniquely “Maddie”.   She was such a character 🙂

Bobbi & Maddie a/k/a ManiacMads

Front leg amputation 10/17/17 due to Osteosarcoma

She's Madeline, She's Madeline

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7 January 2019 - 6:35 pm
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OMD bless you Bobbi heartheart  David and I still have those conversations 6 years later and we still laugh and cry.. sometimes at the same time. It is a beautiful and heartfelt way to honor your baby. 

You are right, she is there. And she is watching over you and your family. She always will.

Not as often now, but sometimes still I will go in the yard and see my Rosie in one of her “places” out of the corner of my eye. It’s like a split second, then it’s gone. But in that second my heart is full and warm.. like she is watching us. She is probably laughing her tail off right now watching mama with her first official puppy.. and I am shaking my head. 

Sending you a huge breath taking hug… stay in touch please. Post pictures, tell tales, it’s what keeps us going sometimes. 

Jackie and Huck heart

Hugs,

Jackie, David, Mitchell, Andy Oscar, and the coolest feral tripawd kitty Huckleberry

http://paws120......pawds.com/

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