Hey everypawdy,

We had to let Codie Rae follow her dreams yesterday. See her take on it here: https://codiera.....020/01/16/ive-moved-on-to-a-higher-calling/.

Her mobility had been in decline for over a year. Her rear leg and even her front end were breaking down. She had arthritis everywhere, even her tail! We had the pain pretty well managed but at the end she just couldn't walk anymore. That in itself was hard but doable. Until a tumor blew up in her mouth two or three weeks ago.

I noticed a lump in her cheek across from her ECT surgery site right after she came home from her surgery in New Mexico back in May. I sent pictures to Dr. Kelly and she thought it was a granuloma and would go away after awhile. It never went away but it just sat there and didn't do anything for 8 months so we didn't worry about it. Then it started growing. It was bigger every.single.day. We took Codie to the vet last week, who launched right in to hospice mode. These days when your vet isn't trying to sell you expensive diagnostics you know things are bad (yup, I am cynical). And I trust this vet to be honest with me.

We had been thinking we could do a fine needle aspirate of the lump and maybe some jaw xrays to see if debulking the tumor might be an option. If it didn't look like cancer, if her jaw bone still looked solid, maybe we could debulk? Our vet said that FNA's in the mouth are often inconclusive and dental xrays would not show the kind of detail needed to determine what was going on with her jaw. She also opined that it was likely cancer. So we then had to consider another path like a CT with contrast, debulking and running pathology on it, and then maybe another ECT treatment because when the first tumor was debulked without the ECT it came back just as large in two weeks. A huge cost, but more importantly, multiple huge stresses on Codie Rae. Just going to the vet that day was SO stressful for her. Did we really want to put her through all those procedures? At the same time as her mobility was totally tanking?

She had also started barking. Alot. She always barked some at the other dogs but now she would not tolerate being in the same room, or even having one in her line of sight. We think she was feeling more and more vulnerable as the lump grew and she became weaker. She also barked at Ralph. Alot. Get that other dog out of my sight, I gotta pee, can we have dinner NOW?, lets go strolling, will you DO something about this freakin' lump in my mouth, were just some of the statements we attributed to her barks. This just felt like another sign that things were not right in Codie Rae's world.

It took us some time to process. We decided no, we did not want to put Codie through more tests, procedures, and major surgery, whether it was cancer or not. She had enough of that last year when we carted her around to four different vets. It was really hard to make that decision because she still had so much spirit, she was eating, eliminating, and enjoying her rides and strolls with her Paw. But we had been noticing how it was getting harder and harder for her to keep up with all her duties, which she took so seriously. She was getting that "I'm so tired" look in her eyes more and more. And her mobility was now a major issue. She was always such a stoic we just hoped that we had her pain under control.

Above all we did not want to see her spirit totally crushed by what was going on with her failing body. She did not deserve that. She needed to go out as the tripawd girldawg extraordinaire that she was. And we could not let the tumor grow to the point where it started ulcerating. It was obviously bothering her more and more--I am sure it hurt, and it was getting hard for her to eat anything she had to chew.

So we made an appointment for yesterday. And we did our best to show her a good time for the days she had left. Steak and eggs for breakfast, and steak again for dinner, a frosty cup (she always loved a cone but I was afraid the sharp edges would cause the tumor to ulcerate), a visit to hang out with some sheep at a farm nearby, a stroll down by the bay. When we saw her muted reaction to all these treats we knew it was time. We knew our girl would never just lay down and give up until she was so broken she didn't have a choice. So we had to make the choice for her. 

The mobile vet came yesterday at 11 am. Codie Rae drifted off to sleep surrounded by our love. She went so peaceful and easy.

Today has been even harder than yesterday and I know it will be hard for some time to come. We know we did the right thing but that never really helps to fill the gaping hole in your heart, does it. Only time will do that. It has helped me to be able to put all this down in a post. I hope it will help someone else, present or future, going through end of life decisions.

Run free Codie Rae, I know you are gonna rock your new job on the other side of the Bridge. We will love you until the end of time.

Martha and Ralph