A series of troubling missives received from Da Bear HQ. To be clear, I am just the messenger – your guess is as good as mine...

Received 25.5.17 at 16.59 GMT

Roo is ROTTEN and hiding her MegaRaft. Sending you video. She is EXCEPTIONALLY in LOVE and hiding evidence from her adventure with Meg. Sadly Da Beaaaaars ar MIA...

Received 25.5.17 at 17.17 GMT

Subject: MegaStar and Ruby Roo's Raft: Adventure Evidence

(this appeared to contain some sort of video, which I was unable to open. The file is now being examined by MI5)

Received 26.5.17 at 02.18 GMT

Subject: The Silent and Self-Satisfied Ruby Roo ( I mean, really...)

So here is Roo looking suspiciously suspicious...She returned with a salt water coat, remnants of EXTRA bunny ears, a remarkable ability to withstand extensive interrogation without proclaiming "nana nana boo boo" ( for once), maps of the Cornish coast, some of the Crown Jewels, and whiskers tapping out " MEG DID NOT TAKE ELSIE PIE'S PIG EAR!!!! ". She is, as we have established, one ROTTEN rabbit. Hopefully she will find it within her cotton tail to free Da Bears soon, not the least to regale them with tales of the High Seas and her new love Meg.

As I was saying, just the messenger....

Since Meg returned from her transatlantic 'adventure', I notice that, together with other subtle behavioural changes, she has acquired a habit of going out into the garden several times a day, drawing a noseful of air down into her lungs and pondering it deeply.

I cannot be sure what purpose this serves, but, curious at the fact that she always lies in the exact same spot and facing the same direction, I took a compass out today and took a reading precisely in line with her nose. This is what I discovered.

Freaky, huh.

If I wasn't such a hardened sceptic, I could almost believe that Ruby Roo is sending scent signals to her new best friend and companion in general rottenness, HRH The MegaStar.