Hi Cathy- I wish I had some words that would give your heart some relief.  I do think that each dog comes into our lives with a lesson to teach.  I don't know what Skyler's lesson for you was, but maybe if you remember what she brought into your life it will give you some comfort and some peace.  You are not alone, and it is perfectly normal to mourn and miss our animal friends deeply - unconditional love is not something most humans are capable of.

I am going to try to give some updates on Cali's last journey for those who this sort of thing might help.  It is hard for me, but Cali has been a faithful leader on my team, and now maybe she can lead the way for those who haven't been down this path before.

We had a couple of good days with cooler weather and some snow.  That seemed to perk Cali up a bit, but on the downside, it also brought out a bloom of belly bugs that has several of Cali's pack members down with horrible diahareah.  So far Cali hasn't been affected, but it is a lot of work to try to keep her isolated from everyone and keep things bleached to avoid getting her sick (which I think would be devistating to her health). 

Cali hasn't slept through the night in weeks, and we are getting really tired with getting up 2+ times each night to let her out (we have to carry her as she has so much trouble getting around and sometimes gives very little warning she wants to go out).  So we have to focus on getting some decent sleep! 

Cali seems to not care about her normal dog food, but is still VERY interested in chicken breasts, so we are trying to mix that in to keep her energy reserves up.  We also have her on some high doses of predisone, which isn't the best long-term solution, but I have found gives a lot of relief in some dogs.  My grandfather was a human physician, and used to have a saying "before they're dead, try pred".  Maybe not the best bedside manner, but very good advice for some humans and some dogs. 

The team just gave a long howl.  I think it is the snow howl, which is good news (to us, anyhow)!

For every yin, there is a yang.  We have just returned from the Vet hospital after an emergency run this afternoon with Calpurnia. 

We have had a belly bug going through our kennel, which is common this time of the year when the snow melts, the rains come, and the dogs start digging up all sorts of goodies.  Generally, like with humans, the dogs feel sort of icky for a few days, then rebound pretty quickly.  Trouble is when you have many dogs, it tends to go through the whole pack in a staggered way.  With a geriatric old lady who isn't doing that well to begin with, we worked really hard to keep Calpurnia from getting IT.  Armed with bleach and shovels, we tried to keep her environment as clean as we could given the rain and mud involved. 

This morning started well.  The sun came out and Cali was able to hop around a bit and find her own sunny place to snooze.  But by 11 am it was clear that despite our efforts, Cali was coming down with the bug.  By 2 pm, she was listless and limp.  Knowing the bug was taking 3-5 days to get through the other dogs, we quickly consulted with our vets to see what the best course of action would be to support her through this.  It seemed that fluids would probably be the best route.

At the vets, we discovered that Cali is very anemic, and there is now a large mass in her belly.  We had suspected her cancer had come back from bloodwork a few weeks ago.  Her system is not circulating like it is supposed to, so the vet opted for a IV catheter instead of sub-q fluids.  While it is likely there is something terminal going on, I also know Cali cycles with good and bad spells.  I am hoping to give her a fighting chance to rally again, but on the other hand don't think that things like blood transfusions will really be worthwhile at this point.  Whatever happens, I want Cali to make her own decisions if possible.  Neither of us felt that today was "the day."

So, now we are in a wait-and-see pattern.  Maybe the fluids will help support Cali's feeble system during this bug, maybe it won't make a difference.  We will give her this chance and see what happens.

She is resting on her bed and being good about her IV line.  I worry that she has messed herself and I can't really clean her up right now, but I suppose that is not what I should be focused on.  Her eyes watch me everywhere I go.  I can feel them on me now.

Life is a precious gift.

And just like that, she is gone.

I love you Cali.  Godspeed.  Tell the others I love them too.

I am so sorry for your loss and so much admire the way you've handled this. 

Thank you for sharing, we've never been down the path and reading these stories is a great help to us because we know the day is coming sooner or later.

Jan

Ah, beautiful Calpurnia, you lived life on your own terms, and left it on your own terms. Run free and light through the snow, forever.

You are a true tripawd hero, we will never forget you, because you will live forever in our hearts,

xoxoxox,

the Oaktown Pack

You had a wonderful life on this earth, Cali!  R.I.P. and run free!  You were truly an inspiration to us all.

Tracy, Maggie's Mom