I am delighted to announce that Gator has been declared parasite free!  I wish that all of our medical problems could be solved so easily.  And I debated whether this merited a cheeseburger - in the end, it was too dark out and I didn't feel like driving, so no, this was not a medical emergency requiring a cheeseburger.  (But Otis probably would have gotten one - not fair, but I guess my crazy brain is starting to put things back in proportion.)

Been doing some research - at the core are my conflicted feelings, missing Otis and Tess so much that I feel it's unfair to Gator, and wondering if my bond with him will ever be as deep as it was with them.   So, was reading about dogs who are surrendered by their owners in situations where the dog otherwise had a good home.  One article said that it takes the dog 6 - 12 weeks to adjust.  They are missing things and people from their old life and don't understand what has happened.  They don't feel totally secure in their new lives.  When we got Otis, he was only 6 months, and had spent the prior 2 in a shelter.  He bonded instantly and was just delighted to have a home.  Tess was 2, and took a couple of days to realize that no one was going to hit her, at which point she decided she was home.  It makes sense that a dog like Gator would take a bit longer to feel totally home.  But more importantly, if it takes the dog 6 - 12 weeks to adjust, it should not be surprising that it also will take me that long or longer to adjust.  It's some form of Be More Dog - being patient and trusting that things will happen as and when they are supposed to.

On a lighter note, Gator loves his stuffed alligator.  I am not sure he ever had toys before, but he has started bringing that to bed every night to play.  He hasn't touched any of the other toys in the house.  My backyard is pretty much critter free.  It is amazing the difference, but the squirrels, rabbits and chipmunks have clearly packed their little suitcases and moved on.  His inside manners are perfect - leash walking still leaves something to be desired.  He is strong!  But he is responding to 'no' now, so walks are getting better.  Enzo is back in bed with us, although he tends to sneak in after Gator is asleep.  Gator is a little jealous of Enzo - if I pet Enzo, one hand better be petting Gator.  Gator still follows me around the house like a shadow, and can still be put into a doggy coma if you rub his face and head (I love doing that).  He has lost a couple of pounds, and is now at his ideal weight as per the vet, and looks great.  I can still sense a little uncertainty, and see that look of panic in his eyes if we get in the car.  Can't wait to see how his personality reveals itself as he feels more at home in the next month or so.

Not yet.  I did the Embark test.  It is expensive and takes longer for results, but they screen for genetic disease markers as well as the fun stuff like ancestry.  Maybe it's overkill, but I just did a genetic screen myself (my Mom died of ovarian cancer in her 50's, so a relief to know that I do not carry the BRCA gene).   It seemed worth it for Gator too.  Kind of like high tech checking our dogs for lumps?  It's also fun because when they identify genes for traits like color and coat, they also send photos of other members (the dogs) who share those genetic traits.

And yes, intellectually I know that Gator does not judge the depth of my feelings.  He knows (and all he cares about is) that he is being taken care of, touched, and given attention.  Emotionally though, it's a bit harder (for me, not for him).

I do really relate to Alison's story.  I understand her feelings so much better now.  

Gator is clearly happy here, there is just something.  I can tell he still fears being abandoned.  Just a look in his eye sometimes.  The same look you see in the photo immediately prior to transport.  I know that I have to take him to daycare soon, just so he can experience my picking him up again.  But I am dreading taking him, just because I know how scared he will be.

I have always had rescues, but they have either been abused or strays not bonded with a prior home.  Those signals are easier for me to read.   And when I see him standing in the kitchen or the hall, I know that he belongs here.  I guess it was almost a relief for me to know that it will take him a longer time to adjust.  It gives me "permission" to also take some time to adjust.